11 Things Millennials Think Are Unfair That Are Just Part Of Normal Life
Life isn't always fair, no matter what generation you belong to.
Leszek Glasner | Shutterstock As millennials come to accept their fast-approaching middle-aged existence, they're learning the value of letting go. They recognize the patterns that no longer serve them. They're doing everything in their power to release their old ways of thinking, so they can make space for a new way of seeing the world.
It hasn't been a simple or straight-forward journey, but millennials understand that healing is never linear. The things millennials think are unfair that are just part of normal life might never change, but millennials are learning that practicing acceptance is the way to find peace.
Here are 11 things millennials think are unfair that are just part of normal life
1. Not always having the option to follow your dreams
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Millennials were raised with the idealistic yet misguided belief that following their dreams would lead them to a fulfilling, lucrative life. Over time, they learned a harsh yet essential truth: Holding onto their dreams and hoping for the best requires a certain level of privilege that most people don't have.
According to Erin Cech, a sociology professor and author of the book "The Trouble with Passion," following your passion doesn't work out equally for everyone.
"Passion-seeking is a goal for most workers... but there are wide discrepancies in who is ultimately able to parlay their passion into stable, well-paid jobs," she explained. "The passion principle was almost tailor-made for wealthy and upper-middle-class young adults."
She pointed out that wealth provides people access to "springboards and safety nets, the freedom to 'wait it out' until a job in their passion comes along [and] they have access to parents' social networks to help them find jobs."
It's a hard lesson, but for most millennials, following their passion hasn't helped them build a sustainable life.
2. Success that doesn't 'just happen'
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Millennials came of age just as iPhones and internet culture rose to the forefront of our collective consciousness. The more chronically online millennials became, the more they bought into the belief that success was something that could just happen to them, without any extended effort on their part.
Millennials put their faith into instant gratification, only to lose sight of what success really means. In reality, success is a long game. It's something you have to work for and, even then, hard work won't always translate into the traditional definition of success. As much as millennials think it's unfair, it's just part of normal life.
3. Friendships not lasting
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Millennials think it's unfair that friendships fade over time, but it's just part of normal life. They spent high school and college surrounded by their friends, and they held onto the expectation that they would always be close. But then, they got older, and figured out that not all friendships are made to last.
Millennials walked the same path as every adult before them. They got jobs and moved around the country. Some of them got married and had kids and some didn't, but they all found themselves pulled in different directions.
Even the most tight-knit girl gang is bound to shift over time, and that's totally okay. According to psychology and neuroscience professor Dr. Julianne Holt-Lunstad, friendship is a muscle. Putting in consistent effort to stay connected is what keeps friendships strong.
"You can't maintain fitness by just exercising once. It requires regular practice, and investing in your relationships also takes time," she explained. Friendships fade and people drift apart, and it's just part of normal life. Outgrowing a relationship doesn't make it lose meaning, it just means your lives are no longer running parallel to each other.
4. 'Doing everything right' and not getting ahead
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Millennials are master over-achievers. As kids, they learned to measure their worth by how productive they were, and they held onto that belief for way too long. Millennials went hard on hustle culture, only to discover that doing all the right things didn't guarantee them success or stability.
It's unfair, but life doesn't always turn out the way you want it to. You can do everything you're supposed to do and still struggle, and millennials are living proof. They went to college and climbed the corporate ladder, but it didn't give them the life they expected.
Shedding that toxic mindset hasn't been easy, but millennials are learning to untangle their identity from the hours they put into their jobs. They're redefining what success means to them and finding their own way in the world.
5. Needing more than love for a relationship to work
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Millennials have learned the hard way relationships can't live on love alone. Making a partnership work takes consistent commitment. It's unfair, but being in love isn't enough. To get through tough times, couples need to truly listen to each other and show up in the fullest way possible.
According to psychologist Dr. John Gottman, being emotionally attuned to one another is the only way for couples to create a relationship that has real staying power. He defined attunement as "the desire and the ability to understand and respect your partner's inner world."
"Love and romance and trust are conscious decisions to cherish what is wonderful about your partner and nurture gratefulness for what you have," Dr. Gottman explained. Ultimately, love is an action word. If you don't put in the work, it won't work out.
