11 Phrases Men Say After They Stop Caring About Being Tough & Start Being Vulnerable
When men are ready to get real, everything changes.
Peshkova / Shutterstock Most men push their feelings so far down, they lose access to them. They build walls to protect their hearts, but all that does is distance them from their own emotions. They disconnect from who they really are, until the moment they realize that they’re only living half a life.
After men stop caring about being tough and start being vulnerable, they become who they were meant to be. They reconnect with the sensitivity they’ve held all along, and their lives are fuller for doing so. They come to realize the truth: vulnerability is far from a weakness. It's a sign of immense strength.
Here are 11 phrases men say after they stop caring about being tough and start being vulnerable
1. ‘I don’t have to carry this all by myself’
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From a young age, boys learn that hiding their emotions is easier than facing them directly. They take that misguided lesson and run with it. They become men who hide their struggles, carrying the weight of all their unprocessed emotions. They think that going it alone makes them strong, but in reality, true strength comes from being vulnerable.
“I think we buy into some mythology about vulnerability being weakness and being gullibility and being frailty because it gives us permission not to do it,” researcher Brené Brown said. “For men, there’s a really kind of singular, suffocating expectation and that is do not be perceived as weak.”
After men stop caring about being tough and start being vulnerable, they give themselves permission to release their despair and lean on the people they love for support.
2. ‘I’m working on it’
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After men start being vulnerable, they begin to understand that the process of showing up for themselves is what matters most of all. Perfection is the opposite of progress. Men don’t have to be perfect. They just have to put in the work, and that’s what it really means to be tough.
According to Brené Brown, being vulnerable is what makes us brave, because “vulnerability is the core, the heart, the center, of meaningful human experience.”
“Vulnerability is courage,” she said. “It’s about the willingness to show up and be seen in our lives. And in those moments when we show up, I think those are the most powerful, meaning-making moments of our lives even if they don’t go well. I think they define who we are.”
3. ‘I need help’
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Men are taught that asking for help is a sign of weakness. They put immense pressure on themselves to handle life’s challenges all on their own. They buy into the idea that relying on outside support makes them less of a man, when really, it just means they’re human.
According to Ronald Levant, president of the American Psychological Association, men have a hard time asking for help because they don’t know how to recognize their emotions, especially the painful ones.
He came up with the term “normative male alexithymia,” which means “emotions without words,” to describe the way men experience their emotions. His theory maintains that “many men are socialized to ignore their emotional sides and therefore struggle to express or understand their feelings.”
“It is not masculine to ask for help. It is not masculine to express vulnerability. It is not masculine to not think of themselves as 100% strong,” Levant shared on the APA’s podcast, “Speaking of Psychology.”
After men stop caring about being tough and start being vulnerable, they realize that asking for help is healthier than trying to go it alone.
4. ‘I don’t want to shut down, I just don’t know what to say’
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Men who stop caring about being tough are honest with themselves about how they feel. When they acknowledge that they’re shutting down because they don’t know what to say, they reveal how strong and self-aware they are. Men show deep emotional courage when they’re able to say that they’re struggling.
“We do not harm ourselves by being vulnerable or feeling things, we do so when we try to sabotage the natural process of feeling,” psychologist Shreyasi Debnath explained. “When we hinder our natural flow of emotions, we are not being genuine to ourselves.”
“Life is beautiful solely because we are gifted with the superpower to feel,” she concluded, which is something men realize after they let themselves be vulnerable.
5. ‘I can open up, even though it’s a risk’
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After they stop caring about being tough and start being vulnerable, men learn how to speak their truth. They’re finally able to admit that they can open up, even when it feels like a big risk to take. The more men share how they feel, the more connected they become, both to themselves and the people they care about.
Emotional connection is the antidote to isolation. The moment that men let their guards down, they learn what it means to live authentically. They discover how powerful a soft life can be.
6. ‘I accept all of my emotions’
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When men embrace their innate vulnerability, they realize that resilience is built by accepting their emotions. They give themselves permission to move through their full range of feelings, no matter how painful it is. In doing so, they level up their emotional intelligence.
“People with high emotional intelligence validate their emotions,” psychologist Nick Wignall explained. “They identify and acknowledge their feelings. And then remind themselves that it’s okay to feel any kind of feeling — that it doesn’t make them bad or unsafe.”
“You have to accept all your emotions, even the bad ones, without judgment,” he revealed, because acceptance is the only way to truly heal.
7. ‘I don’t need to know all the answers’
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Men say they don’t need to know all the answers after they stop caring about being tough and start being vulnerable. They come to realize that their value isn’t based on their problem-solving abilities. They create more internal space to learn, which helps them embrace humility and sit with their feelings.
“Masculinity is often built around competency. Men want to cross items off their to-do lists, complete the project and eliminate the threat so that there is a sense of safety and well-being around us,” therapist David Klow explained.
“Providing reassurance and support ends up being a more effective expression of modern masculinity than trying to solve problems,” he concluded.
8. ‘I need some time to process this’
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If men don’t commit to being vulnerable, they struggle to communicate in an open and honest way. They turn off their feelings and turn away from people they love. If they’re faced with emotional conflict, they essentially go silent, which doesn’t serve them in the long run.
After men stop caring about being tough and get in touch with their emotional core, they say, “I need time to process this” instead of shutting down. They don’t walk away, they give themselves a moment alone to think through what they need. Pressing pause and processing their feelings gives men the power to stay present and express how they feel.
9. ‘I don’t want to repeat old patterns’
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When men say that they don’t want to repeat harmful patterns, they reveal how brave they actually are. They refuse to stay stuck in a mindset that doesn’t serve them so they stop caring about being tough and start being vulnerable.
According to psychologist Dr. Amy Johnson, people damage their relationships by repeating toxic patterns.
“Whatever the flavor of your personal patterns, you don't have to keep being a victim of them,”she explained. “End your pattern by becoming aware… Know what triggers your pattern so you can stop the cycle before it starts running without your permission.”
“Instead of falling into these traps, show up in your relationships fully aware so that your choices are conscious, not just a repetition of what comes naturally,” she advised.
10. ‘I’m proud of the man I’m becoming’
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Men who care about being vulnerable than being tough celebrate their softer side. They recognize how much they’ve changed. They’re able to say that they’re proud of the man they’re becoming, because they know that letting themselves change is an act of self-care and self-love.
Healthy, authentic change can only come after men stop caring about being tough and start being vulnerable, which is an act of courage in its own right. As Brené Brown said, “If courage is a value that we hold as important… vulnerability is the only way in and through.”
11. ‘I’m healing’
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Healing is a journey, a path that can only be traveled once men stop caring about being tough and start being vulnerable. According to spiritual coach Lillianna Galvan, trauma is part of the human experience. We can’t avoid emotional trauma, but we have the power to heal from it.
“What matters the most is how we go about healing from emotional trauma and living wholeheartedly without letting traumatic events from our past define us,” she explained. “To truly heal from emotional trauma, it’s important to face it and let yourself experience all of the emotions it brings up for you.”
“Love yourself enough to go through the healing process because you deserve happiness at the end of your path,” she concluded.
Even though it’s painful, acknowledging emotional trauma lets men reclaim a sense of psychological safety. There’s never any rush on healing, and men who let themselves be vulnerable know that it’s always worth the wait.
Alexandra Blogier, MFA, is a staff writer who covers psychology, social issues, relationships, self-help topics, and human interest stories.
