Relationship Killers-Bedroom Habits

I’ve been spending a lot of time surrounding myself with experts who have written extensively on the subject of dating and relationships.  I’ve had conversations with  psychologists, editors and authors who have published books, articles, blogs and even written a movie treatment or two.  During our discussions, one topic that consistently comes up is bedroom etiquette and how it can negatively impact a partner.  Most of what I was hearing seemed like common knowledge but the truth is that what happens in between the sheets can kill what was once heated chemistry. 

Whether you’ve met someone new or you’ve been in a marriage for ten years, if you eliminate the following habits your love life could improve in and out of the bedroom.

The Hold Out:  When I asked five successfully married couples (those who’ve been married more than 20+ years), for one piece of advice that helped them keep their marriage together, four of the five of the couples had the very same answer.  In an astounding vote they all agreed, “Never go to bed mad.”  I thought it was a silly, cliché rule that couples of the past had just said for the sake of saying it and wanted to pass it on to younger generations.  But, as my own marriage goes into its third year I’ve come to realize that there is purpose in this virtue.  Solving problems before you retire not only resolves them mentally, emotionally and physically it creates a deeper bond and level of intimacy between two people.  Holding out and keeping anger and resentment overnight carries it to the next day and increases the emotional distance between a couple.  If you’re curious about the fifth couple’s secret for a strong marriage, they said, “always say yes to sex.”

Snacking under the Sheets:  If you’re a fan of eating in bed you may need to rethink this habit if you’re partner isn’t.  Nothing kills sex faster than rolling around in Oreo cookie crumbs or feeling sticky stuff between your toes during a love making session.  If munching in bed means a full-course meal, be mindful of picking up after yourself when you’re done.  A friend of mine, Ginny, lost her boyfriend immediately when his bare skin hit metal as he rolled over into a long lost fork.  Beds are soft, smooth, and food-free environments meant for cuddling.  Invest in a dining room table to keep your love life alive.

Benji in Bed:  My friend Donna had a beautiful five-year old Yorkshire named Benji.  She carried him in her purse, went grocery shopping with him by her side, and even snuggled up with him under her duvet.  A few years later, Donna started dating Jim and the happy couple became a three-some with the dog sleeping in between them at night.  Eventually, Donna’s devotion to her pet cursed the intimacy of the relationship when they needed one-on-one time.  Benji would bite, bark and snarl when Jim came near.  Unfortunately, Donna and Jim didn’t survive a long term union but you can if you follow this simple rule: hamsters sleep in a cage, horses sleep in a stall and fish sleep in a tank.  Dogs and cats should have their own beds too.

Oh, that Smell:  Another bedroom habit that has couples turned off to sex is centered round the issue of smells.  Couples complain about everything from bad breath, to body odor and flatulence.  It sounds disgusting but it’s more common than you think.  Many couples grow comfortable with one another and forget about the small common courtesies that they had for their partners in the beginning.  No matter how long you’ve been together, it’s important to put some spice and spark in your life before you sleep.  Basic rules of thumb include brushing your teeth before bed or taking a shower if you’ve been sweating it up all day.  Take that extra step by dabbing on a nice smelling lotion or cologne to get the sexual fires burning. 

As for the taboo subject of flatulence, it’s a natural reaction but excessive gas is a physical condition caused primarily by a poor diet.  Drink more water, eat more fiber and watch your health.  It’s a big sexual turn-off to be with someone who relieves themselves under the sheets.  This can immediately turn the sex meter to the off position.

Other bad bedroom habits include talking in your sleep, especially about an ex, and not finding time to cuddle at night before going to bed. 

Making a few small changes can bring back some heat underneath the sheets.

Lori Bizzoco is a writer living in Brooklyn, NY.  She is currently working on a memoir detailing how she found love in less than a year.  For more dating advice, follow her on twitter at www.twitter.com/loribizz or check out her writer’s website at www.loribizz.com

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