Mom-To-Be Questions If She’s Wrong To Ban Her Fiancé’s Friends From Coming Over While She’s Pregnant
She insisted that during these last few months of pregnancy, she wants a calm environment.
Ticketcraft | Shutterstock A mom-to-be questioned if she was wrong for telling her fiancé that she had a problem with the fact that his friends were coming over to their house while she was still pregnant. Posting to Reddit, the 19-year-old who is 27 weeks pregnant explained that she was fed up with her fiancé bringing his friends over, especially as they were reaching the end of her pregnancy, and she insisted that she just wanted it to be only the two of them in their house.
A mom-to-be wants to ban her fiancé's friends from coming over while she's pregnant.
Sharing a text conversation that she had with her fiancé, the mom-to-be told him that she didn't want his friends in the house anymore. She explained to him that she was originally fine with it during the first few months of her pregnancy, but now that she's nearing the end, she wants their house to be "somewhat calm and clean with no visitors."
Pavel Danilyuk | Canva Pro
"At the start I was fine with my fiancé’s friends coming over but as it gets closer it’s starting to irritate me more and more. This might sound crazy but they were over last night and they definitely aren’t the quietest but I fell asleep before the left and I woke up and I could literally smell them," she admitted. She insisted that she just wants their house to only be the two of them.
After texting her fiancé about how she felt when his friends were over, he responded that he can't just completely shut the door on them. He pointed out that their house is known as the "party" home where he and his friends can decompress, so whether or not they end up going out, they usually end the night back at their place.
The mom-to-be argued that it's been 'overwhelming' to have his friends over.
"This isn't a forever thing and I would love for them to come visit once the baby is born," she continued. "You've been nothing but supportive and helpful during this pregnancy but please, can you do this for me?"
Her fiancé claimed that they would need to actually sit down and talk about her request in person. If she truly didn't want his friends to come over, they would need to work out scheduled times when she would be fine with having company over. He promised that they would speak about it when he came home.
It's understandable why she would be fed up with her fiancé having friends over, especially considering she's getting further along in her pregnancy. She's at a very stressful point in her journey, both physically and mentally. All she wants is to have a calm and peaceful environment. While it's her fiancé's house just as much as it is hers, there comes a point where they both need to have respect for sharing a space together.
The bigger issue is that things are about to change for this couple, and hanging out with friends will be secondary to the baby and sleep.
One commenter summed everything up simply, "He doesn’t seem to understand things are about to change; nor do you, when you say it will be okay after the baby. Totally normal on both your parts but it made me smile a bit. Someone else’s house needs to become the 'party house' now. Visitors, fine (usually after baby is somewhat safe from getting initial shots, otherwise you may want to limit close contact), but up to you how much risk you are comfortable with. You won’t want to be the party house though. Not with a barely sleeping baby."
Carlos Santiago | Canva Pro
It's not uncommon for parents-to-be to expect life with baby to be one way and then, once baby comes, for all those expectations to fall by the wayside. In fact, most young couples think the only difference between life before and after baby is that there is another person living in the house. Unfortunately, like this couple is learning, having a baby changes everything, even before the baby makes their first appearance.
Psychologist Dr. Nicole Pernod told Expectful, "Expectations are great to have for one another, but when life happens, sometimes reality isn’t going to match the expectation that each partner will have for the other. If you have a story in your head of how things ought to be, and then that doesn’t happen, then a further story could emerge that could become catastrophic for a relationship. 'My partner doesn’t care as much as I do. My partner doesn’t care about the baby as much as I do.' In reality, one thing doesn’t equal the other. I think it’s really smart to have these conversations beforehand, but there needs to be flexibility within the expectations because each day is different."
This conversation is definitely better to have in person. The two of them can work towards a compromise, whether that means having his friends over but telling them to leave once it hits a certain time in the evening, and then maybe cleaning up after they're gone so that their home is clean and spotless again.
Regardless of her request, this is the perfect opportunity for the mom-to-be and her fiancé to start learning how to communicate about the impending changes to their lives and to learn to be flexible because things are about to change more than either seems to realize.
Nia Tipton is a staff writer with a bachelor's degree in creative writing and journalism who covers news and lifestyle topics that focus on psychology, relationships, and the human experience.
