11 Warning Signs Your Brain Sends When You Are Around A Narcissist
Narcissists thrive on being able to have control over others, but our brains make sure to send subtle signs to let us know.
Gladskikh Tatiana | Shutterstock We've all been in conversations with someone who's left us feeling emotionally drained, confused, and maybe even questioning our confidence or self-worth. Usually, this is a sign that you've been interacting with a narcissist and, for the most part, they can be master manipulators, almost making you feel as if you're the problem instead of them.
However, there are warning signs your brain sends when you are around a narcissist, stepping in during moments when we might be unsure if someone around us is controlling us. Because while a narcissist's tactics may be subtle, our minds and bodies can pick up on danger before we're able to consciously recognize it and act accordingly.
Here are 11 warning signs your brain sends when you are around a narcissist
1. You're always second-guessing yourself
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One of the most common effects of being around a narcissist is their constant gaslighting, which can only make you start to doubt and second-guess yourself. Narcissists will often claim that something never happened or that you're being too sensitive when they were "joking" around with you but, in reality, they're simply trying to tear down your judgment and make you feel insecure.
Certified mental health coach Darius Cikanavicius said that people with "strong narcissistic, sociopathic, psychopathic, and other dark personality traits have a low and fragile sense of self-esteem."
"In order to cope, they need to constantly feel better than others," he continued. "They always compare themselves to others and when they feel threatened, they will try to make the other person feel worse to elevate themselves and feel superior. Indeed, they think hierarchically and this plays out in different ways."
2. You feel drained
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This overwhelming sense of fatigue after hanging out with someone is one of the warning signs your brain sends when you are around a narcissist. Narcissists drain you emotionally, physically, and mentally.
There's a difference between coming home from a social interaction and your battery being low versus feeling completely depleted and emotionally heavy, almost as if you've been carrying the emotions of another person.
Licensed marriage and family therapist Dan Neuharth explained that one reason why narcissistic people are difficult is because they "instinctively try to make others carry the emotions that they dare not face."
"Healthier people generally try not to discharge difficult feelings without thinking about the consequences to others. Narcissists have such little empathy to temper their rage," he added.
3. You have increased anxiety
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If being around someone makes you feel uneasy, extremely nervous, or even panicky, then your brain is attempting to warn you that you're around someone who isn't serving you.
When dealing with a narcissist, the anxiety you may feel isn't just because you might be in a situation that's making you uncomfortable, but because you're being subjected to their constant manipulation and unpredictability.
"Many narcissist survivors live with anxiety. After experiencing narcissistic abuse, you may experience extreme fear or anxiety in relationships with new people," psychologist Arlin Cuncic wrote.
She continued, "If your symptoms include anxiety attacks, panic attacks, or hypervigilance after being [mistreated] by a narcissist, know that these symptoms will ease over time, particularly if you can work through your trauma with a professional."
4. You feel like you have to constantly walk on eggshells
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When you're around a narcissistic individual, you may feel as if your brain is making a conscious effort to the words that you say and the actions you do because you're trying not to set them off. It may feel as if you're quite literally attempting to walk on eggshells around them because you're just uneasy about which version of them you're going to get that day.
"They make themselves bigger, stronger or more capable than they actually feel to manage feelings of insufficiency," psychologist Russ Federman revealed. "Narcissistic personality disorder can be viewed on a spectrum, where the upper end shows a person who is self-centered and boastful, someone who can't acknowledge their insufficiency or their inadequacy."
5. You often feel guilty for no reason
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One of the most emotionally exhausting effects of being around a narcissist is constantly feeling as if you're at fault for some reason, even when you've done nothing wrong.
Because they're always trying to flip the switch and avoid accountability for their actions, narcissists often condition others to feel their emotions instead of having to feel them for themselves.
"If you have the tendency to doubt yourself, it is very easy for a narcissist to push your buttons and manipulate you into submission. They can create self-doubt by playing on your insecurities and weak points," Cikanavicius said.
