11 Comforting Phrases To Say Out Loud To Your Inner Child To Start Feeling Better
It's time to start re-writing your narrative.
fizkes | Shutterstock For people who had a particularly difficult upbringing, acknowledging their inner child is an essential step toward healing, self-understanding and personal growth. When we experience pain, rejection, or emotional invalidation as children, those experiences don't just disappear with age; rather, they often linger quietly in the background, influencing our behaviors, our fears, our relationships, and even our self-worth.
Unless we take the time to tend to these emotional wounds, they will continue to impact our lives in ways we may not even realize. Comforting our inner child is not about remaining stuck in the past, but giving the younger you what they needed, so the adult you can thrive. If you want to build an emotionally healthy future, there are certain comforting phrases to say out loud to your inner child to start feeling better and move toward thorough healing.
Here are 11 comforting phrases to say out loud to your inner child to start feeling better
1. 'You're safe now'
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Your childhood may have been filled with disorder, chaos, and uncertainty, which made it difficult for you to ever feel safe. Safety is more than just having a roof over your head and keeping your doors locked at night; it is having a space to openly express your feelings, understanding bodily autonomy, and having your emotions validated.
Safety is essential to our overall development, with research from Thomas B. Fordham Institute indicating that we learn best when we feel safe in our environments. If you were not granted the safe space you deserved as a child, it is important to acknowledge that you are in a better place now, and you will not have to experience the same fears as an adult who can provide for yourself.
2. 'You didn't deserve what happened to you'
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"You didn't deserve what happened to you" is one of the comforting phrases to say out loud to your inner child to start feeling better. It offers people something they may never have had as children: validation, emotional justice, and compassion.
Many people who experienced emotional neglect and trauma as kids were blamed for it and were expected to move on from it as they came of age. But this may have altered their minds into believing they deserved what happened to them.
If you were one of these children, it is time to start acknowledging the truth: you did not deserve what happened to you, and you are not to blame for someone else's actions or failures that deeply hurt you. You're no longer silencing your younger self — you're listening. Healing often begins with being heard, even if you are the only one who may hear the truth at first.
3. 'I believe you'
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If you grew up feeling unheard, dismissed, or doubted, you may go into adulthood invalidating yourself. However, as an adult, you owe it to your inner child to be the person who finally listens to them.
Children are incredibly perceptive, but when they express fear, pain, confusion, or sadness and are told, "That never happened" or "I don't believe you," they start to doubt their own reality.
Saying "I believe you" to your inner child helps undo that damage by affirming that what you felt was very real, and what happened to you matters. This can help you heal and provide you with comfort since you are giving yourself the validation you never had growing up.
"Validation expresses 'I see you, you matter, I understand or try to understand you and I'm here,' all without using these words," psychologist Rocío Fernández Cosme shared. "Validation is a primary emotional need (like safety and to feel loved), and should be a right."
4. 'I'm so proud of you'
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This phrase gives voice to something that you may have longed to hear from your parents growing up. To some, it is so much more than just a compliment; it is an acknowledgement to your accomplishments and all that you have overcome.
As a child, you may have been outdoing yourself, constantly chasing approval that never came, whether it be from teachers, parents, or other adults we looked up to. However, you don't need external validation to feel pride in the things you've done.
Telling yourself, "I'm so proud of you" gives you the credit that is long overdue, and you owe it to yourself to reflect on your strength and courage, even when no one else seemed to notice it.
5. 'You're not a burden'
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Some people grew up with the belief that even their most basic needs, emotions and overall presence were "too much." They may have felt as if their sheer existence was nothing but a burden on others.
"There can be a number of basic scenarios that result in an individual being caught in a chronic state of outsiderness," clinical psychologist Ditta M. Oliker, PhD said regarding the feeling of feeling like a burden as a kid. "Regardless of the specifics of any given environment, the experiences of not belonging in childhood have enormous power to affect the quality of life of the adult."
As an adult, you may feel as if you don't belong or are a constant nuisance to everyone around you. However, it is important to acknowledge that your needs were normal, your emotions were valid, and you were not too much. And by telling yourself that you're not a burden, you're embracing one of the comforting phrases to say out loud to your inner child to start feeling better.
Reminding yourself that you are not a burden comforts your inner child by rewriting the narrative of the constant guilt you felt growing up, and gives your younger self permission to exist without feeling like a burden.
