11 Reasons People Who Stay Quiet In Group Chats Usually Have The Highest Emotional Intelligence
The trick is in choosing your battles (or in this case, your words) carefully.
ViDI Studio | Shutterstock Sometimes, we get caught up in our daily chaos and forget to respond to a few text messages, but we all have that one friend or family member who’s consistently non-responsive online and in group chats. While a consistent avoidance of 1:1 text messages can encourage individuals to feel unimportant and unheard, there are some psychological benefits for a person who “window-reads” texts in a group chat with multiple people.
While there are many reasons people who stay quiet in group chats usually have the highest emotional intelligence, that doesn’t excuse your friend from ignoring messages or lazily avoiding making plans in your friend group text. There are certainly exceptions to the rule. However, for the truly emotionally intelligent texters, it's also incredibly helpful for any friend group to have a silent member in group chats — helping to guide the natural flow of conversation, support others when appropriate, and advocate for themselves without sparking tension.
Here are 11 reasons people who stay quiet in group chats usually have the highest emotional intelligence:
1. They grasp conversation dynamics others miss
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One of the reasons people who stay quiet in group chats usually have the highest emotional intelligence is their ability to understand the flow of conversation. They’re not only intuitive to energy shifts from their peers online, they know when to add to conversations, letting tensions cool before providing feedback, giving people the space to craft messages before responding, and reaffirming people who may be struggling to vocalize their opinions.
They know what to say and when to say it — rather than simply expressing every passing and fleeting thought, which can overwhelm and sometimes annoy everyone.
2. They prioritize listening over speaking
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Thinking before they speak isn’t the only reason people who stay quiet in group chats tend to be more emotionally intelligent. They also listen and observe more than they talk. Even if it’s online, they take the time to truly understand other people’s perspectives, thoughts, and opinions before they weigh in.
While it can be dismissive and occasionally reductive in a group chat to feel like you’re talking to someone who’s not responding, you assume they’re not listening or reading at all — emotionally intelligent people still contribute to these conversations, just not at the same anxious pace as others.
3. They choose words thoughtfully
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By staying quiet and only adding to conversations when they have something thoughtful to say, emotionally intelligent people can craft better responses — even in a casual group chat with friends.
They have the space to be more intentional with their word choice, language, and phrasing, because they don’t feel anxious about getting their word in before the next person sends a text. Considering people expect their conversational additions to be thoughtful, they tend to become pillars of emotional intelligence for everyone involved — leading with empathy, providing feedback, and mediating conflict in ways their peers are more receptive to.
4. They resist peer pressure
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One of the underrated reasons people who stay quiet in group chats usually have the highest emotional intelligence is their emotional resilience. They aren’t easily swayed by peer pressure from friends or collective ideas that others are feeding into—they form their own opinions and occasionally decide not to engage in conversations that seem unproductive or toxic.
Think about the last time your group chat turned negative—friends talking poorly about their partners or gossiping about another person. Did you feel pressured to engage? Many people feel a sense of belonging when they gossip, but it can quickly be taken to an extreme that sabotages everyone’s well-being.
Emotionally intelligent people may decide to remain quiet during these conversations, protecting their mental energy and emotional well-being by not responding to or feeding into negativity.
5. They sense subtle energy shifts
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Experts from Lesley University argue that incredibly empathetic people, especially those who’ve also honed their emotional intelligence, tend to be intuitive to energy shifts in conversations—whether they’re in-person or online. People who are typically quiet in group chats, watching the frequency of texts coming in and shifts in language, are more likely to notice when things change or go awry.
Considering they’re more intuitive of these shifts, they’re also at an advantage for pointing them out and mediating any misunderstandings that could erupt from those who don’t.
6. They decode underlying subtext
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In our ultra-digital age, it’s not uncommon for people to experience frequent misunderstandings over text or on social media. Most of our communication stems from body language and nonverbal cues that are nearly impossible to pick up on when talking over the phone or sending text messages to our friends — we’re all just one “K” text away from an argument.
However, people who stay quiet in the group chat and read more of the conversation without brainstorming their contribution tend to pick up on the subtext that others may miss. They understand and clock the energy shifts over text, even if subtle, giving them a better chance at mediating conflict or knowing what to say to soothe frustration or irritability over the phone.
They’re not simply reading the messages people send; they’re also conscious of the frequency, timing, and shifts in people’s language that could indicate their true emotions and feelings — things that would otherwise be obvious in a face-to-face conversation.
7. They see every message
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In the heat of a group argument or discussion planning an event, it can be easy to miss people’s input and messages — especially if you’re more worried about getting your piece in than listening to everyone else.
However, people who usually stay quiet in group chats are less likely to miss messages — just because they’re not responding in the moment doesn't mean they’re not reading or listening.
According to psychology expert Marianna Pogosyan, the ability to listen and read messages intentionally is one reason why these people are often “high-quality listeners” who harbor better social connections, comprehend more of what others say, and learn to a higher degree than their group chat participants.
8. They reflect before responding
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There’s power in thinking before you speak and pausing before you act, according to experts from the Crisis Prevention Institute. Of course, emotionally regulating themselves amid chaos, stress, and anxiety is something emotionally intelligent people do well, which is why people who are quiet in group chats — thinking and digesting other people’s opinions before providing their own — tend to be better listeners and more emotionally intuitive in conversations.
Ignoring messages and choosing not to contribute to conversations in a group chat can be dismissive and invalidating, especially if it’s a consistent trend. However, emotionally intelligent people are thoughtful about how they respond. They either communicate their lack of presence in these group chats and set boundaries with their friends about their time on their phones, or they thoughtfully engage, reacting to messages, reading them fully, and adding their thoughts when it makes sense.
Everyone deserves a friend like this in any group chat — one who sits back, guides the conversation, and occasionally provides thoughtful, intuitive responses.
9. They communicate with purpose
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The word “strategic,” especially in the context of communication and relationships, tends to get a bad rap. We think about emotional manipulators strategically using phrases to guilt-trip us, or narcissistic family members being intentional about their emotional blackmail. Still, strategic communication isn’t always an inherently bad thing.
For example, one reason people who stay quiet in group chats usually have the highest emotional intelligence is their ability to communicate strategically. They know how to communicate with others healthily, adding their opinions, giving feedback, and mediating conflict in intentional and “strategic” ways.
People with high emotional intelligence also have a strong sense of empathy, which gives them the tools to help other people feel heard, understood, and valued through intentional communication (or a lack thereof, in a bustling conversation in a group chat).
10. They embrace quiet solitude
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According to social psychologist Bella DePaulo, the ability to form thoughtful connections with other people isn’t the only hallmark of emotional intelligence—being comfortable with solitude and prioritizing alone time are equally important.
This appreciation for solitude is one of the reasons people who stay quiet in group chats usually have the highest emotional intelligence — they appreciate thinking through their answers and enjoying alone time without grappling with anxiety about responding or staying up-to-date with all the niche happenings in their friend group.
It’s also important to remember that friends who truly appreciate you and value your well-being will never make you feel guilty for taking space for yourself, as long as you communicate that need, even if it means you don’t always respond right away in the group chat.
11. They know their limits
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One reason people who stay quiet in group chats usually have the highest emotional intelligence is that they’re deeply self-aware. They can acknowledge when they don’t have the expertise to add to a conversation or the energy, space, or ability to connect or support someone on a specific topic emotionally.
Rather than being distracted from the people who passionately and thoughtfully contribute to the conversation — even entirely online — they sit back, read everyone’s thoughts, and wait for the appropriate time to jump in.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a staff writer with a bachelor’s degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
