5 Sneaky Thoughts That Sabotage Your Intimate Life — Without You Even Noticing
What if the problems in your bedroom are actually starting in your mind?
Rido | Canva Everyone who's anyone knows that having lots of great sex makes you feel better. Having a healthy, regular intimate life is good for the body, mind, and spirit. Recent studies have brought this to the public's attention again, but we've known about the positive benefits of sex for decades. And yet, somehow there are lots of people ignoring the advice.
I've written about some practical ways you can take responsibility for your pleasure, but the reality is most people probably already know what they need to do, and they're still not doing it.
The mind is the biggest and most powerful sex organ in the human body. Hidden inside the mind are the real reasons we don't do the things we know we can do to feel better. Subconsciously, we have limiting beliefs that make us act, or not act, in particular ways. These things make sense to our subconscious mind, but they usually don't hold water when they're brought out into the open.
What are some of the things your mind tells you that prevent you from being physically intimate with the one you love?
Here are 5 thoughts that sabotage your intimate life
1. You're not attractive enough
It tells you when you lose 10 pounds, buy the right lingerie, or start exercising, then you'll be ready. The problem is this type of thinking makes it so you are never ready.
2. You're not lovable enough
Thinking you are unlovable is you telling yourself that you can't attract a partner or make the one you have satisfied in bed.
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3. Sex is dirty
Our American culture in particular is sexually repressive and we've all integrated beliefs that make us think sex is dirty. It is nearly impossible to enjoy something you feel is dirty or shameful.
4. Not trusting your partner
Women especially need an emotional connection to feel safe and trusting in intimacy. When you feel disconnected from your partner outside the bedroom, you're unlikely to open your body to them.
5. Disconnecting from your body so you don't even know what feels good to you
If you don't know how to make yourself feel good, you can't teach someone else. Reconnect with your body, emotions, and desires so you can better communicate them to another.
The trick to changing your behaviors is to uncover and change the hidden beliefs that make you act the way you do. If you don't change the beliefs, your subconscious mind will repeatedly sabotage the behaviors to get your outer world to match your inner world. That's the real reason those ten pounds keep finding you, why you don't exercise, and why you're not having satisfying physical intimacy several times a week. It's not the kids, or your job, or your partner's work routine.
Change your thinking and you can change your world. Mental blocks to intimacy can be intensely persistent. But, once you can redirect your self-talk, you will become more open to the pleasure we all seek and desire.
Johanna Lyman is a culture and leadership development expert. She is the Principal Consultant and Practice Leader for Culture and Inclusion at Kadabra.