11 Phrases That Deeply Offend Narcissistic People But Don't Bother Normal Thinkers At All
Even narcissists aren't immune from upset.
Krakenimages.com | Shutterstock From the outside, narcissists can appear charming and magnetic, but they're often hiding darker tendencies that only reveal themselves after you're involved with them. There are subtle ways to know if you're dealing with someone who falls along the narcissistic spectrum, especially when it comes to conflict resolution.
Psychologically healthy people understand that disagreements are a normal part of being in a relationship, but narcissists interpret any kind of conflict as a threat to their egos. There are several phrases that deeply offend narcissistic people that don't bother normal thinkers at all, and their overly emotional reactions reveal how insecure they really are.
Here are 11 phrases that deeply offend narcissistic people but don't bother normal thinkers at all
1. 'I see things differently'
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In a stable relationship, couples are free to express differences of opinion without feeling attacked, but narcissistic people can't handle being challenged in that way. Telling a narcissistic person that you see things differently will trigger all of the rage they keep hidden right below the surface.
As much as saying "I see things differently" is necessary, it's one of the phrases that deeply offend narcissistic people but don't bother normal thinkers at all. According to psychologist Dr. Susan Heitler, "You are especially likely to trigger a narcissistic person's dismissiveness if your comment differs from the narcissist's viewpoint."
Dr. Heitler shared that a narcissistic person's explosive response to that phrase is indicative of "the most telling but overlooked sign" of narcissism: habitual non-listening. "The narcissist knows best, so why bother listening to what others have to say," she explained. "Narcissists brush aside, negate, or deprecate what others say instead of truly listening."
Challenging a narcissistic person's perspective undermines their view of themselves as always being right.
2. 'You're not the center of the universe'
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Narcissistic people thrive on admiration and external validation, which is why telling them that they're not the center of the universe offends them so much. They appear self-assured to the outside world, but the truth is, they're projecting false confidence, designed to keep their true insecurities hidden.
Therapist Dan Neuharth explained that "narcissists lack something vital to being a psychologically healthy human: a fully formed self."
"Deep in their core, in ways most narcissists are not fully aware of and would never talk about, they feel flawed and empty," he revealed. "To avoid feeling powerless or out of control, they act invincible. To avoid feeling self-doubt, they must be certain about nearly everything. To avoid feeling flawed, they believe they are perfect and special."
Pointing out that a narcissistic person isn't that important calls their entire sense of self into question, which is something they can't actually handle.
3. 'You're not always right'
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The phrase "You're not always right" doesn't bother normal thinkers at all, but it deeply offends narcissistic people. In their minds, they are always right, and they refuse to accept any alternative viewpoints.
The inability to accept feedback is a tell-tale sign of a narcissistic person. As certified life coach Meredith Deasley revealed, "They are hypersensitive to feeling slighted or mistreated in any way. They feel insulted and criticized even when no insult or criticism was intended and are always on the defensive."
"Their inflated self-image is threatened by any perceived criticism, leading to behaviors like anger, devaluation, or victim-playing," she explained. While a normal thinker understands that everyone has their own interpretation of how the world works, narcissistic people are incapable of integrating that information.
4. 'That's not how it happened'
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Pushing back against a narcissistic person deeply offends them, which is why saying "That's not how it happened" makes them so angry. They care more about being right than being truthful. They invent their own facts, and "they will lie and give the impression that simply because they say it, that makes it a reality," neuropsychologist Rhonda Freeman explained.
"Many will become angered if their lies are challenged with truth or facts," she continued. "This can create problems for the people close to them, as this pattern of behavior can easily veer into gaslighting."
Being gaslit by a narcissistic person is an incredibly destabilizing experience, one that leads people to question their memory and sense of reality. Gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse, and a clear indication that you're dealing with a narcissistic person.
5. 'You can't talk to me like that'
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Setting limits with a narcissistic person rarely works, because they refuse to respect anyone else's boundaries. Of the phrases that deeply offend narcissistic people but don't bother normal thinkers at all, "You can't talk to me like that" challenges them and angers them. It holds them accountable, which is something they can't actually handle.
