11 Things Husbands Wish Their Wives Noticed About Them More Often
All husbands need from time to time is a little acknowledgement.
ViDI Studio | Shutterstock Love is just one small part of what it takes to make a marriage last long-term. Successful marriages are built around commitment, trust, honesty, and open communication. While conflict is unavoidable, being in it to win it means that husbands and wives are always on the same team.
Even the happiest married couples have their fair share of complaints. For all the wives who think their husbands don't appreciate them, there are things husbands wish their wives noticed about them more often. Yet no matter how tough things get, they know they're still on the same side.
Here are 11 things husbands wish their wives noticed about them more
1. Their subtle romantic gestures
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Husbands wish their wives noticed the effort they put into being romantic. An impromptu trip to Paris might not be on their agenda, but husbands still try to make their wives feel special as often as they can. They care about the little things, like making the perfect cup of coffee every morning, so their wives start the day with a smile.
As simple as it sounds, couples who pay attention to the positive things in their marriage feel more fulfilled. According to well-being consultant Suzann Pileggi, "The research shows that if you're focusing more on growing the nuggets of what's good, you have a better chance of having a happy relationship."
For husbands, romance is about being consistent instead of being dramatic. Their love for their wives is steady and ever-present. They might not bring her diamonds or a dozen roses, but they'll bring home a carton of her favorite flavor of ice cream. As quiet as their romantic gestures are, husbands still put their whole hearts into making their wives feel loved.
2. How much they want to improve
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Wives who feel consistently frustrated tend not to notice how much their husbands want to be better versions of themselves. They can't change overnight, but husbands can commit to self-reflection and self-improvement. It's not easy for husbands to acknowledge that they need to change, but when they do, they want their wives to notice.
Psychologist Nick Wignall revealed that couples with the highest success rates do one thing really well: They listen to each other, accept feedback, and put in the work to change.
"If you receive feedback well but don't take action on it, your partner will lose trust in you," he explained. "When trust deteriorates, so do communication, intimacy, and many other elements that are critical to a happy, well-functioning relationship."
"You can only work through relationship problems if you're able to identify them," he continued. "If you want to seriously improve your relationship, keep receiving feedback well, but commit to making specific, well-designed plans to follow through on that feedback."
3. The pressure they're under
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One of the things husbands wish their wives noticed about them more is how much pressure they're under to provide for their families. They take pride in being a provider, but they still feel stressed about how to manage it. They have mortgage payments, car payments, and college funds to cover.
They keep their worries to themselves because they don't want their wives to be disappointed. They want to stay strong. They want to figure it all out on their own, because that's their job as husbands. They wish their wives noticed the weight they carry, despite how happy they are to do so.
4. The times they take initiative
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More than anything else, marriage is about maintaining balance. In a healthy marriage, husbands and wives give and take in equal measure. Conflicts between couples often arise because one person feels like they put more into the relationship than their partner does. And taking initiative to keep the household running smoothly is something husbands wish their wives noticed about them more.
Researchers Jess Alberts and Angela Trethewey pointed out that "the division of household labor is one of the most frequent sources of conflict in romantic relationships," yet splitting chores evenly isn't enough to resolve the conflict. "It's not just the division of labor but the expression of gratitude that's key to a strong and lasting relationship," they discovered.
As important as it is for husbands and wives to take on their fair share of household chores, it's even more important that they say "thank you" to each other for doing so. "Individuals who feel appreciated by their partners... express less resentment over the division of labor and greater satisfaction with their relationships," Alberts and Trethewey concluded.
Recognizing household contributions "can help partners avoid the trap of taking each other for granted, and start to appreciate all the gifts — big and small — that they give to one another."
5. How grateful they are
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Wives might complain that their husbands take them for granted, but husbands wish their wives noticed how grateful they really are. They don't always know how to express it, but they appreciate their wives on every level.
They're grateful their wives said "yes" when they proposed. They're grateful for the ways their wives show up for them, day after day, to help them become better men. According to relationship counselor Lynda Spann, PhD, "One of the simplest ways to keep your relationship happy and healthy is to sustain a practice of mutual admiration."
