11 Social Norms That Highly Intelligent People Refuse To Follow
Social norms and structures are meant to be challenged and evolved.
Luis Molinero | Shutterstock As our unwritten social constructs change and evolve over time, as a 2024 study suggests, there's certainly expectations and social norms that no longer serve our collective well-being, but rather, uphold traditional and rigid regulations. While they may be a source of comfort or stability for the average person dealing with the chaos and everyday stress of their lives, there are certain social norms that highly intelligent people refuse to follow.
Whether they're gendered social constructs, language expectations, or oppressive traditional norms, intelligent people with critical thinking skills and a sense of self-awareness often challenge what other people may otherwise blindly accept. Not only are they innovators and creative thinkers in a professional sense, they also often build healthier, more intentional and fulfilling relationships and routines, unaffected by the misguided nature of toxic social norms and constructs.
Here are 11 social norms that highly intelligent people refuse to follow
1. A traditional education and career path
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Many intelligent people have the capacity to understand that as the world changes, the traditional societal norms that once characterized success and affluence in society should also change.
For example, the traditional career path of going straight to college and expecting to find the perfect fast-tracked path to success immediately after is no longer feasible for the majority of young adults, so it makes sense for it to be challenged.
While it might have been the best way to secure job stability and a stable income for older generations entering adulthood, many things have changed that have irrevocably altered the way young people find stability early in life — from new technologies, to a shifting job market, and even new standards and expectations for work-life balance and relationships.
Despite being difficult and at times uncomfortable, challenging social norms — that affect the way we interact, what we value, and how we behave — is something intelligent people are driven toward, with their innate sense of curiosity and healthy skepticism.
2. Shaming others for not knowing something
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Especially in today's ultra-competitive world, where many people find themselves overworked and overwhelmed trying to prove themselves against a sea of co-workers, peers, and even friends, one of the social norms that highly intelligent people refuse to follow is condemning someone simply for not knowing.
Whether it's an issue at work or a personal experience, not knowing doesn't have to be a bad thing; in fact, it often opens up opportunities for personal growth. According to psychotherapist F. Diane Barth, many people feel an innate sense of shame for "not knowing," despite harboring an important sense of creativity and curiosity early in life, as science journalist Matthew Hutson notes.
Rather than shaming others, encouraging them to seek external validation or reassurance from other people, intelligent people accept and embrace the art of not knowing.
Not only do they seek out challenges and new experiences in their own lives, they empower others to learn new things and get comfortable being uncomfortable, alongside societal norms that urge them to put their well-being on the line to anxiously learn everything and know it all.
3. Overworking now to relax later
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This cycle of burnout and overworking in hopes of someday retiring is one of the social norms that highly intelligent people refuse to follow. Rather than give up the joys of their present life, including rest, relaxation, and even hobbies, they find ways to balance work and personal time, making intentional space for their identity and growth.
For many intelligent people, they may forgo the dream of retirement entirely — not from an entirely fiscally motivated perspective, like many are coming to terms with — instead shaping their routine to account for periods of working and rest.
As they navigate their life, with changing stages and interests, they often view their work as a way to fund their personal routine, rather than feeding into the "hustle culture" that encourages people to sacrifice themselves for Corporate America.
4. Free-time always needs to be productive
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A 2024 study on "hustle culture" argues that productivity has largely become a virtue of our modern world, encouraging people to work as hard as they can, at the expense of their personal lives, relationships, and general well-being.
From a fear of missing out on professional opportunities to feeling "lazy" in the face of impossible social norms, productivity is weaponized by institutions to ensure they have a sense of control.
However, this is one of the social norms that highly intelligent people refuse to follow. Not only do they intentionally carve out space for alone time and their personal interests, they relieve themselves of the pressure to constantly be doing something productive with an output.
An intelligent person's hobbies don't need to be a side hustle or additional stream of income. When they have a few free minutes at work, they take the space for a break, rather than trying to stay productive to the point of exhaustion. They recognize that life isn't entirely about being practical and productive, but rather, self-aware and intentional.
5. Men shouldn't be emotionally vulnerable
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Like many of the other gendered social norms around household responsibilities, relationships, and emotional intelligence, the misguided belief that a man's masculinity is characterized by their lack of empathy, self-awareness, and emotional vulnerability is one of the social norms that highly intelligent people refuse to follow.
While research, like a PLOS One study, argues that women do tend to have a higher capacity for emotional intelligence than men, one of the biggest reasons for this disconnect is the toxicity of traditional societal norms and expectations that we've plagued men for years.
From being shamed for expressing emotions to embodying a "feminine" kind of emotional vulnerability, traditional social norms demonize men for being emotionally intelligent — sparking a cycle of emotional suppression and embarrassment that's incredibly difficult and uncomfortable to unlearn.
