8 Disturbingly Common Reasons Women Don't Go For The Nice Guy, According To Psychology
Why women choose bad men ... and men bad for them.
AnnaStills | Canva It almost seems like most men fall into either the bad boy or the nice guy category. In my opinion, the ideal man is neither, but rather gracefully walks that fine line between the two.
Do nice guys finish last, or is that a myth? And why do girls seem to love bad boys so much? While some women say they want a good man, being a good man and being a "nice guy" are not the same.
Here are eight common reasons women don't go for the nice guy:
1. Nice guys' personalities don't always seem genuine
Nice guys can be too nice. No one can always be that nice unless they're a saint. They are busy being nice instead of being real, and women instinctively don't trust that. Research from the University of Rochester and the Interdisciplinary Center found that women found nice men to be less appealing. Bad boys "keep it real." Nice guys don't want to upset the apple cart.
2. Nice guys show a lack of self-respect
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No one respects a doormat. Nice guys don't set boundaries or make any real demands. A bad boy doesn't let a woman walk all over him or control him. Women can't respect a man they can control. No respect equals no attraction. Research from 2002 confirms that mutual respect contributes to relationship success.
3. Nice guys can often be too predictable, which may be boring for some women
Most people lead boring, predictable lives, so they're attracted to people who are exciting and a bit unpredictable, research from McKendree University found. Bad boys are always a challenge. Nice guys are never a challenge. Predictable plus no excitement plus no challenge equals "I prefer a bad boy."
4. Loving bad boys is in our genes
Women are designed to nurture, research from the Pew Research Center states. However, instead of doing this with children, they often end up doing it with bad boys. They think their love will save them. Nice guys rarely need to be saved.
5. Women like to feel needed
Nice guys don't usually need "to be fixed." Bad boys usually do, so they become a "project." Some women think if they can "create" the perfect man, he will never leave them. Also, if they're busy fixing someone else, they don't have to look at what needs to be fixed in their own lives.
6. Nice guys may seem weak
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Research from 2012 shows women are subconsciously attracted to potential mates with strong genes. Bad boys send out a subconscious message that they have those powerful genes.
They believe their genes are so strong that they aren't afraid of losing a woman because of bad behavior. Nice guys' fear of losing their woman sends the exact opposite message.
7. Nice guys are into commitment, and that's intimidating to some women
If a woman is afraid of intimacy, she subconsciously knows she can avoid it with a bad boy, since she can never get close enough to him to have to go there. A nice guy will eventually want a commitment, and that's scary.
8. Some women have low self-esteem
We don't feel comfortable with people who treat us better than we treat ourselves. If you don't think much of yourself, the bad boy is simply reinforcing your negative beliefs.
Having low self-esteem, research from 2019 found, is linked to a range of negative outcomes, including increased anxiety, depression, and stress. A nice guy is treating you in a way you're not familiar with and that feels uncomfortable.
Lucia is a dating and relationship expert and the author of Lucia's Lessons of Love. She has been featured on radio and TV Shows as an expert, including Dr. Phil, The CBS Early Show, and Good Day LA.