11 Subtle Behaviors That Are Only Offensive To Manipulative People
Someone who's truly in your corner won't benefit from your struggles.
Mangostar | Shutterstock Emotional manipulators tend to benefit from having a sense of emotional intelligence without the added social and internal burdens of compassion or empathy. According to a study from the SAGE Open journal, their emotional intelligence has a “dark side” — giving them the ability to weaponize and control other people’s emotions, weaknesses, and insecurities for their own gain.
When their victims fight back, it can be subtle — building confidence in ways that combat their gaslighting, cultivating internal security that opposes their hidden insecurities, and growing self-aware enough to recognize when their behaviors are toxic and manipulative. In some cases, setting boundaries and acknowledging a person’s toxicity genuinely starts with self-awareness, recognizing the subtle behaviors that are only offensive to manipulative people who benefit from your hurt, uncertainty, and struggle.
Here are 11 subtle behaviors that are only offensive to manipulative people
1. Communicating and setting boundaries
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Considering manipulators tend to be most effective in taking advantage of people without boundaries, it’s not surprising that setting and maintaining boundaries is also one of the subtle behaviors that are only offensive to manipulative people.
According to empowerment coach Gbenga Adebambo, the people who are most upset with you advocating for yourself and setting boundaries are the same people who benefit from you not having them. To seek the control they’re yearning for over your emotions and well-being, they need to overstep your boundaries — whether they’re communicated or not — so learning to maintain them, even in the face of conflict or discomfort, can be the perfect way to protect yourself from manipulators.
2. Positive self-talk
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Considering manipulators and narcissists tend to thrive in relationships with insecure people they can easily take advantage of, any behavior that assists their victim in building confidence, a secure identity, or self-awareness can actively make it harder for them to get what they want.
According to a study published in the Scientific Reports journal, positive self-talk and affirmations can be powerful for boosting confidence and assisting with cognitive growth — helping memory, decision-making, motivation, and attention.
Of course, any action that brings newfound confidence and personal security to a toxic person’s target is going to be one of the subtle behaviors that are only offensive to manipulative people — it makes sparking self-doubt and uncertainty that much more difficult.
3. Investing in other relationships and connections
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Understanding the power of communication, whether verbal with specific phrases and language or nonverbal body language shifts and affection, is a “double-edged sword.” Manipulators — who use communication to take advantage of others—know what to say to leverage their victims' weaknesses and insecurities.
Especially when they can isolate their target from their inner circle, other relationships, and supportive connections, manipulative people can use these communication tactics and behaviors to get what they want without conflict or pushback. However, that’s exactly why diversifying a friend group, investing in other relationships, and only communicating with this person in a social setting are subtle behaviors that are only offensive to manipulative people.
Not only are they forced to explain their misbehavior and scale back their manipulation in the face of a broader social circle, but they’re also more likely to be called out for these toxic behaviors when their target has other supportive friends to vent to.
4. Asking for space
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Emotionally manipulative people thrive on sparking confusion, leveraging misunderstandings, and avoiding accountability for their toxic behaviors, which makes seeking out a target who’s relatively isolated and uncertain one of their main priorities.
When a person starts to seek advice from others and take space from arguments where they feel misunderstood to reflect and regulate their emotions, that can introduce a great deal of unpredictability in how a manipulative person gets what they want—which is exactly why asking for space, seeking out alone time, and investing in new relationships are all subtle behaviors that are only offensive to manipulative people.
According to a study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, manipulative people need to feel in control, not just over their own emotions and behaviors but also over their victim’s general thought process and well-being. When they take steps to regulate their own emotions and prioritize themselves over appeasing and people-pleasing for others, manipulative people’s jobs become much harder.
5. Silence
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Control and attention are two things that manipulative people want more than anything, so when their target is silent, less available, or unwilling to advocate for themselves, that can be incredibly detrimental to their toxic behaviors and tactics. Silence is powerful, yet still one of the highly subtle behaviors that are only offensive to manipulative people.
