11 Things A Safe Man Will Never Do To The Person He Loves
A safe man will never create a relationship based in chaos.
AYO Production | Shutterstock A loving and healthy relationship should never have a person second-guessing the trust they put into their partner. More than anything, people want to feel safe with their significant other, both with their safety and with their emotions. While there are many things a safe man will never do to the person he loves, above all, he will honor their needs, make sure his actions don't make his partner feel on edge, or play with their mind, feelings, or heart.
He will show up in ways his partner didn't even have to ask him to do, simply because he loves and values them and wants them in his life. It means this is a relationship where neither partner has to worry or be anxious about being manipulated or controlled, or made to feel small, because a person who loves their partner will never do those things.
Here are 11 things a safe man will never do to the person he loves
1. Make his partner responsible for his emotions
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A safe man knows that he's responsible for his own emotions and shouldn't ever make his partner feel overwhelmed or obligated to fix something that he should be working on in the first place. He will take accountability for his mistakes and knows the right inner work to make sure he's regulating his emotions instead of taking it out on his partner.
"Don't rob your partner of a chance to grow. You don't have to react in a certain way to every expression of emotion from them. Just let them meet themselves," explained clinical social worker Assael Romanelli, PhD. For a man who is incredibly safe for his partner, he knows he's not only in control of how he feels, but he never makes his partner feel like they're the catalyst for any negativity he's experiencing.
2. Minimize how his partner is feeling
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One of the important things a safe man will never do to the person he loves is minimize how his partner feels. He won't make his partner feel like they're overreacting or being dramatic because he knows that their feelings are just as valid as his.
He'll listen and create space for his partner to get everything they're feeling out into the open, without judgment or criticism. He'll also respect and be aware of their boundaries because he understands that true intimacy has to be built on mutual respect.
As psychotherapist Leon F. Seltzer, PhD encouraged, "Listen to them in a caring, attentive manner they can't help but recognize as empathic. You're not attempting to alter their viewpoint or to fix their problem, just letting them know you're concerned that they're stuck in a bad place and (right now at least) can't see their way out of it."
3. Avoid responsibility when he's challenged or triggered
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When presented with a challenge in his relationship, a safe and secure man will never run from it, but will instead face it head-on with determination. He faces conflict with understanding, humility and, most of all, maturity because he knows that he can only grow in a relationship with someone else if they're actively working through moments of conflict and tension.
According to mental health writer Stephanie A. Wright, "The issue with brushing an issue under the rug is that the problem this couple is facing will likely not go away until it is addressed. And until it is addressed, resentment can build. Conflict avoidance, therefore, often leads to a larger confrontation down the road."
4. Raise his voice to intimidate
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A safe man is willing to understand that in order to have healthy communication with his partner, yelling and becoming irate will get him nowhere. He knows that raising his voice in anger will only work to silence his partner and make them feel as if they cannot come to him anymore because they'll be scared of how he'll react.
Fear in a relationship is never a good thing. You should never be afraid of your partner, and a safe man knows that, which is why he's able to regulate his emotions in a calm fashion without becoming aggressive with his partner.
"One thing to consider here is that not arguing shouldn't suggest not communicating. Conflict is a necessary part of every relationship; we can't have light without darkness. That conflict, however, better serves us when it is approached creatively," psychotherapist Michael J. Formica pointed out. "Creativity here is intended in the most basic sense of the word; to build something, rather than tear it down."
5. Use love as a reward
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There's nothing conditional about being in love with someone. In fact, research published in the Journal of Personality has even found that conditional love based on reward meant that people who experienced it were more likely to feel less satisfied in their relationships and less close with their partners. They tended to even feel worse on days when they perceived their partner was withholding affection as a punishment.
A safe man will never dangle his love above his partner's head as a reward for being obedient or for doing things his way. Even in moments of conflict, he'll still show his partner how much he loves them, even if he might not necessarily like them in that moment. He knows that true love is never about control or manipulation but care and trust.
