6 Things Wives Should Never Feel Forced To Do For Their Husbands
Healthy love is consensual love.
Jose Calsina | Shutterstock Consent is not a difficult concept. "Yes, I want to," or "No, I don't want to." When you are unclear if you have gotten a yes or no, ask directly. The process seems so simple and clear, yet all around us, we see a lack of consent — even in good marriages where a wife may feel forced to do things for her husband.
When men become husbands, they have often been indoctrinated into a social mindset where they see themselves as the ruler of the marriage. Yet, this is not a healthy partnering bond and leads to abusive dynamics driven by force and an imbalance of power.
Here are the things wives should never feel forced to do for their husbands:
1. Feel they owe him something
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A wife should never feel like she has to be intimate with her husband, advises relationship coach Mitzi Bockmann. So many wives do because they feel like they "owe" it to their husbands (and their husbands often lead them to believe they do). A woman should only be intimate with her husband if it is what she truly desires.
2. Feel pressured to give in to his demands
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Psychologist Aline Zoldbrod asserts that wives should not have any kind of intimacy with him when she is completely not in the mood. Building a routine of “mercy” or “shut up intimacy” can create such profound resentment and revulsion that it can take hours and hours of professional therapy to reverse.
3. Feel they should suppress their emotions to make him comfortable
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Clinical social worker Richard Drobnick knows a wife should never feel forced to suppress her emotions or silence herself to keep the peace. True intimacy requires open, honest communication where both feel heard and valued. She should never feel pressured to sacrifice her identity. Love should enhance, not erase, individuality, allowing her to pursue passions, friendships, and beliefs without guilt.
Respecting physical and emotional boundaries is essential. A wife should never feel obligated to meet every demand — whether physical, emotional, or intimate — at the expense of her well-being. Love thrives on mutual consent and connection, not obligation. Household and parenting responsibilities should be shared fairly. A marriage flourishes when both partners understand that one person cannot carry the entire burden alone.
A wife should also feel free to express her thoughts and beliefs without pressure to conform. Healthy relationships embrace differences and encourage respectful discussion rather than forced agreement.
A loving husband never demands that his wife compromise her values, suppress her needs, or diminish her sense of self. Instead, he supports and cherishes her for who she truly is to create a love that lasts a lifetime.
4. Feel objectified
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The unhappiest wives I've worked with all had one thing in common, recalls therapist Gloria Brame, they felt their husbands forced them to be intimate or, for some, to have a kind of intimacy they did not like. Typically, the force came in the form of constant pressure, expressions of anger, insults, accusations, and emotional manipulations. In the end, they lost their ability to trust their husbands and stopped loving them.
Physical intimacy is so fundamental to a person's core identity, and such a private, sacred space, that forced intimacy, under any circumstances, can destroy marriages, and lives.
5. Feel they need to be affectionate when uncomfortable
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Counselor Larry Michel reminds us it’s wrong to pressure anyone into physical affection or intimacy. A respectful spouse values emotional connection and prioritizes mutual enthusiasm over obligation.
6. Feel they should be afraid to speak up
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It is necessary to speak up about any aspect of intimacy, however, a wife might need skills to speak about it peacefully and lovingly, recommends marriage coach Susan Allan.
Millions of women believe that an angry or enraged spouse is an acceptable partner because they have become used to their own parents’ bickering. All too often these peaceful women who feel scared and end up calling the police on their husbands, have it backfire and get arrested themselves!
However, a loving, peaceful family is the basic requirement for raising safe and healthy children. Therefore, no amount of verbal abuse is OK as parents can create anxiety in children which leads to ailments from digestive issues to headaches and worse.
A husband who gets his way by force, manipulation, or any other imbalanced power dynamic, is not the life-long love you need, want, or deserve. Your marriage should be a blend of personalities where both are themselves while building a concept of the partnership.
Healthy love is consensual love, always and forever.
Will Curtis is a creator, editor, and activist who has spent the last decade working remotely.