12 Lessons Dads Often Forget To Teach Their Kids Until It's Almost Too Late
It's never too late to teach your kids an important lesson, even if they're already adults.
Freeograph | Shutterstock Especially in recent decades, where both parents are working full-time jobs, many studies, like one published in the Review of General Psychology, argue that fatherly love and interaction is specifically important for a child's development. Considering male partners tend to grow up amid specific gendered societal norms and pressures, it can be incredibly important for them to acknowledge and learn to best address these obstacles, so they can better teach their children how to navigate the world.
Whether it's an unequal distribution of childcare responsibilities at home or the absence of a father figure early in life, there are certain lessons dads often forget to teach their kids until it's almost too late. Whether you're in a situation where your kids are growing up and planning their own lives or want to step in and help your child grow, addressing these often forgotten lessons can help to prepare kids to live a better life and build better relationships down the road.
Here are 12 lessons dads often forget to teach their kids until it's almost too late
1. Regulating your emotions is necessary
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Considering many fathers today — men who specifically grew up in older generations where emotional regulation and intelligence weren't virtues of character, but rather weaknesses to avoid — struggle with acknowledging their own emotions, it's not surprising that it's one of the lessons dads often forget to teach their kids until it's almost too late.
In fact, their active suppression of emotions or resorting to anger during arguments can actually teach children an opposingly harmful coping mechanism for their emotions, which tends to manifest later in life in alarming and unsettling ways.
Of course, if you've recognized your child's inability to self-soothe or deal with conflict in a healthy way, it's never too late to teach the lesson of emotional regulation, but it starts with having a role model.
Like experts from the Child Mind Institute argue, learning self-regulation is a practice that kids and adult children alike need to use often to master. By unlearning your own biases with vulnerability and being a role model for health communication and self-reflection, you can show up as a parent that teaches their kids emotional intelligence, rather than sabotages it.
2. Storytelling
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According to Harvard Business experts, storytelling isn't just powerful for interpersonal and social communication, it can also be incredibly impactful in the professional world — helping leaders to bond, teach, and influence others from an empowered perspective.
Kids can learn storytelling in a variety of unique ways, from listening to their parents communicate, to reading books, and being encouraged to seek out new social interactions.
According to a report from Common Sense Media titled "Children, Teens, and Reading," many of the reading comprehension skills that kids today are struggling with is a result of their lack of reading at home.
Children are not the only ones not reading and telling stories, their parents aren't either. Considering this gap in literary integration at home compared to older generations, it's not surprising that storytelling is one of the lessons dads often forget to teach their kids until it's almost too late.
In the context of our inherently gendered society, even if kids are reading at home with their mother, it's important that dads also take part in childcare responsibilities — teaching kids their own lessons and experiences from their perspective.
3. Tipping etiquette
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While many parents might be focused on more tangible skills like reading, writing, and excelling in their school curricula, there are certain social practices like tipping at a restaurant that have quickly become lessons dads often forget to teach their kids until it's almost too late.
While it is a stigmatized and sometimes controversial part of our world, learning how to respectfully interact with service workers and tip appropriately can often play a larger role in your child's adult life and relationships than you imagine.
So, the next time you go out to a restaurant, act as a healthy role model by leveraging this life experience as a teaching moment. Let your kids figure out the tip, give them the tools to succeed, and find ways to teach these basic principles of respect in practice.
4. How to change a tire
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A Michelin North America study, reported on by the Wall Street Journal, reveals that nearly 53% of teens between ages 15 and 17 don't know how to change a tire. In the event that they're stuck on the side of the road or in a compromising situation with a flat tire, many kids today would be stranded without their phones or help from a stranger.
Of course, part of the reason why kids today aren't learning these basic life skills is because their parents don't have them either — unable to teach as a role model with limited time and education to spare.
While it might seem silly to teach amid technological advancements and roadside assistance, giving kids the opportunity to learn this basic skill can help to ensure their independence, safety, and problem-solving skills in adulthood, yet it's still one of the lessons dads often forget to teach their kids until it's almost too late.
5. Spending time in nature can feel healing
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There's no doubt that nature can be healing, regardless of what you're struggling with, emotional or physical. A study from Scientific Reports found that people who spend at least two hours outside per week are more likely to report better health and well-being than their counterparts who spend most of their time inside.
Despite the numerous studies that reveal the importance of getting outside and moving your body, many parents aren't teaching this lesson to their kids, instead assisting them in isolating themselves with technological distractions and unnecessarily overprotective rules at home.
For fathers that have largely been conditioned to ignore their mental health needs and emotions, teaching their kids about the healing power of nature can be beneficial for everyone, including them. Take your kids outside for a walk, encourage them to adopt mindfulness practices like a deep breath outside in the morning, or find ways to adopt hobbies that encourage your kids to spend time in nature.
6. Public speaking
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According to research from the Journal of Further and Higher Education, from fifth graders to undergraduate students, public speaking is a collectively anxiety-inducing fear for many students — a fear that will surely manifest itself into their adult experiences in the workplace and meeting new people.