"Instead of focusing on the negative things about your partner and your relationship problems, pay attention to what you fell in love with in the first place," she advised. "Start intentionally noticing what they are doing well. And be sure to tell them what you notice — what you appreciate and value about them."
When husbands tell their wives how grateful they are, they make their marriage stronger than ever.
6. Their unconditional acceptance
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Husbands wish their wives noticed that they accept everything about them without conditions. They love the little things that make their wives who they are. They see every flaw and every weird habit their wives have, and they're not turned off by any of them.
Husbands don't tolerate their wives' imperfections, they embrace them. They know that loving someone means loving the whole of them.
According to relationship coach Kathryn Brown Ramsperger, what makes a marriage work is "accepting that no matter who you're with, there will be differences, and loving them, not despite the differences, but through them, even because of them."
Devoted husbands wake up and choose their wives, every single day. They accept the harder parts of married life, because they understand that those are the parts that bring them closer together. They know that there's no such thing as perfect, and they wouldn't want it any other way.
7. The goals they set for the future
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Even though they don't say it out loud, husbands are always thinking about their wives. Every goal they set is a step toward their shared future, no matter how far away that future is. Husbands are go-getters and problem-solvers. They want to find solutions, which is why they think ahead.
They calculate costs and find ways to make their family's dreams come true. They save up vacations and birthday celebrations and date nights. They plan for retirement long before they need to, because they want to give their wives the best life possible.
One of the important things husbands wish their wives noticed about them more is how excited they are to grow old together, and how much they put into setting up a stable future for them to share.
8. Their sensitive side
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Husbands who struggle to be emotionally available wish their wives noticed their sensitive side more often. Opening up isn't easy for anyone, but men have an especially hard time being vulnerable, because they were raised to equate vulnerability with weakness.
They wish they could express their feelings without fear. Husbands know how valuable it is to be vulnerable, even when it's hard.
According to Wignall, vulnerability is every couples' secret weapon for keeping the spark alive. "If you're willing to be intentionally vulnerable in a relationship — especially in your marriage — you open up the possibility of taking the relationship to new heights," he explained.
"The willingness to share your pains, struggles, hopes, and dreams in a radically honest way can almost instantly forge a deep connection and level of intimacy," Wignall shared. "And along with intimacy comes all those things we feel like we've lost with time — passion, excitement, desire, connection, even humor."
9. How hard they try to communicate
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Husbands wish their wives noticed how much work they put into communicating. They might not get it right every single time, but they keep trying, and that's what matters most. Husbands want their wives to appreciate them for the things they do get right, including the way they listen.
As psychologist Dr. Barbara Winter pointed out, "There's nothing more vital than good communication skills, and couples who can communicate effectively know how to do one thing: listen." She shared that for most couples, the issue with effective communication is "whether they are heard, validated, felt, and acknowledged."
Husbands who make themselves available to truly hear their wives show that they're committed to being present and staying connected.
10. Their patience
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As much as they wish it were different, one of the big things husbands wish their wives noticed about them more is how patient they are. They keep their stress in check and don't get upset over small things they can't control. They put in the effort to be responsible for their own feelings, which means channeling their inner calm instead of letting their anger take over.
Patient husbands know how to manage their expectations. They don't mind when their wives tell the same stories or ask repetitive questions. They don't mind waiting for their wives to change clothes for the tenth time, because they know that their wives' comfort is more important than leaving on time.
Husbands who meet their wives where they're at contribute to having happier, more fulfilled marriage.
11. Their parenting style
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Husbands wish their wives noticed how good they are at raising kids, even though they take a different approach to parenting than their wives do. They play to their strengths, which often means turning dinner time into a game and taking the couch apart to build the best fort ever. They might be silly and joke around, but they take being a dad very seriously.
Husbands want their wives to know that they'll do anything for their family. They are far from being perfect fathers, but they keep showing up and doing their best. They aim to be a reliable, steady source of love for their wives and their kids, and that's better than trying to be perfect.
Alexandra Blogier, MFA, is a staff writer who covers psychology, social issues, relationships, self-help topics, and human interest stories.