11 Signs You're More Emotionally Mature Than The People Around You
Maturity has nothing to do with age.
Josep Suria | Shutterstock Being young means making plenty of mistakes and learning from them. But as you grow up, thanks to experience you come to understand what not to do in situations. Still, just because you're over a certain age, that doesn't mean you've matured enough. Perhaps you had problems expressing yourself as a child and now, as an adult, you can't open up without breaking down.
But as you evolve, you may notice the signs you're more emotionally mature than the people around you. Owning up to your mistakes, handling criticism, enjoying time by yourself — these are all indicators that you've grown as a person, even if you don't notice it at first.
Here are 11 signs you're more emotionally mature than the people around you
1. You take responsibility for your emotional outbursts
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Not everyone has perfect self-control, and sometimes, people can get on your last nerve. From asking frustrating questions to not respecting your boundaries, people seem to actively test your reactions. But if you're responsible for your emotional outbursts, you're actually way more mature than others give you credit for.
Nobody is expecting you to always be in control. After all, everyone is human and may let their emotions get the better of them. However, if you're able to push your ego to the side and take full responsibility for your own emotions and reactions, you're more mature and self-aware than the average person.
According to marriage and family therapist Andrea Brandt, PhD, "You can move forward into a better, happier life if you keep in mind the rewards that await you if you stop letting your emotions control you and repair the past damage your emotional reactions have caused."
So, while it might not feel the greatest to acknowledge how you probably shouldn't have reacted, knowing that you can change is a much better motivator than faulting others for your own immaturity.
2. You aren't afraid to apologize
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There's no worse feeling than hurting someone you care about. Whether you accidentally disregarded your partner's feelings or insulted your co-worker, there are moments when you might not have acted like your best self. However, owning up to your mistakes and apologizing outright is one of the signs you're more emotionally mature than the people around you.
Everyone is bound to mess up from time to time. You aren't always going to make the right decisions or say the right things. But someone's ability to apologize is the difference between being evolved and being immature.
According to clinical psychologist Daniel S. Lobel, PhD, nobody truly wants to apologize and, despite popular belief, apologizing is very hard. "Admitting to another person that they are wrong, or that they erred, makes them feel flawed and damages their self-image, which is both fragile and unstable," he revealed. Yet there's a huge learning process that you can miss out on if you refuse to apologize.
If you're able to push past your pride and offer a genuine apology, you're more mature than the average person. That being said, someone's ability to apologize does take practice. Many people grew up around immature parents who didn't know how to take accountability for their actions. Thankfully, your ability to apologize is something that just about anyone can improve.
3. You set healthy boundaries
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People don't want to come off as rude. If given a choice, most people would go out of their way to ensure that they maintain a good impression, whether that means being more than willing to compromise personal boundaries if it means looking good in front of a boss or friend.
Unfortunately, this is an indicator of people-pleasing tendencies. According to a survey from YouGov, 49% of Americans are people-pleasers. On the outside, this might not seem like a huge deal. After all, what's wrong with catering to others sometimes. However, putting others first at the expense of your own needs can lead to burnout and overall exhaustion.
From physical boundaries to work boundaries, these limitations are set in place to ensure that your basic needs are being met. Without these boundaries, you can find yourself feeling burned out, disrespected, or upset that you're not being heard. So, while some people struggle with boundaries, a true sign you're emotionally mature is if you keep yours healthy and intact.
4. You don't need constant validation
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If you're going through a hard time, whether it's a breakup or changes in your life, it might feel comforting to hear a kind word or two from loved ones and even strangers. But too much validation can be a bad thing, as depending on others for your confidence never ends well.
When you're more emotionally mature than the people around you, you don't feel the need for constant validation. According to licensed psychotherapist Sherry Gaba, relying on that validation is dangerous. "If an individual puts the opinion, approval, or recognition of someone else over their own feelings, they will need that external, other person's validation on an ongoing basis," she revealed.
While seeking validation isn't abnormal, just like anything in life there's a need for balance. Thankfully, if you've grown and become more emotionally mature, you know just how important it is to validate yourself more than anyone else.
5. You can handle criticism
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Whether it's a professor, a boss, or even a romantic partner, criticism is an experience almost everyone can relate to. After spending hours working on a project or planning a romantic getaway, it can feel disheartening to be criticized. In your eyes, you might have viewed it as all your hard work going down the drain.
However, a sign you're more emotionally mature than the people around you is if you can handle criticism well. This isn't to say that criticism doesn't get to you, as being directly criticized can feel like a personal attack.
According to clinical psychologist Leon F. Seltzer, PhD, "Their judgment may be intended as constructive, aiming to contribute to our healthy development. Still, if we remain afflicted with social insecurities, we can react to their feedback as though their principal motive was to put us down — make us see ourselves as less than them, and maybe others as well."
