When Did Women Start Accepting Less
Name: Calypso | Location: NYC , |Question:Moxie, I met "Bob" at the end of the summer. At first we hungout asfriends. He'd invite me to happy hour w/ his friends and I'd do the same. Onenight while out and drinking we shared our first kiss. I went home with him thatevening but nothing happened. He gave me pajamas and we shared the same bed butthat was it. We didnt have sex.
We hungout a few more times afterthat. The last time we hungout turned from simple happy hour drinks to 2 daysin his apt - at the end of the night he asked me to come home with him (we bothcalled off work and stayed glued on his sofa watching tv, eating food and makingout from thurs night until sat morning BUT no sex again). Since those 2 dayswe've texted some, Facebook'ed some but that is it. I've invited him out acouple of times but he couldn't come (friends in town and sick). He texted melast week to see if I was hanging out but I wasn't.
I'm reallyattracted to this guy. We have things in common. He makes me laugh etc etc.What's my next move? I'd like to see where this thing (if it's even that) couldlead. Is there anything for me to even react on? Do you even think he'sinerested? |Age: 32
Thereis no next move for you. If he's interested, he'll get in touch withyou and ask you out. He won't send you that last minute text to seewhat you're up to because he has no other plans.
I know you thinkhe was being a gentleman by not pushing for sex, but all he was doingwas hoping you'd change your mind. And really, if you're going to playhouse for two days, you should be putting out. Or you shouldn't beplaying house.
It's bad enough when women blow off previouslymade plans for some guy who contacts her last minute. But work? Whenpeople are getting laid off left and right? That's just foolish. Thatwould actually make me think less of the guy. Unless you're actuallysick, you go to work.
Never show a guy that level of interest sosoon, especially when you're not even dating. You're giving him way toomuch power. That goes for first dates, too. You agree to meet fordrinks, meet for drinks. Not drinks, then dinner than a night at aclub. Those dates shouldn't come until you know there's an actualdirection for this relationship. Dates where the guy encourages you tostay out and drink? Bad sign. The first few dates should be ones whereyou can actually get to know each other, not shout over music and swapsloppy, drunken kisses. First date? 90 minutes to two hours MAX. Makeup an excuse or actually have other plans and leave. This is why Idon't do Friday or Saturday evening (8pm or later) dates. A guy wholeaves those nights wide open for a first date screams "I'm justlooking to get laid." I had a first date about 3 weeks ago. It was anearly Sunday night. After two and a half hours, I announced that I hadto go home. I could tell by the look on his face he had expected me togo back home with him. Which, looking back on it, made me wonder ifthat's how his typical first dates go. I didn't, of course got the "Ihave a lot on my plate" message about a week later. Mystery solved, noharm done, I had a fun night out with a sexy guy and he bought me acouple glasses of wine and some salmon. But if I had hung out with himat the bar for much longer, I would have been pretty bummed when heblew me off.
When a guy wants to get to know you and try tohave a real relationship, he's not going to contact you last minute.He's going to make plans. And if the 2 days you spent together holed upin his apartment meant to him what it seems to mean to you...HE'D CALLYOU. Or at the very least email you at your personal email address.(and that's pushing it.) Not facebook you or IM you. Any guy whoinvites you to hang in his house for two days is looking for sex.Period. If he had wanted to get to know you, he'd have gone about itmuch differently. He wouldn't keep inviting you to bars to "hang out"with him and his friends. He'd want to be alone with you so he could spend quality time with you.
Somewhere along the line, women have started settlingfor less. Why? Tell me. Why? I mean, I know that the odds are againstus in terms of sheer math. But, really? When did we start getting allgiddy over the fact that a guy Facebook messaged us and shot us a textlast minute? What happened to expecting a phone call or requiring a guymake plans with us in advance? When did we start giving men the edgeand a free pass to be lazy? Have we all just given in to the idea thatwe must accept what we can get or else be passed over? We're notteenagers. So, when did our love lives become some afterschool specialabout peer pressure?
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