Kim Cattrall Says Bad Sex Ruined Her Marriages
Samantha Jones' off-screen sex life was full of disappointments, Kim Cattrall admits.
G Holland / Shutterstock Kim Cattrall is best known for her role as Samantha Jones, a take-charge vixen with a knack for bedroom antics. But in past reports, Cattrall has confessed that her own sex life has been nothing like her signature character's — a character who was infamously left out — per Cattrall's choice — of the new HBOMax Sex and The City reboot And Just Like That.
Speaking about her youth, Cattrall said, "I wish I had realized that good looks mean nothing when it comes to sex.
Everyone expects great-looking guys and women to be having great sex. That's not true... I would constantly make excuses for bad sexual experiences. Poor sex was a factor in the first two of three marriages breaking up."
Her revelations have led many to doubt the validity of her sex advice. Can a woman for whom bad sex has ruined multiple marriages really be called a sexpert?
The answer? Absolutely. The marriages Cattrall identifies as sex-stinkers ended decades ago (her second marriage, to Andre J. Lyson, ended in 1989).
Those were the Mannequin years, people. Everyone was crimping their hair and wearing slouch socks with high heels. A lot of people were confused then.
More importantly, Cattrall was younger then. In The Sun article, Cattrall explains that in her youth, she thought orgasms were the only marker of good sex. For some women, it's difficult or impossible to orgasm regularly, even with an attentive partner, so this may partially explain her disappointment with her first pair of hubbies. As Cattrall notes, ignoring the rest of the sex experience is a younger woman's mistake:
It is one thing to have patience and build up a good sexual relationship, through love. But, with some men—I would say, in my experience, the majority of men—it is just never going to happen. I wish I had not made an orgasm my only goal. It is all about all-round sexual fulfillment."
While Cattrall blames bad sex for her first two divorces, she is careful to avoid painting third husband Mark Levinson (with whom she wrote sex advice book Sexual Intelligence) with the same brush.
It seems like a combination of changing expectations and a knowledgeable lover may have been enough to help Cattrall finally figure out what made her happy in the sack.
Perhaps because of her own miseducation about good sex, Cattrall goes out of her way to publicly dispel stereotypes about sexual fulfillment, noting that hot people don't have better sex than Average Joes, and reminding women that acting sexy isn't the same thing as feeling sexy (or having good sex.)
Kim has sorted out the issues that marred her youthful sexual experiences, and her eagerness to share the benefit of her past experience is what makes her a valuable expert on sex. When you're having bad sex, you want advice from someone who’s been there, too.
Last week, we cracked a fortune cookie that read "good judgment comes from experience. Experience comes from bad judgment."
Is it possible that good sex comes from experience, and experience comes from bad sex?
This would certainly seem to be the case for Kim.
Meghan Beresford has been a community member with YourTango since 2010.