Customer Asks If It’s Necessary To Tip Server Who Disappeared After Taking His Order Because ‘That’s Just How Restaurants Work’
Is tipping earned or an obligation?
spoialabrothers | Shutterstock In a country where some may say tipping culture is out of hand, how does one truly know when they are at fault for not giving a server the tip they deserve, or in this case, don’t deserve? In a recent Reddit post, an anonymous diner sparked debate after refusing to tip a server who seemingly did very little to earn it.
According to the post, the server took the order and then disappeared, with no check-ins, drink refills, or food delivery. However, despite the server's very minimal involvement, the diner’s friends are criticizing him for not tipping. This incident raises an important question: When is it fair to withhold a tip, and what are the expectations for restaurant service?
A restaurant customer refused to tip a server who disappeared after taking his order.
Traditionally, tipping is meant to reward servers for their efforts in ensuring customers have an enjoyable dining experience. A server’s responsibilities generally include taking orders, checking in with customers, refilling drinks, and delivering food. In this case, the server seemed to have been lacking in all departments. After taking the order, he left the customer without any follow-up service, leaving the diner to wonder what they were tipping for.
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The customer wrote, "I went to a sit-down restaurant last night, and my waiter (let’s call him Brad) took my order… and then disappeared. Didn’t check in, didn’t refill my drink, didn’t even bring my food — some random food runner did." He added, "Then, when the check came, Brad magically reappeared, circled the 'suggested tip,' and gave me a big smile like we’d been through something together. My guy, what am I tipping for? You didn’t wait on me — you just took my order and vanished like a part-time magician."
This brings us to an important point: What is the purpose of a tip? It’s meant to reward service beyond just taking an order. If a server does not fulfill the expected duties of their role, such as checking on the customer throughout the meal or attending to any issues, withholding a tip is an appropriate response to poor service. However, some believe even with poor service, tipping really isn't optional.
The customer's friends made him feel bad for refusing to tip.
The diner’s friends argued, “that’s just how restaurants work,” suggesting that a tip should be given no matter what. This statement reflects the general expectation in the U.S. that servers should receive tips for any service rendered, regardless of its quality. That's because servers often rely on tips as a significant part of their income, which can lead to a societal assumption that tipping is mandatory.
However, tipping truly isn't mandatory. That standard doesn't account for the quality of the service provided. The problem is that servers and the rest of the restaurant staff, in many cases, rely on the standard 20% tip as part of their pay. Only a handful of states actually mandate that servers are paid minimum wage as a bare minimum for their work.
Tipping in the traditional sense was meant to reflect the level of service. If a server didn't provide the expected service, it was reasonable to reconsider the tip amount, or even opt not to tip at all. Unfortunately, that notion was based on the idea that being a server was a profession — one you could make a career out of and live off of. Now, with the abundance of fast and fast casual restaurants that's no longer the case. But does that mean that servers can slack off and still rely on a substantial tip? That's how we've found ourselves in the middle of the tipping wars we are currently experiencing.
Should you tip for minimal service?
Now it all boils down to one key question: Is it necessary to tip when a server fails to provide proper service? While many would argue that tips are part of the experience no matter the circumstances, others believe that withholding a tip is a justified response to poor service. In the Reddit user’s case, he felt that the server’s minimal involvement didn’t deserve a tip.
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At the end of the day, tipping is subjective and personal. While some may feel obligated to leave a tip based on restaurant norms, others believe that tipping should be earned through attentive service. If a server’s actions (or lack thereof) fail to meet those expectations, it’s fair to withhold the tip as a reflection of the service provided.
Tipping should reflect the quality of service, not just the norm.
Ultimately, and some may not like this, tipping should be a reflection of the service received, not simply a societal expectation. If a server fails to engage with the customer or provide basic services, it’s reasonable for diners to withhold a tip.
While tipping is customary in many cultures, it’s important to recognize that tips are earned through attentive and thoughtful service. If those standards aren’t met, diners are justified in adjusting their gratuity accordingly.
Erika Ryan is a writer working on her bachelor's degree in Journalism. She is based in Florida and covers relationships, psychology, self-help, and human interest topics.