11 Subtle Traits Of A Person Who Acts Like They Don't Care But Is Actually Overly Sensitive
While these people may try to appear emotionally detached, they feel things quite deeply.
Jose Calsina | Shutterstock When it comes to individuals who are constantly aloof, indifferent, and emotionally detached to certain moments in life, they are sometimes more affected than they appear to let off. These types of people are usually extremely good at hiding their true feelings and emotions because of this fear that being seen as "too sensitive" is a bad thing. In actuality, sensitivity is one of the strongest traits a person can have, because it means they're able to experience life on a deeper level.
However, people who are the complete opposite have built-up emotional armor around them that's quite hard to penetrate. And when this armor becomes too strong, there are subtle traits of a person who acts like they don't care but is actually overly sensitive that reveal themselves. While they may try their best, the actions of these people often come to light in quite deep ways.
Here are 11 subtle traits of a person who acts like they don't care but is actually overly sensitive
1. They're dismissive of compliments
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When someone is usually overly sensitive, they have a hard time accepting compliments others throw their way. Instead of being able to accept a compliment with gratitude and appreciation, they'll often say things like, "You're just saying that," or "I don't think so," because they might suffer from self-doubt and confidence issues.
It's not that they don't want to believe the compliment but they just genuinely struggle to see themselves in the way that others do. As psychologist Guy Winch, PhD explained, "A person with low self-esteem is likely to use unconscious defense mechanisms when they hear compliments from partners. Praise will only make them shut down and become more distant and withdrawn, as they hope (unconsciously) to lower [others] expectations by doing so."
2. They deflect serious conversations with humor
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Certain people usually lean on humor as their go-to mechanism when confronted with serious conversations or moments when they actually need to be vulnerable. Deflection like this is one of the subtle traits of a person who acts like they don't care but is actually overly sensitive.
Instead of just expressing how they really feel, they'll mask it by using sarcasm, self-deprecating humor, or playful teasing as a way to redirect the focus from them having to express any sort of serious emotion. However, beneath their laughs is usually a person who is deeply sensitive but is just afraid to reveal too much because they fear they may be met with rejection or shame.
"Vulnerability is an inevitable part of life. So many things require vulnerability: trying something new, sharing a difficult experience, expressing emotions, and if we constantly have a guard up, we often end up living a less fulfilling life," psychologist Jennifer Caspari, PhD revealed.
"Instead of trying to guard against it, we can practice embracing vulnerability knowing that it often leads to personal growth and will make our lives more meaningful in the long run."
3. They go silent after being hurt
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People who act like they don't care but are secretly sensitive are often the type of individuals who disappear, both emotionally and physically, or even go silent after they've been hurt. In moments of serious conflict or vulnerability, their instinct is to retreat so they don't have to deal with the discomfort of being emotionally exposed because they fear being rejected or misunderstood.
To avoid this altogether, these individuals would rather avoid having to express their pain. Their silence isn't just empty, they're usually simply struggling to process.
"Sometimes someone has little to no skill in self-management and expression. When they get upset they flood with emotions and reason flies away. When we are oblivious to this, we might deal with our discomfort in ways detrimental to the well being of our relationship," psychotherapist Yana Hoffman and professor Hank Davis, PhD pointed out.
4. They're reluctant to ask for help
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Individuals who want to appear emotionally detached usually struggle with being able to ask for help when needed. They're hyper-independent and have trained themselves to avoid having to depend on others at all costs.
They carry this belief that if they rely on the support from people in their lives, it might expose a more vulnerable side of them that they aren't trying to show at all. Most of the time, it's usually a pride thing, as these individuals think asking for help is usually a sign of weakness. However, it's always the opposite.
"The refusal to ask for help is a kind of sickness in itself, even a kind of arrogance — the blind insistence on doing it all by yourself, no matter what — because along with it comes the message that no one's help is worth the price in vulnerability it will cost you, that ultimately no one can console you, no one can ease your pain, if you yourself can't," author and speaker Gregg Levoy said.
"But such cussedness betrays a tremendous lack of faith in others, in the leathery stamina of love, and in your own ability to survive embarrassment."
5. They overcompensate their confidence
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When an individual is always trying to appear confident, whether they're trying to dominate conversations, asserting themselves, or always emphasizing how "unbothered" they are, it's usually a mask to try and hide how deeply insecure they are. This type of inflated confidence is usually not genuine.
"Over-emphasizing confidence reduces self-awareness, creates a narcissistic culture, and makes humility a rare trait in leadership positions," explained psychologist and author Tomas Chamorro-Premuzic PhD.