6. Control who they see or talk to
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A healthy relationship is always based on trust, so one of the things a safe man will never do to the person he loves is control their other relationships with friends and family. A safe and secure man knows that if he no longer trusts his partner, he'll simply leave instead of trying to control who they're hanging out with and speaking to.
"Remind yourself to work hard in respecting your partner's autonomy, even when they choose a different path," explained clinical psychologist Andrea Bonior, PhD. "Sometimes, the damage done by a controlling relationship is irreversible, or your partner may decide — very justifiably — that continuing on the path of being in a relationship with you is just no longer the best option for them."
A safe man won't resort to guilt-tripping them or trying to manipulate them in any way because he's not searching to feel more powerful. If it ever comes down to that, he'll simply walk away with integrity because the relationship isn't working. He would never want to cut off his partner from their support system just because he doesn't know how to handle his own jealous feelings.
7. Project his pain onto his partner
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A safe man is able to understand that his partner doesn't deserve to hold the pain that he has experienced in his past. He doesn't blame his significant other for problems that occurred before they came into his life nor does he make them the target of his emotions.
Instead of trying to blame his partner or withdraw, he's able to work through his issues and even open up to his partner about things that may have traumatized him and left a mark. He'll invest in things like therapy because he knows that while his partner is there to listen, they shouldn't have to bear the brunt of his experiences.
8. Shame vulnerability
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A safe and secure man knows that the real strength and true testament of masculinity has nothing to do with how physically strong and capable he is; rather, it has to do with being able to have vulnerable moments with his partner. He won't ever mock the emotions that he's not only feeling, but his partner is feeling as well.
Instead, he'll welcome those moments of serious conversations because he knows that's where the true connection is and will continue to thrive. In his eyes, being able to sit with emotions is what makes a real man, not someone who simply runs away from them.
According to licensed clinical psychologist Jennifer Caspari, PhD, vulnerability is something that's inevitably not only in life, but in relationships as well. "So many things require vulnerability: trying something new, sharing a difficult experience, expressing emotions, and if we constantly have a guard up, we often end up living a less fulfilling life," she said.
However, Caspari recommended, "Instead of trying to guard against it, we can practice embracing vulnerability knowing that it often leads to personal growth and will make our lives more meaningful in the long run."
9. Use past trauma as an excuse for bad behavior
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A safe and secure man knows that his past experiences are his and his alone to deal with and work through. He will never mistreat his partner and blame it on circumstances that have nothing to do with them, because he knows that he has to be the one to take responsibility for his trauma.
Just because he may have experienced something monumental at some point in life, it doesn't mean he gets a free pass to treat people any which way. Instead, he's aware that the true measure of strength is acknowledging these unresolved issues in whatever way that looks like. Whether it's therapy, journaling, meditation, or having honest conversations.
10. Ignore boundaries
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A safe man knows that boundaries are to never be ignored or trampled over. While he has his own boundaries that he doesn't want his partner to walk all over, he expresses that same courtesy to them as well. He doesn't try to persuade, manipulate, or control but instead listens with intention and adjusts his behavior accordingly.
He never wants his partner to feel that he's not a safe space for them. He values their comfort above all else, and that starts with listening and respecting their boundaries. He knows the damage that ignoring his partner's boundaries can do, which can often result in the deterioration of the relationship.
And according to mental health writer Sheldon Reid, "Without healthy boundaries, your relationships can become toxic and unsatisfying and your well-being can suffer... Similarly, if you continually ignore another person's boundaries, you risk making them feel uncomfortable and damaging the relationship."
11. Make it feel like loving him is exhausting
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A safe man is more than aware that love means peace, not emotional hardships. He doesn't create confusing situations or start conflict just because he's bored and looking to spice things up. He isn't toxic just for fun either.
Instead, as one of the things a safe man will never do to the person he loves, he's a calming presence in his partner's life and does everything in his power to make life easier for them, not harder. He takes responsibility for his actions and doesn't leave his partner to do all of the emotional heavy lifting. Because of this, he's able to create a relationship that feels just as safe as he does.
Nia Tipton is a staff writer with a bachelor's degree in creative writing and journalism who covers news and lifestyle topics that focus on psychology, relationships, and the human experience.