Intelligent people actively dismiss these traditional social norms, instead cultivating safe spaces for the men in their life to feel emotionally empowered and self-aware.
6. Your job is a reflection of your identity and character
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Considering intelligence is linked to creativity and cognitive adaptability, according to a study from Intelligence, it's not surprising the traditional expectation to harbor an all-consuming job is one of the social norms that highly intelligent people refuse to follow.
Not only are they more concerned with cultivated hobbies, habits, and a routine that empowers them, rather than a job that drains their energy, they find intentional ways to craft their personal life in a way that defines their identity and character. While some people get lucky, finding meaning and empowerment in their professional life, not everyone's job is going to be the perfect fit — and it doesn't have to be.
Setting boundaries and intentionally crafting a healthy work-life balance is something intelligent people are committed to, not just to push back against toxic and rigid social norms, but to cultivate a reality and routine that supports their general well-being.
7. Feeling pride over a lack of sleep
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Being overworked is integrated into many toxic social norms today, founded in ideas of "hustle culture" and the "rise and grind" mentality that encourage people to overlook their needs for the sake of status, money, or prestige.
Despite studies, including one from Occupational and Environmental Medicine, that consistently argue that there's a link between working long hours — both professionally and personally — and depressive symptoms, our society still celebrates and uplifts people who feel prideful about experiencing burnout, working instead of sleeping, or putting their needs to the side for the benefit of Corporate America or their careers.
While it's certainly possible and occasionally healthy to focus on your career and find a sense of empowerment in your work, intelligent people don't subscribe to the narrative that consistently overworking yourself is benefiting your general health and wellbeing.
Not only are they self-aware enough to notice the symptoms of low self-esteem and depression associated with this toxic standard, they're more intentional about creating a life they feel comfortable and empowered within.
8. Building a traditional family structure
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Intelligent people are less motivated by societal standards and more cognizant of their own emotional and physical desires and needs. In their relationships, they may feel the pressure to conform to what society deems "most appropriate," but at the end of the day, they're more focused on planning a future and committing to a routine that earnestly benefits them and their partner.
From media pressure to tension with family and parents, many women specifically feel the pressure to start families, have children, and get married from a young age, according to clinical psychologist Ellen Walker.
Despite subtle recent shifts in these norms, sparked by millennials and Gen Zers having children much later in life, this nuclear family structure and traditional plan are one of the social norms that highly intelligent people refuse to follow.
While some people may blindly follow traditional family paths — having kids, getting married, and making large investments like a home — intelligent people consider the less discussed aspects of these life changes, from a changing lifestyle to a lifelong commitment, and only pursue them when it makes sense for their life and routine.
9. The 'bootstrap' mentality
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Despite the success older generations might have had with the traditional "bootstrap" mentality — where hard work is the only key to financial comfort and status — it's clear, at least for highly intelligent people, that this social norm is no longer applicable to every person and demographic in our society.
Whether it's discrimination against marginalized groups, institutional oppression, or individual biases, hard work often isn't all you need to be successful; in fact, it's much more than that.
Times have changed — intelligent people understand that adopting social norms like the "bootstrap mentality" not only encourage hard-working people to feel shame for not achieving, but further marginalize already vulnerable people and communities.
10. Respect your elders
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While everyone is deserving of a certain level of respect, the idea that everyone should tolerate toxic behavior based simply on a person's age is not only misguided for highly intelligent people, but incredibly invalidating and unhealthy.
Respect should always be a two-way street, where both people are committed to ensuring the other feels heard, valued, and understood. While it's true that our elders do have a great deal of wisdom and experience to share, tolerating disrespect only puts us at risk to be taken advantage of.
The idea that we should respect our elders, even in the face of mistreatment, is one of the social norms that highly intelligent people refuse to follow.
Despite still leading with empathy and compassion, giving people grace when it's appropriate, intelligent people are still cognizant of their own boundaries and the kind of relationships that truly empower and uplift them in their daily lives.
11. Stranger danger
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Highly intelligent people don't always feed into the social norm of "stranger danger," where people are urged to avoid speaking with people they don't know.
While it's certainly become popular again amid overprotective parenting trends, as one study by the Journal of Affective Disorders pointed out, there's certain situations where it might actually be healthy to talk with someone you don't know or get out of your comfort zone socially in a new place.
According to research published in PNAS, a highly intelligent person's tendency to talk to strangers and engage in unconventional social interactions often helps craft a happier and healthier life. Rather than closing themselves off from meeting new people, discussing differing opinions, and gaining new perspectives on the world, they open themselves up to interacting with strangers.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a staff writer with a bachelor's degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.