Even though narcissistic people aren't capable of accepting boundaries, it's still important to set boundaries, for your own sense of self-worth.
As licensed clinical mental health counselor Miki Anderson revealed, "boundaries are your responsibility, not others'. When setting boundaries, you communicate what you are and are not comfortable with, as a way of developing and maintaining healthy relationships with others."
6. 'You're twisting my words'
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Narcissistic people can't deal with being challenged by anyone, which means that using the phrase "You're twisting my words" will deeply offend them. Still, standing up for yourself is valid and valuable, and telling them that they're wrong can help you take back your own power, even if they don't accept your reality.
Telling a narcissistic person that they're twisting your words is a way to take action and confront their manipulative behavior. They might not admit to it, but you know the truth, and establishing your own emotional limits is always the right thing to do.
7. 'I don't need your approval'
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Using the phrase "I don't need your approval" challenges the way narcissistic people see themselves. In their minds, you do need their approval, because they think they're more important than everyone else. Narcissistic people will do everything they can to control you, and they can't stand it when you try to take that control away from them.
Dr. Ramani Durvasula, a licensed clinical psychologist, explained that "narcissism is characterized by an inflated sense of self-importance, excessive need for admiration, and often a lack of empathy for others... They often react defensively and may become agitated, argumentative, or even hostile when their self-image is challenged."
Using the phrase contradicts what narcissistic people want, and it reinforces the emotional independence you have every right to establish.
8. 'I wasn't thinking about you'
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Saying "I wasn't thinking about you" is one of the many phrases that deeply offend narcissistic people but don't bother normal thinkers at all. This phrase pushes against their self-perceived importance. Their perception of themselves centers around a sense of superiority, so telling them that you weren't considering them deflates their inflated self-image.
All relationships take work, but being in a relationship with someone who's narcissistic involves an intense amount of emotional labor. Protecting your inner peace is one of the most important things you can do, and standing up for yourself is one way to implement that.
9. 'My feelings are valid'
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Narcissistic people will do everything they can to devalue your experience. They want to invalidate you to keep you under their control. Part of that process involves making you think that your feelings aren't acceptable, but the truth is, your feelings are always okay, even when they're hard.
Declaring that your feelings are valid is a healthy way to navigate being in a relationship with narcissistic people. Even if they refuse to validate you, you can validate yourself. Using this phrase is a powerful way to own your own emotional experience, which keeps you true to yourself.
10. 'I'm not comfortable with that'
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Pushing boundaries is something narcissistic people excel at, and they're deeply offended by hearing the phrase "I'm not comfortable with that." Setting boundaries is never an easy process, and they can be especially hard to maintain when you're involved with narcissistic people.
According to developmental psychologist Deborah L. Davis, PhD, setting clear limits is a self-preservation tactic for dealing with narcissistic people, as it "enables you to pay attention and assert yourself compassionately."
"Compassionate assertiveness means that you stand up for yourself firmly but also kindly rather than by attacking, manipulating, criticizing, or blaming," Davis explained. Even though narcissistic people probably won't recognize or respect your assertiveness, it's still important to express it.
11. 'No'
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Saying "no" might trigger a narcissistic person's inner rage, but it's an essential aspect of establishing self-respect. Narcissistic people can't accept when their demands are denied, and knowing that "no" is a complete sentence can be an act of self-preservation.
Dr. Durvasula shared that staying in a relationship with a narcissist requires people to practice radical acceptance and acknowledge that "this is never going to change. This is who they are. This is it."
She described an approach she calls "The Deep Technique," explaining, "If you're dealing with a narcissist, don't defend, don't engage, don't explain, don't personalize... Narcissists don't like that."
Taking care of yourself first is more important than anything else, and saying no is one way to do that.
Alexandra Blogier, MFA, is a staff writer who covers psychology, social issues, relationships, self-help topics, and human interest stories.