6. 'It wasn't your fault'
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This phrase speaks directly to one of the most prominently damaging false beliefs some people may carry with them into their adulthood: the belief that they were somehow to blame for the pain, neglect, or trauma they experienced.
"Young children who've experienced trauma tend to internalize much of their pain, blaming themselves for their suffering and struggling with feelings of guilt and shame," clinical psychologist Lisa Firestone, PhD revealed. "This is especially true of trauma experienced at the hands of parents and trusted family members, as young children often find it too threatening to see the faults of their parents fully."
When you grow up feeling responsible for others' pain — whether it was a parent's anger, a family's dysfunction, or your own mistreatment — you often blame yourself for everything that may go wrong in your adult relationships. Assuring yourself "it wasn't your fault," not only brings peace to your inner child, but also interrupts the vicious cycle of self-blame.
You are telling your younger self, "You were a child. You didn't cause this, and you are not responsible for fixing it."
7. 'You did the best you could'
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If you grew up in an environment where your accomplishments were constantly downplayed and you were expected to meet impossibly high expectations, the idea that you weren't good enough was likely seared into your mind. But when you start to remind yourself that you did the best you could, you acknowledge the truth of your efforts in a way that may finally silence the inner criticism and shame.
When you grow up being told that you could have handled things better, been stronger, or acted differently, you often grapple with a lingering sense of failure. Telling yourself that you did your very best given your environment and your circumstances gives your inner child the grace they always deserved.
8. 'You've come so far'
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A significant part of healing is acknowledging the place where you started, what you overcame, and where you are now. As a child, there were likely certain things you believed you'd never be able to conquer. Now, as an adult, you're able to recount that journey and give yourself credit for everything you did to get there.
"Your ability to congratulate yourself and celebrate your progress, as well as deal with missteps, mistakes, and failures, is another way to gauge how far you've come," Peg Streep, an expert on overcoming childhood trauma, shared. "Having self-compassion, especially when you screw up, is a very important marker, although it is usually slow in coming. That old default position of beating yourself up mentally and emotionally takes real time to dismantle."
However, if you're already doing the work to give yourself grace for how far you've come, your inner child is comforted in ways you likely can't even fathom.
9. 'You don't have to be perfect to be loved'
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It is humanely impossible for anyone to be perfect. However, you may have grown up in an environment where perfectionism was the only thing worthy of your parents', teachers' and other trusted adults' love, and you believed you were unworthy of it if you fell below the standard of perfect.
This phrase speaks directly to one of the deepest emotional wounds you may carry: the belief that love must be earned through perfection, performance, or being "good enough." However, your inner child needs to know that love is not something that needs to be earned, especially from your parents. You were always lovable, even in your messes, mistakes and struggles.
No child should be less deserving of love if they struggle to get good grades, express their unpleasant emotions or be considered "difficult to raise." You don't have to prove yourself to have something that should already be given.
10. 'It's okay to be sad'
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This comforting phrase to say out loud to your inner child to start feeling better gives you permission to experience something so normal that you may have never been allowed to have as children: sadness. Despite how much you may have been told to "Be grateful," "Get over it," or "Stop crying," it is important to recognize that sadness is not a flaw, it is a feeling.
If you were someone who grew up with the idea that you had to suppress your pain, trauma and grief to survive, telling your inner child that it is okay to be sad helps process old feelings that were never acknowledged. This allows you to recognize them, validate them and release them to truly begin to heal.
Acknowledging sadness can be just as detrimental for parents as it is for their kids. A study from Personality Disorders: Theory, Research, and Treatment shows that when parents stop invalidating their kids' negative emotions and talk it through them with them instead, aggressive behaviors, outbursts, and tantrums are significantly reduced, making their jobs a lot easier.
11. 'You matter'
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Even though this phrase may be short and appear simple, it is one of the most powerful reminders we can give our inner child. For people who grew up feeling unseen, unheard, or unimportant, this simple truth can feel like a lifeline.
You may have lived in an environment where your thoughts, feelings, or presence were overlooked or dismissed, making you feel as if your presence was nothing of major importance. However, telling yourself that you matter rewrites this narrative by enforcing the idea that you were never invisible, even if others made you feel that way.
This phrase can be the beginning of the start of building a more loving and supportive relationship with yourself as an adult.
Megan Quinn is a staff writer with a bachelor's degree in English and a minor in Creative Writing. She covers news and lifestyle topics that focus on justice in the workplace, personal relationships, parenting debates, and the human experience.
