11 Quiet Ways To Let Someone Know They've Lost Access To You For Good
Cutting someone off doesn't need to be overly dramatic.
Kmpzzz | Shutterstock Everyone deals with a toxic relationship at one point or another in their life, but navigating the fallout, stress, and anxiety that erupts in its aftermath is something nobody is ever truly ready to deal with. Of course, we've all heard the basic principles of navigating a bad situation — focus on yourself, lean on friends, or cut off contact. But how can you remind someone in a less dramatic way that you're not willing to tolerate their misbehavior anymore?
Especially if it's a less dramatic situation or an informal relationship — think: a toxic co-worker or a bad mutual friend — it's much different to navigate than a toxic spouse or partner. Luckily, there are many quiet ways to let someone know they've lost access to you for good — subtle behaviors that give you the confidence to set and enforce boundaries while also protecting your peace from toxicity in every aspect of your life.
Here are 11 quiet ways to let someone know they've lost access to you for good
1. Unfollow their social media
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If someone consistently oversteps your boundaries or sabotages your well-being, it's probably time to cut them off. But what does that truly look like? For starters, stop following them on social media. When you're constantly seeing their face in photos that they're likely perfectly curating to bother you or spark anxiety in people they dislike, you're setting yourself up for failure.
Don't keep up with what they don't, stop watching their stories, and put all of that time and energy back into yourself. You can not only start posting things for yourself, outside the scope of their perceptions, you can also spend less time ruminating on social media.
2. Stop explaining yourself
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According to psychotherapist Kaytee Gillis, many people with poor communication skills and low self-esteem feel pressured to overexplain themselves in conversations to appease other people's comfort. They consistently overlook their own needs for the sake of others, allow people to overstep their boundaries, and give in to pressure from toxic people in their life.
When you stop explaining yourself to others and make decisions that are in your best interest, you quickly weed out the toxic people who have been taking advantage of your passiveness.
It's one of the quick and quiet ways to let someone know they've lost access to you for good — refusing to let them influence your decisions or take advantage of your vague boundaries.
3. Archive the memories
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Letting go of a toxic friend or relationship can be a struggle, especially when you're always offered up reminders of the highlights. When an old Facebook memory pops up or your phone's photo album offers up images from when things were still okay, it can be easy to feel guilt or regret over cutting someone off.
But archiving those memories can ensure you're protecting your peace. You'll still have the memories to reflect on, but you're not forced to keep up with what's going on in their lives, make excuses for their misbehavior, or live in the past by reminiscing on old photos.
4. Block their number
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According to psychotherapist Jessica Baum, disconnection — even from a toxic partner or a bad friend — can feel uncomfortable and strange at first, but sometimes it's exactly the kind of space we need to remind them that they no longer have access to us and influence over our well-being.
By blocking someone's number or social media accounts, you spark disconnection of your own accord — redirecting any energy, effort, or anxiety away from that person and back into yourself and getting back on a healthy path.
It can feel impossible to heal when the anxiety, stress, and resentment sparked by seeing someone is all over your social media or in a late-night text message every weekend. But don't be afraid to use the block button for some peace.
5. Stop responding to them
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Many of us, whether we struggle with people-pleasing tendencies or not, tend to make ourselves 100% available to everyone in our lives, whether they're healthy for us or not. We respond to their messages immediately, give them grace when they take advantage of our kindness, and even put our own needs aside for the sake of their comfort and well-being.
The quiet ways to let someone know they've lost access to you for good starts with setting boundaries. Don't respond to their messages quickly or overlook your own responsibilities for the sake of their comfort.
Eventually, when you stop responding altogether, it's not a dramatic end to the relationship, but a subtle distance and disconnect that ensures you're protecting your peace without guilt or pressure.
6. Do things for yourself
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The best way to remind someone that they've lost access to you for good is to work on yourself. Start posting things, crafting habits, and cultivating a routine that's centered around you and your needs, rather than another person's.
Healthy habits, rooted in personal development and self-esteem, have the power to truly transform your life, according to a study from the National Institutes of Health, boosting your physical and mental health without worry or anxiety about supporting others.
Of course, when you show up better for yourself, you're more likely to attract and build meaningful relationships with people who can support and celebrate you in taking care of your own well-being.
Hurt people with toxic intentions love to see you struggling. It's much more comfortable and stabilizing for them to watch someone else fall down to their level, so don't give them the satisfaction.
7. Stay cool, calm, and distant in conversations
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If you're forced to interact with someone who's been toxic or unproductive in your life, don't give them the satisfaction of an argument or highly emotional response; instead, remain cool, calm, and collected.
Consider a toxic co-worker who pokes fun at you, gets under your skin, or tries to make the working environment overly competitive for no apparent reason. You can't always completely cut them off — like leaving the job or transferring teams — but you can quietly remind them that they've lost access to you and your effort.
Emotional resilience isn't an easy practice to master, but it is something you can commit to on a daily basis, according to psychotherapist Amy Morin — protecting your own well-being, even in the face of stress, chaos, and toxicity.
8. Redirect discomfort into change
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Many people fear the unknown or the future because it's unpredictable. When you cut off a toxic relationship, stop talking to a friend, or start focusing on crafting a new routine, everything seems uncertain and new, but when you take this discomfort and redirect it into productivity or intentionality toward yourself, everything can flourish in its wake.
Make the intentional decision to redirect any kind of tension, resentment, or discomfort you have toward a toxic person into a hobby, habit, or de-stressing routine. Go on a run, join a workout class, or make a passionate piece of art to cope with these feelings, but don't give them the satisfaction of ruining your whole mood.
Many of the quiet ways to let someone know they've lost access to you for good don't revolve around a face-to-face conversation or interaction, but rather, a series of steps that shift your mindset and allow you to truly focus on yourself.
9. Stop reaching out first
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If you're dealing with a toxic friend or family member and simply stop reaching out, chances are the silence will be deafening, especially for them. Not only will it be a reminder that the effort you've been putting into the relationship was never mutual, it's also one of the quiet ways to let someone know they've lost access to you for good.
Not everyone gets the privilege of being in your life, especially if they're taking advantage of your kindness, overlooking your needs, and subtly disrespecting you every time you see each other. Set boundaries early, focus on yourself, and don't be afraid to protect your peace online — the block button is more essential than you realize.
10. Stop talking about them
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While gossip has been shown to promote bonding and social connection in relationships, the consequences of consistently talking or gossiping about a toxic person in your life far outweigh any kind of positives. When you speak about someone, you're giving them power over your well-being, mood, and social connections, but when you stop bringing them up in casual conversations, you're taking back control.
It's one of the most subtle quiet ways to let someone know they've lost access to you for good — they're no longer a main character in your story or a running topic in casual conversation, but an afterthought and motivation for change.
11. Call them out on their misbehavior
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Of course, the best way to deal with a toxic person in your life is to remain cool, calm, and collected when you're forced to interact. But if they're consistently disrespecting your boundaries or treating you poorly, there comes a time when it's appropriate to call it out.
Sometimes, standing up for yourself and publicly calling people out when they treat you poorly is one of the quiet ways to let someone know they've lost access to you for good.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a staff writer with a bachelor's degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
