3 Ways To "Size" A Man Up

OK kids, first things first. Size does not matter to every woman. Plenty of women are satisfied good and plenty and even preferably with some skillful fingers and well-played tongues and a good battery-operated assistant. That being said, it does matter to some women and it certainly seems to matter to lots of guys who want to know if they measure up or not (as our many other articles on the topic might indicate). Wait. Size Matters, After All?

But how can a woman (or man) tell if a man will measure up (before the clothes are off, that is)? Are there certain ways a person can know for sure just by looking? Does Size Matter?

We don't think there are definite 100% board-certified correct answers to these questions, but we do have some ideas of where a person may want to look, if this is a topic of importance to him or her.

1. His hands. We've heard plenty of people say it's height that should be considered, or noses, or even ears when it comes to figuring out a man's size. But let's face it: there are plenty of short guys with big packages and lots of men with big noses who are modestly endowed. We have, however, learned from an informal survey of half a dozen people who refer to themselves as size queens that they always look at the hands first when they meet a new man. Does their strategy work? We don't know, but we'll certainly be a little more distracted from now on every time the men around us gesticulate.

2. His car. Is it enormous and gas-guzzling? Sporty and fast? Embarrassingly ostentatious and a little bit stupid? Does he constantly talk about how smooth the ride is? Or how huge his tires are? If he's spending this much time on his car and talking about it constantly in ways that sound like sexual metaphors, you might be in trouble. This is what we call overcompensation. And while his size may be perfectly adequate, this guy's confidence in it might not be.

3. His ego. We all like a man who is strong and able and self-assured. We like a man who's got it together and can be relied on in a crunch. And as it so happens, for some guys, this sort of self-assurance comes from or is enhanced by a complete lack of insecurity when it comes to the size of their man parts. Why else would Tommy Lee feel so comfortable seducing both Heather Locklear and Pamela Anderson? Why else would Kevin Federline think he was even worthy of pre-Kevin Federline Britney Spears? We're pretty sure it's due solely to one thing, and that that one thing is, as they say, bigger than a loaf of bread.