But it's just a façade to keep others away from seeing the true version of who they are. These individuals may have been hurt, shamed, or rejected in the past, so now they feel that it's in their best interest to seem "bigger" than their actual emotions.
6. They minimize conflict
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One of the subtle traits of a person who acts like they don't care but is actually overly sensitive is trying to appear aloof, but going out of their way to avoid conflicts and disagreements with those in their lives. To others around them, it may appear that they're simply unbothered and refuse to get involved in unnecessary drama but, in reality, confrontation or even being confronted themselves is just emotionally overwhelming for them.
They would rather brush things under the rug than have to face the discomfort of being open about how they feel. Whether it's someone hurting their feelings or them hurting someone else's feelings, they would rather let it roll off their back and continue on with their day.
"Conflicts and disagreements are unavoidable. It is important to realize that the benefits of conflict resolution extend beyond resolving disagreements, contributing significantly to personal growth, emotional well-being, and healthy relationships," psychotherapist Moshe Ratson insisted.
7. They're overly defensive
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An individual who is secretly emotional and sensitive usually becomes overly defensive when they feel even a hint of being emotionally exposed and judged by those around them. Their defensiveness isn't about trying to feign arrogance and an unwillingness to grow, but rather, a way to shield themselves from having to compromise the peace they feel by keeping their emotions buried deep within themselves.
This response of being defensive is just rooted in fear. However, this only further isolates them and puts their insecurities under even more of a microscope.
8. They criticize others for being vulnerable
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People who try to mask their vulnerability will often project the way they feel about their emotions onto others. They may roll their eyes or dismiss someone's attempt to have a heartfelt conversation because not only does it make them uncomfortable talking about or acknowledging their own feelings, but they feel the same way about being confronted with emotions of those around them.
According to psychology experts from Psychology Today, "People tend to project because they have a trait or desire that is too difficult to acknowledge. Rather than confronting it, they cast it away and onto someone else. This functions to preserve their self-esteem, making difficult emotions more tolerable. It's easier to attack or witness wrongdoing in another person than confront that possibility in one's own behavior."
For these individuals, they've conditioned themselves to suppress their emotions to the point where they just don't have the emotional capability of holding space and embracing the emotions of others. Their criticism has nothing to do with the person, but with the lack of peace they feel within themselves.
9. They overreact to the smallest inconveniences
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Individuals who try to feign emotional detachment usually overreact to the most minor of things. While these things may seem insignificant to others, for them, it can feel like the breaking point. However, this is usually their suppressed emotions coming to the surface because they've been holding them in for a long time. The smallest inconvenience or comment can set them off, but their reaction is usually not related to just one thing.
Because most of their feelings have been brushed under the rug, the smallest trigger is used as a way to release some of their pent-up emotions. However, this is not a healthy way to get things off your chest as it doesn't allow you to properly address the root of your emotions.
10. They avoid talking about their past traumas
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For people who struggle with showing their emotions, they often have a hard time opening up and being vulnerable. This is especially true when it comes to trauma and past hurts that they've experienced, and the inability to discuss this with even their closest friends and family members is one of the subtle traits of a person who acts like they don't care but is actually overly sensitive.
Recounting those past experiences is hard for them because they've worked so hard to repress them in the first place, and they simply see no reason why they should have to dredge up those moments to others. However, being able to talk about past traumas with people, especially loved ones, is part of the healing process. It helps to have others around you that can offer comfort and even perspective about the things you've been through.
According to clinical psychologist Evan Parks, PsyD, "Talking can help you change the narrative surrounding the traumatic event. When our thoughts are heard silently in our minds, they seem convincing. But when we say our thoughts to others, we can see the flaws and faulty reasoning more easily."
11. They try to hide their loneliness
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Despite how emotionally detached these individuals try to seem, they often feel quite lonely because they refuse to let others all the way in. However, they won't let anyone know they're feeling lonely and will instead try to hide it. Whether it's them refusing company, trying to seem independent, or pretending to be too busy to socialize, these are often subtle ways that they try to dismiss being vulnerable.
The fear of rejection and disappointment keeps them stagnant and unwilling to take the emotional risk of allowing others to see behind the mask. The only way they know how to keep people at arms' length is by simply shutting themselves off from being around people.
Nia Tipton is a staff writer with a bachelor's degree in creative writing and journalism who covers news and lifestyle topics that focus on psychology, relationships, and the human experience.
