11 Things Only Highly Intelligent Women Experience That Just Don't Happen To Average People
Smart women have different struggles than not-so-intelligent ones.
Roman Samborskyi | Shutterstock Alongside gender stereotypes and unrealistic expectations for women, it's not surprising that many highly intelligent women struggle compared to the average person, despite having skills like complex thought and self-awareness. While intelligence, in a general sense, can prompt feelings of anxiety or competition in any one person, the added layer of gender often cultivates a unique experience for smart women that's impossible to discuss outside the lens of social norms, superiority, and misguided masculinity.
From their work lives, to their personal relationships, and the connection they build with themselves, there are certain things highly intelligent women have to deal with that just don't happen to normal people. By recognizing these struggles and obstacles, everyone can better look after their emotional well-being, even if that means challenging their own toxic perceptions and deep-rooted social stigmas.
Here are 11 things highly intelligent women have to deal with that just don't happen to normal people
1. Being perceived as intimidating
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Oftentimes, the insecurity and toxic gendered stereotypes that live deeply rooted in others come to surface when they're interacting with a highly intelligent woman, encouraging them to adopt misguided and toxic perceptions and behaviors.
Specifically difficult in conversations with traditionalists, whose identities are crafted by social norms and behaviors, intelligent women can often be cast as threatening or intimidating — sabotaging their ability to make healthy connections and interact with others.
A woman's intelligence, which often manifests as assertiveness, creativity, self-advocacy, and confidence, according to research from the Journal of Management Development, often illuminates insecurities in others that are uncomfortable to cope with, urging others to avoid them or condemn their demeanor out of fear or discomfort.
Like many other things highly intelligent women have to deal with that just don't happen to normal people, being perceived as intimidating doesn't always serve women in the same way it might for men. Alongside other gendered social norms and stereotypes, the same intelligence and confidence that men are celebrated for is condemned for women.
2. Their own cognitive dissonance
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Cognitive dissonance, the experience of having and holding two contradictory thoughts at the same time, is one of the things highly intelligent women have to deal with that just doesn't happen to normal people, especially for women that grew up pressured by societal norms and expectations.
While they may seek out knowledge for fun, find passion in their intellectual pursuits, or thrive in the workplace with their confidence and critical thinking skills, it can be disorienting to also cope with the misguided societal ideas that women shouldn't say smart things, like psychology professor and expert Michael Karson explains.
Considering the experience of gender is often entangled with our own identity and self-worth, women may adopt certain societal truths about their gender without even realizing it — contributing to this internal cognitive dissonance as they interact with others and embody their intelligence.
While many highly intelligent women have the emotional intelligence and self-awareness to challenge these misguided truths and semi-intrusive thoughts, it's important to recognize that social norms can subconsciously seep into our mindsets.
3. Staying hyper-aware of ignorance
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Alongside lacking emotional intelligence and self-awareness, many intelligent women are highly aware of other people's ignorance, in ways that can spark resentment and tension in close relationships.
From having socio-political conversations with their parents, to trying to resolve an issue at work, it can be emotionally draining to acknowledge and challenge other people's inherent insecurities and ignorance-based mindsets.
Like a study from the American Journal of Pharmaceutical Education suggests, there's a link between emotional intelligence and a person's tangible intelligence — like critical thinking skills or thoughtful communication — that allows them to be more present in social interactions and intuitive about social energy.
While they may not choose to pick up on other people's negative or ignorant energy, highly intelligent women are often drawn to acknowledging it, which can be frustrating to account for, especially when working towards a common goal or trying to spark feelings of mutual understanding in a conversation.
4. Struggling with gender dysphoria
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While many highly intelligent women have the self-awareness and internal confidence to truly build a healthy, trusting, and secure relationship with themselves, there's no denying that outside perceptions and social norms occasionally break the surface — urging people to experience cognitive dissonance and uncertainty.
A study from the Journal of Social Psychology found that highly intelligent women were often perceived to be more masculine than their less intelligent counterparts, despite having a range of gendered identities and expressions.
Considering society typically frames intelligence as a "masculine trait," coupled with ideas about superiority and confidence, women who display a similar kind of awareness may struggle with this perception.
With the power to affect their intimate relationships, self-expression, and identity, these masculine-focused narratives and perceptions are some of the things highly intelligent women have to deal with that just don't happen to normal people.
5. Struggling to make healthy friendships with other women
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Karson adds, in his investigation of intelligent women in society, that many intelligent women struggle to form close bonds with other women because they're bred into this society where they're forced to compete with one another.
