11 Phrases Our Parents Used That Would Never Fly With Today's Kids
Modern parenting shifts have revolutionized the language used in many households.
Odua Images | Shutterstock Parenting styles and deliberate parenting choices tend to naturally vary across cultures, families, and age demographics, according to a 2022 study. But alongside digital accessibility to experience, new information, and the link between childhood experiences and adult struggles, it's not surprising that many people have condemned the old-school parenting styles and phrases that plagued their own upbringings.
In fact, there are many phrases our parents used that would never fly with today's kids, who are largely plugged into discussions of emotional intelligence, the digital landscape, and therapy terms that unpack and unravel this traditionalist language. Of course, it's not that kids today are simply more emotionally aware — there's still a great need to teach emotional intelligence and self-awareness in young generations.
Here are 11 phrases our parents used that would never fly with today's kids
1. 'You're right, I'm such a horrible parent'
fizkes | Shutterstock
Considering many kids today, especially those plugged into online discussions on things like manipulation and toxic relationships, are more sensitive to old-school phrases intended to blame-shift and provide parents with unruly superiority, it's not surprising that this is one of the phrases our parents used that would never fly with today's kids, as they're no longer acceptable amongst modern parenting shifts.
Considering the emotional manipulation many children face at the hands of their parents manifests as guilt-tripping, blame-shifting, or avoiding accountability, this phrase is no longer an innocent threat. Instead, it's riddled with toxic assumptions and inadvertently harms kids by encouraging them to not express their emotions or voice their needs at home.
2. 'You have it easier than I did as a kid'
Motortion Films | Shutterstock
According to a 2023 Gallup survey, kids and teenagers today are experiencing worsened mental health as a result of their increased social media usage, largely because they're subjected to comparison culture, navigating unrealistic standards and "choice and decision overload." Sadly, many of the phrases our parents used that would never fly with today's kids latch onto the consequences of comparison culture.
Despite growing up in an incredibly different time, parents use a phrase like this to condemn their kids to comparison, trying to spark feelings of guilt or shame in their kids for complaining about their struggles or voicing their needs.
Sometimes, showing up as a truly healthy and supportive parent means acknowledging your kids' complex emotions and struggles, being there to support them, even if you were forced to navigate situations you perceive to be "harder" or more challenging growing up.
3. 'If you loved me, you'd do this'
fizkes | Shutterstock
Many modern parenting styles today adopt a less hierarchical approach to caregiving at home, instead leveling the playing field with their kids to make space for their emotions and support their struggles.
Phrases like this do quite the opposite, weaponizing a parent's perceived superiority or relationship with their kids to guilt them into following their demands or getting what they want.
According to clinical psychologist Daniel S. Lobel PhD, children exposed to this kind of parental gaslighting, no matter how disguised it is in phrases like this one, often battle many psychological consequences — from grappling with depressive symptoms, to living in a constant state of anxiety, and ignoring their own emotional needs to appease their parents' comfort.
4. 'Because I said so'
pikselstock | Shutterstock
According to a study from the journal Acta Psychologica, parents who have experienced their own adverse childhood experiences and trauma tend to repeat the cycle with their own kids, using phrases and language like this to cope with their own emotional turmoil and struggles with power dynamics.
"Because I said so" is one of the phrases our parents used that would never fly with today's kids. It's no longer a powerful phrase for parents to get what they want, especially in the face of modern kids who are encouraged to debate and dive deeper into hierarchical parenting structures as a result of accessibility online — at least for teenagers and young adults who seek out these conversations.
5. 'Stop being so dramatic'
DimaBerlin | Shutterstock
Experts like psychologist Hal Shorey, PhD argue that phrases like "you're so dramatic" or "stop being so sensitive" are inherently dismissive. They encourage people, especially young kids, to suppress their emotions and keep their needs to themselves.
Healthy parents show up to support their kids, listen to them, and teach them emotional intelligence by working with them to set boundaries and express their needs, but phrases like this do the opposite.