Rooted in many children's poor emotional regulation skills and social isolation, it's incredibly important for parents to directly acknowledge fears of public speaking and instill a sense of confidence in them early in life to help them cope.
While they might miss out on this opportunity in adolescence, it's never too late to teach your children how to listen and soothe their anxiety, listen to their bodies, and exude confidence in public speaking spaces.
Practicing at home and with smaller groups of people can also be helpful, even if it's at a community event or extracurricular that a parent has encouraged their child to join.
7. How to tell a joke
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From romantic connection and attraction, to effective leadership in the workplace, and even coping with uncomfortable conflict and disagreement, humor is an incredibly effective skill for people of all ages to healthily learn, yet it's become one of the lessons dads often forget to teach their kids until it's almost too late.
Whether they're incredibly rigid as a parent or misuse humor in unfortunate and inappropriate ways, a child's inability to leverage telling a joke or being funny in tense and uncomfortable situations can make self-soothing and connection much more difficult.
8. Integrity and hard work go hand-in-hand
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Especially with modern technological shortcuts and standardization in the classroom, many kids are missing out on life experiences that can teach them integrity and the importance of hard work — two things that spark feelings of confidence, self-esteem, and connection later in life.
Whether they're learning a misguided view of "hustle culture" and burnout from their parents or finding ways to isolate themselves from honest and open conversations, integrity and hard work have become a couple of the lessons dads often forget to teach their kids until it's almost too late.
Especially helpful for facing today's obstacles like learning distractions and inequities, teaching kids integrity starts with being a role model of moral courage. By standing up for what you believe in and voicing your opinions in an inclusive and empowering way, parents can teach their kids lessons that ensure they're ready to healthily enter adulthood.
9. How to prioritize alone time
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Alongside emotional regulation and vulnerability, many male father figures are missing out on the opportunity to teach their kids about the importance of alone time, not because they're making the conscious decision not to, but because they were never given the space to invest and prioritize their own emotional wellbeing with practices like mindfulness.
According to psychiatrist Steven Gans, alone time is incredibly valuable for protecting emotional and mental health, providing people the opportunity to regulate their emotions, reflect on their days, and invest in hobbies and interests that boosts their life satisfaction and general happiness.
Be a role model for your kids by prioritizing your own alone time and investing in hobbies that help you to show up better in every aspect of your life. Isolating completely isn't the answer, but finding and teaching a balance between social connection and alone time is essential for kids that want to grow up feeling confident, empowered, and invested in their personal growth.
10. Self-care
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Rather than being taught the practice of self-care, many men were taught early in life to embrace self-neglect in response to toxic masculinity expectations and gendered societal norms, according to holistic well-being expert Jeff Siegel.
Not only does this negatively contribute to many fathers' feelings of self-worth and their general emotional health, it also often burdens their partners with the responsibility of caregiving — not just for their children, but for them as well.
While narratives on self-care might frame it as an "all-or-nothing" kind of practice, where you have to completely rewrite your daily routine to make space to connect with your body and mind, the truth is that there's small practices like mindfulness that can make a big difference.
By teaching kids self-care, you're also teaching them confidence, emotional intelligence, and the ability to connect with their bodies in ways that better aid emotional regulation and self-soothing practices. From breathwork, to journaling, and even prioritizing alone time, fathers can adopt self-care practices that both help them, their partners, and their children, without sparing more than a few minutes a day.
Even for men that have adopted the "provider and protector" identity in their families, taking care of your partner and kids starts with caring for yourself — not as a suggestion or afterthought, but as a priority.
11. How to treat a partner right
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Kids often learn many of their lifelong lessons, values, skills, and opinions from their parents early in life, from relationship standards, to communication skills, and even their own feelings of self-worth and confidence, according to a study from the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology.
Like many of the other lessons dads often forget to teach their kids until it's almost too late, teaching kids how to behave respectfully and responsibly in a relationship starts with being a healthy role model.
Remind your kids how to have healthy conversations and arguments. Teach them how to show empathy, lead with compassion, and communicate, even when things are tough. Express gratitude, show up for the little things, and make space for quality time and affection, especially when your kids are around.
Many of the generational curses and poor relationship cycles adult children are burdened with are a direct result of their family relationships from childhood, where they not only learned poor communication skills, but were forced into an insecure mindset that kept them from feeling empowered and confident in the dating world.
12. Mistakes don't make you weak
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The only way that you can truly fail is by viewing mistakes as a weakness, rather than an opportunity for growth. While many men have been taught to protect their egos by ensuring they're perceived as the most powerful, knowledgeable, and successful person in any room, teaching kids about personal growth starts with accepting that an image like that only sparks insecurity, rather than true confidence and success.
By acting as a role model that accepts challenges, gets out of their comfort zone, and tries things they've never done before, you can not only help your kids form a healthy mindset for personal growth, but teach them to take accountability and self-soothe in their own unique ways.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a staff writer with a bachelor's degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.