Women are supposed to remain inferior, by nature of our culture, grouping together and bonding without "showing up" to another, but intelligent women challenge those stereotypes, sparking envy and jealousy in even the most secure and empowered women.
The inherent struggle many intelligent women face in making female friendships doesn't just have emotional and social repercussions, studies show it can also impact their physical health. According to one from the Journal of Clinical Oncology, women with early-stage breast cancer were four times more likely to pass away if they didn't have many friends to rely on for support and empowerment.
6. Feeling unfulfilled
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Especially for women starting families, juggling work responsibilities, and figuring their daily routines, seeking out the true intellectual fulfillment they're yearning for can be difficult.
Considering curiosity is often what drives intelligence, alongside emotional intelligence and creativity, according to the Journal of Special Education, finding outlets to indulge in new experiences and challenges is important for intelligent people to feel fulfilled and stimulated.
Whether it's a lack of free time to invest in curious endeavors, other responsibilities cutting into their alone time, or social isolation encouraging them to retreat from their hobbies, struggling with a sense of fulfillment is one of the things highly intelligent women have to deal with that just don't happen to normal people.
Despite many people's collective experience of struggling to find purpose or not feeling fulfilled, the nature of a highly intelligent woman's struggle with fulfillment lies in feeling pressure to invest her time in other, more practical, and societally encouraged pursuits.
7. Isolation
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Intelligent women often experience isolation in their lives for a variety of reasons, from struggling to make friendships, to adopting an "othering" mindset that encourages them to look down on less intelligent people, and even overworking themselves to feel fulfilled — leaving them with less personal time for social connection and interaction.
Despite studies, like one from the British Journal of Psychology, arguing that intelligent people are happier alone, there's a certain threshold of social connection that's important for any person's emotional and physical health.
Without a certain level of intentional social connection, emotional health suffers, encouraging people to feel more lonely and adopt depressive symptoms like irritability, mood swings, or low self-esteem.
8. Perfectionism
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Whether it's professional work or in their personal relationships, many highly intelligent women are perfectionists — holding themselves to an impossible high standard that they're unlikely to actually realize and achieve.
Not only does this take away from a sense of pride and accomplishment in other successes, it encourages highly intelligent women how many already struggle with self-esteem to be harshly critical of themselves.
According to a study from the journal of Self and Identity, many highly intelligent people who have a perfectionist mindset struggle with self-esteem when they're unable to reach their own unattainable goals.
While these high standards and expectations can serve highly intelligent women well, with the right mindsets and boundaries, in a situation where their own identity is linked with achievement, it can urge them to adopt unhealthy habits and a tumultuous emotional state.
9. Being forced to 'prove' their intelligence
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In traditional corporate spaces and workplace environments, many highly intelligent women are forced to "prove" their intelligence, directly working against toxic gendered stereotypes and norms, while their male counterparts are simply accepted and celebrated for their contributions.
Especially considering that many women are deemed "unlikeable" for exuding confidence or intellect in traditional institutions, the practice of balancing approachability, leadership, and achievement can be emotionally taxing for intelligent women.
In a perfect world, without toxic gender norms or expectations, highly intelligent women could simply achieve and succeed in their professional and personal lives, without being constantly held to masculine-focused standards, but unfortunately in our modern world, this pressure to perform is one of the things highly intelligent women have to deal with that just don't happen to normal people.
10. Struggling to find an intellectually compatible partner
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Considering that compatibility, specifically intellectual compatibility, is an important factor for developing healthy relationships, according to a study published in the Personality and Individual Differences journal, it's not surprising that it's also one of the things highly intelligent women struggle to find in potential partners.
Often labeled as intimidating or egotistical, in alignment with misguided societal expectations, highly intelligent women struggle to make connections with potential intimate partners.
Finding someone that's equally intelligent, capable of healthy communication, and comfortable enough internally to entertain a connection with someone who's not intellectually "inferior" can be challenging, considering modern day shifts in ideas of masculinity within the dating landscape.
11. Difficulty living in the present moment
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A study from the journal Emotion suggests mindfulness is linked to being present in your life, tuning out the complexities of life and anxieties of your schedule to simply be aware of what's happening now — both emotionally and physically.
Considering highly intelligent women often have a lot on their plate — from family responsibilities, to their own subjective expectations, and work — it's not surprising that this is one of the things they struggle to prioritize.
Constantly thinking about their own standards or curiosities and occasionally battling an overpowering inner monologue, they're often caught up in their heads, rather than living presently.
With the right balance of self-awareness and intention, highly intelligent women can make space for mindfulness practices, but it's something many people struggle to prioritize.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a staff writer with a bachelor's degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.