6. Doing the bare minimum without winning any praise
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For all the leaning in millennials did as young adults, the only thing they got in return was chronic burnout. Now, they're reassessing how they relate to their jobs. They're taking a step back and relinquishing their girl boss crowns.
Millennials are letting "good enough" be enough, but they think it's unfair that doing the bare minimum doesn't win them any extra praise. As a generation raised on participation trophies, millennials want to be recognized, even though they're not going above and beyond. Settling isn't always a bad thing, but millennials have to accept that there's no celebration for doing so.
7. Being in control of work-life balance
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Millennials have high standards, especially when it comes to the workplace. They want work-life balance to be built into their schedules. Once they're faced with reality, they complain about how unfair it is, but it's just part of normal life. The sooner that millennials realize that they have control over their own work-life balance, they'll be much happier.
Checking in with your work-life balance on a consistent basis can help you see what's working and what isn't. As experts from the Mental Health Foundation pointed out, "Pausing and thinking about your priorities can help you discover whether the way you're living and working is right for you.
"Pay attention to how you feel," they advised. "Being aware of your feelings can help you decide which changes you want to make." Once you figure out how you feel, "prioritize what's most valuable to you at this moment."
When you're on the clock, work-life balance means taking breaks — actual breaks, where you step away from your desk and do something to nourish yourself, even for just five minutes and even if you're busy. When work is over, balance means being present and giving yourself permission to relax and reset.
8. Self-awareness not always feeling great
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Self-improvement is a ride or die experience for millennials, but they think it's unfair that self-awareness doesn't always feel good, even though it's just part of normal life.
According to clinical psychologist Dr. Jacqueline Baulch, sitting with discomfort is part of the process to become self-aware. "You'll discover new things about yourself when you step back and reflect," she explained. "Some things you will like and some you won't."
"Living alongside our strengths, achievements and lighter side are our fears, inadequacies, regrets, failures and flaws," she added. "As you practice self-awareness, you're likely to tap into the more challenging, embarrassing, confusing and overwhelming parts of who you are."
Dr. Baulch also advised to "counter this with self-care and self-compassion, as "self-awareness is a lifelong practice and not something to be rushed."
9. Being unable to force someone to change
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You can't force anyone to change unless they actually want to change, which is something millennials think is entirely unfair. As hard as it is for them to accept this fact of life, it will save them a lot of hurt and heartache.
As experts from Integrative Psychotherapy pointed out, "Nobody can force anyone into any sort of meaningful change without buy-in." You can't do someone else's work for them, and sometimes, walking away is the best way to protect yourself. Being an adult means accepting this fact as part of normal life, even though it's unfair.
10. Parents who won't apologize, even when they're wrong
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A genuine apology takes humility and grace, yet people aren't always able to offer themselves up to others in that particular way. The dynamic that parents share with their adult children can complicate the act of saying sorry. Parents won't always apologize for their mistakes. Even though millennials think that lack of accountability is unfair, it's just part of normal life.
According to psychologist Janet Sasson Edgette, parents often struggle with the overall concept of apologizing to their kids. She explained that "People generally equate apologizing with having lost something — their pride maybe, or the contest about who was right and who was wrong."
"If you can exit that framework... and think of apologizing as a gift you give someone, something of yourself that will make them feel better, without taking anything away from you... it becomes something else entirely, something that actually feels good to do," she shared.
11. Therapy not fixing everything
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Therapy isn't an instant solution for healing, even though millennials wish it were. Going to therapy is the first step in a much larger process. Seeing a therapist every week is only an entry point, and you have to actually put in the work to experience any tangible change.
At its core, therapy offers a container to explore your inner world and gain perspective on the patterns you fall into. As experts from Integrative Psychotherapy pointed out, "Therapy isn't magic, though it can help you make some really amazing shifts, reprogram your brain and allow magical moments to unfold in your life."
"Therapy can't fix all your problems and change the essence of who you are," they explained. "Therapy can't take you back in time and change what happened in the past. It can't make you forget. It can't bring you back to a time that you needed someone who wasn't there for you as a child."
Therapy can't solve everything, and as unfair as that seems, it's just part of normal life. What therapy can do is give you the tools you need to elevate your self-awareness and create meaningful change in your life.
Alexandra Blogier, MFA, is a staff writer who covers psychology, social issues, relationships, self-help topics, and human interest stories.
