5 Surprisingly Crucial Money Talks To Have Before Things Get Serious, According To Financial Strategist

Amid the ongoing cost-of-living crisis, many are reassessing how money influences their relationships. According to a recent LendingTree report, 23% of Americans have broken up over financial incompatibility, with another 34% saying they would consider doing the same. And people are desperate to dodge the same fate. Google searches for “financial red flags” are up 247%. 

Here are the surprisingly crucial money talks to have before things get serious with him:

1. Can we balance our priorities?

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According to a Gamblizard survey, 28% of women and 17% of men admit they’re secretly embarrassed by their partner’s financial situation. While it might seem like the issue is differing incomes, the real problem often lies in how you both choose to spend that money. 

For example, if eating out is a priority for you no matter what, but your partner prefers meal prepping to save cash, that could lead to tension. On the flip side, if both of you are comfortable eating separately, there's no problem here.

Discuss spending habits early on. Ask not just what they’re always willing to spend on, but also what they never will. For example, if you love to travel but they see it as a waste of money, can you travel solo? The goal isn’t to be identical, but to understand if you can handle each other’s priorities.

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2. Who influences our financial decisions?

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We all come from different backgrounds, and those backgrounds can have a big impact on your shared financial future. Parents, siblings, or even friends may play a role, especially if you have financial obligations or they depend on you. 

Does your partner send money to their family every month? Are they expected to help out in a friend’s financial emergency? Or are they financially dependent on their parents, who may have a say in important decisions?

Be open and honest about this. The conversation can start with discussing your family dynamics and how money was traditionally handled in your households. 

Talk about boundaries each of you have. For example, how much financial support is okay before it starts affecting your own well-being?

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3. What money-related fears do we have?

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We all see money through a different lens. For some, it represents comfort and indulgence, while for others, it’s about security, freedom, or power. These views reveal not just how we view wealth, but how we respond to financial stress and uncertainty. Share your biggest financial fears to align your approaches to saving, spending, and managing risks together.

For instance, if your greatest fear is losing everything, which leads you to become overly cautious and controlling with money, while your partner is determined not to live like their parents, constantly counting every dollar, those differences can present both opportunities and challenges. 

On one hand, they can help you both expand your understanding of money; on the other, they may lead to tension around spending and saving, especially if the gap between your views is too wide. The key lies in recognizing each other’s financial fears without judgment and striving to find common ground.

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4. What’s our love language when it comes to money?

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Love is priceless and can be shown in many ways, but money makes it tangible. And you’ve got to be on the same page about it. Some people express love with expensive gifts or splurging on special occasions, while others prefer budgeting together for shared goals or value financial security, appreciating their partner for paying bills.

Tension can arise when one partner dreams of a spontaneous trip for their birthday, only to receive a practical gift like a kitchen appliance. It’s not a dealbreaker, but it’s important to have an open conversation instead of guessing. Let each other know what matters to you and what makes you feel loved. It can strengthen your connection and help avoid unnecessary conflicts in the future.

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5. Are we heading in the same financial direction?

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Money isn't just about the things you can afford, but about the life you want to build. Your goals don’t have to match entirely, but they should work in harmony.

Take time to explore each other’s financial vision. Are they focused on climbing the career ladder, running their own business, saving for early retirement, or perhaps pursuing a simpler life that prioritizes time with family? 

Do they see themselves as the primary breadwinner, or do they dream of owning a home? What are their big aspirations: traveling the world, starting a farm, or something else? While life is always evolving and plans can change, it's important to see if your current ideas align.

Money talks aren’t always easy, but they can reveal a lot about your future together. By addressing these questions before things get serious, you’ll have the chance to align your financial priorities, habits, and goals. It’s not about having the same answers, but about listening to each other and identifying any major misunderstandings early on.

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Jamie Wall is a personal finance strategist at Gamblizard and a contributor to YourTango. He's had articles featured in GoBankingRates, Daily Mail, Forbes, Fast Company, and Parents among others.