Despite this uncomfortable feeling, there's a secret blessing to receiving criticism and that is your ability to do better. Rather than focus on the direct attack, it's much better to focus on what you can improve. Choosing to take criticism and use it in the future will improve your skills and build your immunity to feeling sorry for yourself, even if it's hard at first.
6. You don't hold grudges
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When you refuse to hold grudges and simply move on, this is one of the glaring signs you're more emotionally mature than the people around you. Of course, holding grudges isn't as black and white as people think it is. On one hand, forgiveness is a great practice that everyone should learn how to master; on the other, it's not always so easy to forgive and forget.
While forgiveness leads to a decrease in anger, anxiety and depression, and increases self-esteem and hopefulness for the future, according to a 2022 study, forgiveness doesn't come easy for those who truly were damaged. From harmful parents to toxic exes, there are many actions people choose to take to hurt someone who was supposed to be dear to them. And healing this damage can take years of therapy or professional help.
Even so, emotionally mature people find a way to forgive despite how hard it may be. This is because they view forgiveness as something for themselves, not for the other person. And when you choose to let go of that hatred and pain, you feel more free as a result of it.
7. You keep your cool under pressure
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When everything seemingly goes wrong and you have someone nagging or being disrespectful on top of that, it might be difficult to keep your cool without exploding. But when you're more emotionally mature than the people around you, staying calm in stressful situations comes easier.
Not allowing other people's biting comments to impact your happiness is the most powerful feeling in the world. Not only does it show a level of maturity and growth that many still lack, but it earns the respect and admiration of those around you.
Still, even the most emotionally mature person can be caught slipping from time to time. Like it or not, it's impossible to always remain calm and collected, which is why mature people find ways to ground themselves in the moment.
According to clinical psychologist Rubin Khoddam, PhD, things like self-talk, meditation, music, physical touch, or mental games are great for helping you ground your emotions. While this might not sound very helpful, taking a deep breath and allowing yourself a moment to collect your thoughts is often the difference between de-escalating a situation and making it worse.
8. You actively look for ways to change and grow
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Seeking out ways to become a better person and grow is one of the more obvious signs you're more emotionally mature than the people around you. Most people go through life never truly growing or changing. It's unfortunate, but they stick to the same values and never evolve into someone even better and stronger.
But mature people don't allow other people's limited mindset to slow them down, choosing instead to change and grow. And while it's not easy to change, as it requires daily hard work, mature individuals know the amount of reflection and guilt they had to go through to make it out on the other side.
According to neuropsychologist Theo Tsaousides, PhD, "After you make your choice, you have to make other changes as well." But even if that's the reality of the situation, change is always worth it in the end.
9. You can celebrate other people's successes
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On the outside, you might see a co-worker or friend celebrating their latest win and roll your eyes. Sure, they accomplished something great, but why does it matter to you? Well, you'd be shocked by the number of people who allow jealousy to cloud their judgment.
Feeling insecure and unaccomplished, people will fake happiness while holding secret resentment for others. This is probably why these same individuals are miserable and feel unfulfilled in life. After all, constantly comparing yourself to others is bound to put a damper on things.
It should go without saying that self-comparison is the thief of joy. Constantly living in another person's shadow is bound to leave anyone feeling unsure of themselves. But if you've done the inner work and truly healed and grown, this is likely something you don't struggle with. Instead of allowing yourself to feel defeated, you understand that there is no competition with others.
Everyone has their own path and you're more than secure in the success you've had, and want to spread that same joy to others experiencing triumph.
10. You let go of perfectionism
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For people with perfectionist tendencies, it might be a result of how they were raised or how society functions. Whether it's working on a project or a work assignment, many people might struggle to let go of their own high standards, never settling for anything less than "perfect," even though there's no such thing. Unfortunately, perfectionism can easily lead to burnout or anxiety. Despite this, people continue to feel the need to control everything, even if it ruins their mental health in the process.
But by letting perfectionism go, you're showing how emotionally mature you are. Instead of staying up late trying to "fix" your work report or hammering out the tiniest of details in another task, you know when enough is enough and you do your best with the time you're given. Not only does this lead to better balance in your life, but letting go of control allows your relationships to prosper.
11. You're perfectly fine being alone
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Human beings are social creatures that depend on socialization to thrive in life. People often group up or cling so close to their partner or family. Even though everyone needs a connection to feel happy, there's a huge difference between taking time to connect with others and depending on others to feel happy.
Far too many people can't be without others and strongly dislike being left alone with their own thoughts. The desperation to connect can be so strong that you might compromise your boundaries or self-worth to keep people by your side. But being fine in solitude is one of the signs you're more emotionally mature than the people around you.
It's important to spend time alone. Not only does it boost creativity, but the benefits of spending time alone include improved productivity, reduced stress, and better emotional regulation. However, if you find yourself struggling to be alone, don't be too hard on yourself. It's only natural to crave connection, and as long as you work on it, you'll find better ways to find balance.
Marielisa Reyes is a writer with a bachelor's degree in psychology who covers self-help, relationships, career, family, and astrology topics.