Unsurprisingly, the resentment that sparks as a result of these communication styles often contributes to tension in parent-child relationships into adulthood, according to a study from the Journal of Abnormal Psychology.
6. 'I'll give you something to cry about'
Ekateryna Zubal | Shutterstock
Phrases like this one or "it hurts me more than it hurts you" often gave traditionalist parents an excuse to avoid vulnerability with their kids, condemning them for expressing their opinions or needs, especially in the face of their own shortcomings and insecurities.
Rather than taking the time to sit with their kids and make space for their uncomfortable feelings, this phrase is a defense mechanism for them to avoid taking accountability for their mistakes and having to spend time, energy, and effort acknowledging their emotions.
7. 'Get over it, life goes on'
fizkes | Shutterstock
While it might seem like an obvious realization for kids plugged into mental health conversations online today, recognizing that trauma and intensely uncomfortable emotions don't simply go away without recognition is largely a modern idea.
This old-school parenting phrase encourages kids to ignore their discomfort and suppress their emotions for their parents' comfort and convenience, despite research that suggests this behavior only exacerbates mental health concerns and emotional turmoil.
When parents try to push their kids' emotional needs away or ignore supporting them in times of distress, they only feed into a toxic cycle of resentment. Their kids suppress their emotions, feel ashamed and guilty for having inevitable outbursts, and adopt a misguided belief that their emotions and needs are a burden they should ignore to appease others.
8. 'Don't come home until the streetlights come on'
spass | Shutterstock
In the face of information accessibility online and horror stories on social media, many parenting shifts today are centered around overprotective guidelines, where parents are trying to endlessly protect their kids from safety concerns and harm.
From cutting out sleepovers to only allowing supervised play, it's no surprise that phrases like this aren't common in modern day households. Kids are not only at home, but encouraged to stay there.
Despite research, like a study from University College London, that encourages parents to let their kids engage in unsupervised play — naming emotional and physical benefits to navigating community and social interactions without their parents as evidence — overprotective parenting shifts have made this one of the phrases your parents used that would never fly with today's kids.
9. 'You can be whatever you want to be'
DimaBerlin | Shutterstock
While traditional life paths and the mentality that "you can be whatever you want to be" might have motivated older generations to craft successful adult lives, many young kids and adults today are struggling to prioritize their childhood aspirations.
Amid growing economic uncertainty and specific generational barriers like the impact of social media and technology, this has quickly become one of the phrases our parents used that would never fly with today's kids.
Encouraging kids to build goals, craft future aspirations, and learn resilience and ambition is of course still a priority for the healthiest parents today. But the reality is that making money, building a secure foundation for success, and realizing the comfort many younger generations are yearning for isn't always aligned with personal passions and childhood goals.
10. 'You brought this on yourself'
Prostock-studio | Shutterstock
According to psychologist Lynn Margolies, PhD, parents who rely on guilt-tripping to get what they want are essentially emotionally blackmailing their children. By suggesting they're at fault for sparking conflict or discomfort simply by expressing their opinions or even making a mistake, all a phrase like this does is encourage children to live in anxiety of perceived failure.
Many of the phrases our parents used that would never fly with today's kids are subtly manipulative, even if they were used with the best of intentions.
By being more intentional about language and thoughtful about encouraging kids towards emotional intelligence, parents today can ensure they're set up for success in adulthood, equipped with the self-awareness and skills like setting boundaries that help them build healthier relationships.
11. 'Wait until your father gets home'
hedgehog94 | Shutterstock
According to a study from Children and Youth Services Review, weaponizing threats of physical altercations with phrases like this has the power to exacerbate aggressive behaviors in young children, in ways that can sabotage their emotional intelligence, self-regulation, and relationship building skills later in life.
Especially in the context of today's parenting world, where disciplinary behaviors like "spanking" are actively declining, it's not surprising that phrases like this are also less prevalent in many households.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a staff writer with a bachelor's degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.