"By making you doubt yourself and your perception of reality, they can make you take responsibility for something that you're not responsible for, or make you feel guilty and coerce you into doing something you wouldn't otherwise do, or they may simply humiliate you to feel superior," he revealed.
6. Your mood constantly changes around them
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In the company of a narcissist, you may feel happy and validated one moment, and then angry, unsure, or overwhelmed the next second without being able to understand why.
The emotional rollercoaster that you feel like you're on when in the company of a narcissist isn't random at all, but something intentional that they're doing to make sure that you stick around and they can continue having control over you and your emotions.
"Narcissists have a habit of accusing others of doing what, in fact, the narcissist is doing. For example, narcissists who frequently lie will accuse you of being untrustworthy," Neuharth wrote. "Unreliable narcissists will claim that you are undependable and have let them down."
7. You start to lose your self-identity
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Of all the warning signs your brain sends when you are around a narcissist, it's the loss of your own identity. Narcissists water down your personality, values, interests, and desires because of how much you don't want to rock the boat.
Narcissists simply can't stand the idea of the person under their thumb being independent and refusing to be at the mercy of their control. Because of this, they do whatever they can to make sure you don't know yourself anymore. They chip away at your identity until your brain starts to doubt the kind of person you truly are.
8. You're constantly searching for their approval
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If you're around a narcissist, your brain may be working overtime because you're constantly wondering if they're mad at you, if they still like you, and what you can do to make sure they're happy all of the time. However, it's rare that a narcissistic individual would ever put this much thought into someone other than themselves.
Over time, by constantly seeking their approval, you start to be dependent on their validation. These individuals are constantly using the approval you seek from them as a reward to make sure you stay around and not realize that it's a toxic relationship that you should leave right away.
9. You lose your confidence
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One of the most alarming warning signs your brain sends when you are around a narcissist is suddenly feeling as if you're not good enough, not attractive enough, or not intelligent enough because of how they've conditioned you to think less of yourself. Your brain slowly starts to think that your actions are a reflection of who you really are when that's not the case at all.
According to psychotherapist Erin Leonard PhD, "When a narcissist feels small, he or she acts big. By devaluing a person's gifts and acting superior, he or she takes the power inappropriately in the relationship... This is [another] method the narcissist utilizes to damage a person's sense of self. He or she belittles a person's most sophisticated capacities, resulting in the person regarding her most evolved gifts as character flaws."
If you suddenly notice a decline in your confidence, your brain is trying to warn you that someone in your life is attempting to undermine your self-esteem. It's best to trust your instincts and quickly remove them from your life so you can rebuild your confidence.
10. You always think you're the problem
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One of the most exhausting parts of being around a narcissist is always believing that you're the reason for things going wrong. It isn't long before you start questioning your actions and feeling as if you're the problem, but if your brain is making you feel this way, it's a warning that it's not normal or healthy to feel that way with someone else.
Research, including a study from Personality and Individual Differences, has found that narcissists are so overly confident, they have a higher chance of making bad decisions. But even if they do make the wrong decision, they tend to blame others and remain confident that they are correct.
When a narcissistic individual makes it seem as if you're the reason for their behavior, they're attempting to shift the blame because they don't want to look in a mirror and realize it's them.
11. You start ignoring your own needs
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From having to deal with a narcissistic individual, you may start noticing that your own needs suddenly don't matter anymore. At first, you may feel that you're just trying to be understanding and supportive, but no one should ever make you feel that you need to diminish taking care of yourself just to make them feel good.
Since a narcissist thrives on being the center of attention, they don't want anyone around them to focus on anything other than them. That means making you ignore your own needs to put theirs on a pedestal, but that's a glaring red flag that you're being manipulated into experiencing self-neglect.
Nia Tipton is a staff writer with a bachelor's degree in creative writing and journalism who covers news and lifestyle topics that focus on psychology, relationships, and the human experience.