3 Reasons Getting Revenge On Your Partner Backfires EVERY Time

Find us a long-term relationship that's never experienced conflict and we'll check the sky for airborne pigs. The feelings of anger and disappointment we feel when a loved one seemingly wrongs us can be consuming, even uncontrollable. But anyone who's lost his or her temper can tell you that getting angry and getting revenge never pay off; they never make us feel better.

But just because you have a feeling doesn't mean you have to act on it. Sit with the feelings. Sleep on it if you need to. Give yourself the space to connect with yourself first. Only then will you be able to have a productive discussion with your significant other.

Now, we know relationships can be a force of heated emotions, but is getting revenge the productive or wise way to channel your anger? Contrary to what your emotions may be telling you, the answer is a definitive "no." Here's why:

1. Acts of revenge cause you to lose respect for yourself in the aftermath.

When your rage or anger settles down (and it will, guaranteed), you WILL judge yourself for your conduct during this time. And if you've behaved in an uncharacteristically cruel or mean way, feelings of shame, guilt and regret shall next be in hot pursuit of you.

2. Revenge is just an illusion of a quick fix.

I know that in your imagination it feels good to do something now — to lash out, reciprocate the pain, and damn well give him what he deserves. But revenge will NOT instantaneously make your pain go away like it wants you to believe. In fact, inflicting pain only ensures you'll experience similar pain again in the future.

3. Fantasizing about plotting revenge become self-swallowing obsessions.

This means they'll indefinitely distract you from what really matters (ie: caring for your kids) and impede, if not completely stop, your healing. Underneath all that rage lies a broken heart, and to its tending and mending is where your energy needs to be channeled. Ultimately, revenge hurts you more than it does your partner.

If you look deep inside yourself, some wise aspect of you already knows the above to be true. So heed that voice, get the healthy support you need from friends and family, and remember who you really are when you're tempted to behave badly: a kind, beautiful, loving person.