While silence works best when a manipulator begs for your attention and contributions, acting in their opposite interests is usually the best way to protect yourself from harm. Don't argue with them if they want to spark a petty argument. If they’re looking for an excuse to blame you for their mistakes, don’t call them out or resort to name-calling they could weaponize. If they want always to have access to you, isolate yourself from them.
6. Disagreeing with others
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Manipulators don’t need to die on every hill. Still, when they’re adamant about certain decisions — from meeting at a particular place to agreeing on a specific expectation — there’s usually an intentional reason. Manipulators are quick-witted and emotionally intelligent in all the wrong ways — weaponizing their skill, social awareness, and keen sense of picking up on insecurities to gain control over others.
When someone advocates for themselves and says “no,” that’s one of the subtle behaviors that are only offensive to manipulative people.
So, if protecting yourself means occasionally offending someone who doesn’t care about your general well-being, so be it! Stand up for yourself, be intentionally careful about compromises, and don’t be afraid to say “no” in the name of your own opinions, well-being, and strength.
7. Refusing to give second chances
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Many emotionally manipulative people only express misguided empathy or care for others when it benefits them in some way. For example, they might offer to drive you somewhere, only to double down on that action in an argument, suggesting that “you’re ungrateful” or “entitled” for not feeding into their every demand, considering they did one nice thing for you.
Everything they do for you becomes a weapon that they can choose to wield at any unsuspecting moment. When a person decides that they’re not going to give out any second chances after being hurt by a manipulator the first time, that toxic person loses their power — an uncomfortable and aggravating experience for them to cope with.
They no longer have the opportunity to take advantage or spark uncertainty in this target — which can feel offensive and misguided, especially in the face of other relationships where they can finesse third, fourth, and fifth chances.
8. Using phrases like ‘I’m speaking’
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Many manipulators often get away with using toxic verbal language and nonverbal tactics like interrupting others to assert their power and dominance over a conversation, so it’s not entirely surprising that advocating for space and calling out rude subtleties in conversation are some of the behaviors that are only offensive to manipulative people.
While other empathetic and thoughtful people may react differently to being called out for interrupting — expressing sympathy, communicating an apology, or reflecting on their own need to butt in — manipulative people often grow irate, feeling like they’re naturally entitled to everyone’s space and time.
9. Criticism or judgment
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Despite being prone to utilize these tactics toward others, according to mental health counselor Geralyn Dexter, criticism is one of the subtle behaviors that are only offensive to manipulative people — especially when the name-calling, judgment, and feedback are directed toward them.
Although they tend to be emotionally intelligent — oftentimes to the detriment of those around them — and wield a sense of superiority and dominance over others, manipulative people are often driven by deep-rooted insecurities. They’re simply projecting their insecurities and the behaviors they use to cope with their low self-worth onto others — criticizing the things they’re afraid of and manipulating them into taking the blame for their shortcomings.
By flipping the script and occasionally calling out their criticism or giving them a taste of their own medicine, a manipulator’s target can remind a toxic person that they’re willing to stand up for themselves, even when it’s uncomfortable and awkward.
10. Saying ‘no’
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Manipulators do a great job weaponizing other people’s insecurities, overstepping boundaries, and consistently sparking doubt in their targets. Of course, when that person tolerates their misbehavior or refuses to stand up for themselves, it only makes their job easier.
While it might be uncomfortable to set boundaries and use a phrase as simple as “no,” it’s the difference between self-advocacy and being manipulated. Healthy people and peers are often receptive to other people’s boundaries and expectations, but unsurprisingly, this is a subtle behavior that is only offensive to manipulative people.
11. Not being available 100% of the time
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According to experts from the Mental Health Center of America, many toxic manipulators feel especially entitled to attention, privilege, and consideration in their relationships and social settings. When someone says “no” to hanging out with them, refuses to help them with an issue they’re facing, or cancels plans, that directly opposes their internal sense of entitlement, sparking offense.
By combating a manipulator’s inherent belief that you’re available for them 100% of the time, even at the expense of your own well-being, you protect yourself from being taken advantage of. Don’t be afraid to say “no,” even if they throw a tantrum, try to blame-shift their insecurities back to you, or criticize you for doing so.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a staff writer with a bachelor’s degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.