11 Phrases Brilliant People Use When They Can’t Remember Someone’s Name
It feels pretty embarrassing when you can't remember someone's name, but there are some ingenious ways to find out what it is.
Sjale / Shutterstock Forgetting someone’s name, especially after they just told you what it is, can be extremely awkward, but it’s a common experience we all go through. Some people are more upfront when they forget someone’s name, while others try some unique methods to sneakily figure it out.
Meeting someone for the first time is already an awkward experience. If you forgot their name once, you can directly ask them to kindly remind you of their name. But if you're the type of person who doesn’t feel comfortable doing that, there are subtle ways to get someone to give you their name without them knowing you ever forgot it.
Here are 11 phrases brilliant people use when they can’t remember someone’s name
1. ‘I know we’ve met before but, what’s your name again?’
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One brilliant way to remember someone’s name is by simply asking them. When you walk up to them, say, ‘I know we’ve met before but, what is your name again?’ This shows that you’re acknowledging your first encounter with them.
According to the Cognitive Neuroscience Society, we call this the “tip-of-the-tongue” phenomenon, where we name things associated with the person but still can’t remember their names. It’s like when you watch television and recognize an actress but can’t remember her name, so you start naming the shows and movies she has appeared in.
If you don’t feel like deceiving someone just to get their name after you forgot, then be direct and simply ask the question. This is the most polite way to ask, as you acknowledge that you have met before this new interaction.
2. ‘I’m terrible with names. Could you tell me yours again?’
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Another direct way to deal with forgetting someone's name is to admit fault and tell them that you’re not good with names. It’s best to be honest with the individual and admit that you’re not perfect. Admitting it is the first step to correcting it, however, if you still feel apprehensive about then you can always try exercises that help you remember.
One exercise is to associate their name with an object or thing so that you can remember it. Similar to the ‘tip-of-the-tongue’ method, what you can do is say a bunch of names that you think the person should have until it jogs your memory. You can remember a woman’s name starting with a ‘C,’ but you can’t remember the specific name so you just randomly start naming different names with the letter until one unlocks a memory.
This doesn’t just happen with movie stars, after all. It can also happen with objects, places, and people.
3. ‘Why don’t you put your name and number in my phone so we can keep in contact?’
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Asking someone to put their name and number in your phone is an easy way to learn their name. This can be tricky, as some people don't readily give their phone numbers to just anyone.
Most adults have and use smartphones. According to a study by Electro IQ, as of 2024, there are 4.89 billion smartphone users worldwide, a 14.10% increase from the previous year. So, there shouldn't be any excuses as to why they can't accept your phone number unless for personal reasons. If this is the case then chances are they don't want to get closer to you in any capacity.
Now if you don’t want this person to have your information, then there are other ways to learn their name.
4. ‘There’s someone I want you to meet.’
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A more simple way to learn someone’s name is to bring another person you may know into the mix so that they can reintroduce themselves to them and voila you now know their name again. When they are forced to reintroduce themselves you will relearn their name and can act as if the awkwardness of not knowing is finally put to rest.
Theresa E. DiDonato Ph.D. stated that where you meet a person can determine whether it will be a successful relationship or not. Meeting someone at a bar is not as great as meeting them through a friend or a colleague. By adding a third person to the mix, you have indirectly made it so you technically met through another individual.
Letting them meet another person will get them to tell the new person their name, and then you'll know it too.
5. ‘Hey, do you know so and so’s name?’
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Speaking of bringing another person into it, when push comes to shove, ask someone who frequently speaks to them what their name is and how it’s pronounced so that you remember next time.
Deborah Heiser Ph.D. says that it’s important for people to ‘frame’ what they are trying to ask. Forgetting someone’s name one time should be OK, but to continue to do it is a bit too much. The person trying to help you remember the other person’s name may get fed up with your behavior.
Asking others to help can benefit you in the long run, as long as the secret of you not knowing stays between you and the other person.
6. ‘Hey friend, how are you doing today?’
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You honestly don’t need to remember someone’s name when you simply give them a nickname like ‘friend’ instead. This method buys you time until their name eventually comes back to you. This again buys you time to learn the person’s name through other means.
An article by NeuroLaunch, stated that nicknames create social bonds and are often woven into an individual's identity or physical appearance. Nicknames are considered like a ‘secret handshake’ between friends. Once another person joins the group and gets placed into the inner circle they are more likely to start using the nickname as well.
Giving someone a nickname because you can’t remember their real name is a fun way to bond, as long as the nickname isn't offensive.
7. ‘Your name is unique. What’s the story behind it?’
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Our parents name us what they do for a reason, so asking someone what led their parents to name them that specific name can not only let you know their name, but also give you context and backstory to their personal life. This is not meant to be intrusive, but expresses genuine interest in their name.
Our names are a reflection of who we are. Molly S. Castelloe Ph.D. stated that a person’s name shapes their entire lives and identity. Our surnames reflect our relationship to our parents, mothers and fathers. There are also ethnic ties based on your name and its geographic origins.
Knowing someone’s name is a powerful thing because it gives you insight into who they are and where they come from.
8. ‘You have a really nice name. What does it mean?’
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Alternatively, you can ask them what their name means to open up a conversation about the meaning behind their name. Knowing where someone’s name comes from is one thing but knowing the meaning behind it is a whole other subject entirely.
For instance the meaning behind the name ‘Sofia’, means having ‘wisdom and skills.’ It is Greek in origin and has been a popular name in many countries throughout history. Name meanings can be spiritual or even reflect one’s personality traits and behaviors.
Knowing the meaning behind someone’s name will give you insight into their personality rather than where they come from like previously mentioned.
9. ‘How do you pronounce your name?’
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If you need an easier way to learn their name, simply ask them how to pronounce it. Now you will know their name and how it’s spelled. After all, it is considered a common courtesy to say a person’s name the right way.
According to a survey by NameCoach, 74% of workers struggle with name pronunciation at work, with 16% saying that they didn’t talk to a coworker out of fear of not knowing how to say their name. It’s a shame when people let fear get the best of them and potentially ruin a good work relationship in the process.
Learning how to pronounce someone’s name is a simple sign of respect. Even if you get it wrong the first time, you have to keep trying.
10. ‘Why don’t we add each other on our socials?’
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When you add someone to your social media account you can see everything — including their name, where they are from, and their birthday. So, this is a clever way to remember someone’s name if you happen to forget it. Simply ask them if they would like to be friends on any social media account and you will have access to their name.
Being friends with people who you work with can have several benefits. You can have multiple communication channels or connections for the future, and of course, add a human element to work. Everyone can also bond on topics that are not work-related.
As long as the two of you are okay with sharing your social media accounts with each other, why not start a beautiful new online friendship?
11. ‘How do you spell your name?’
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Asking someone how to spell their name is an easy way for you to remember or learn it without directly asking them for it. It could also give you the opportunity to write it down. Spelling out a name is better than simply having them state it as many people have similar names but spell them differently.
Ira Hyman Ph.D. stated that one way he remembers names is by writing them down after meeting someone for the first time. His next method includes something similar to the ‘tip-of-the-tongue’ method where he associates ‘important features’ to the individual to remember them.
Whichever phrase you use, at least you can sleep at night knowing that you avoided an embarrassing situation.
Sylvia Ojeda is an author who has over a decade of experience writing novels and screenplays. She covers self-help, relationships, culture, and human interest topics.