11 Behaviors That Seem Rude But Are Actually Signs Of A Highly Intelligent Person
Intelligent people aren't being rude, it's just how their brains are wired.
Leszek Glasner | Shutterstock When people aren't overly concerned with external validation or outside opinions, they have an easier time showing up authentically. Being true to themselves can be off-putting to others, who don't always understand where they're coming from, and may interpret their behavior as strange or rude.
Everyone has their own threshold of social awkwardness. What's weird to one person is totally normal to someone else. There are certain behaviors that seem rude but are actually signs of a highly intelligent person. For this reason, empathy and compassion are incredibly important to hold onto in social settings.
Here are 11 behaviors that seem rude but are actually signs of a highly intelligent person
1. Questioning authority
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A highly intelligent person channels their brilliance to challenge authority. Their behavior seems rude, but they're not trying to be mean or stubborn. Rather, they're using their superior brain power to ask questions other people hesitate to bring up.
According to clinical psychologist Dr. Joey Lawrence, gifted people tend to question authority. "They ask embarrassing questions because they want to know details that they shouldn't ask about and they are nonconforming," she explained.
A highly intelligent person wants to understand why certain systems are in place over others, which is the main reason they question authority figures. They refuse to accept the status quo as is, because they know that change is made by pushing limits and speaking truth to power.
2. Avoiding small talk
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A highly intelligent person may seem rude because they avoid small talk at costs. They're not satisfied with surface level conversations. Their minds are always moving, which means they don't really know how to navigate shallow interactions.
Their propensity for profound topics and personal questions tends to throw other people off. Yet the deep talk that a highly intelligent person craves is a way to create close connections between relative strangers.
As author Charles Duhigg wrote in his book "Supercommunicators," "There's research on how to make small talk into something more meaningful — and the data shows it's easier, and more enjoyable for everyone involved, than we think."
Duhigg shared that deep conversations require deep questions, which "ask someone about their values, beliefs, or experiences. Rather than asking someone about the facts of their life, [deep questions] ask how they feel about their life... Meaningful connections come from sharing authentic parts of ourselves."
3. Interrupting conversations
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A highly intelligent person processes information faster than other people do, which puts them way ahead of everyone else, even in casual conversation. They have a tendency of interrupting others, a behavior that seems rude, but is actually misunderstood. While it's not their intention to be impolite, the impact of their actions makes it hard for them to engage other people.
According to psychotherapist Matt Cartwright, chronic interruption "can create an underlying sense of being disrespected and of not being heard or understood. Over time, it damages relationships."
He advised, "Keep an open mind that the person may be unaware that they are interrupting. Acknowledge that the interruptions may be coming from their excitement, versus a malicious intention."
4. Correcting people
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Another of the behaviors that seem rude but are actually signs of a highly intelligent person include the tendency to correct people. An intelligent person often finds themselves in hot water for doing so, but they don't act this way to be rude, although it rubs most people the wrong way.
They value truth over everything else, and they don't hesitate to point out any inaccuracy they come across. Their seemingly arrogant attitude has less to do with proving how smart they are and more to do with their desire to set the record straight.
The most intelligent people know how little they actually know. Most of the time, their intellectual humility guides them through life, but they're virtually incapable of staying quiet when they hear incorrect information.
5. Zoning out
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Always thinking one step ahead, the highly intelligent individual's mind is a well-oiled machine, primed to solve complicated problems and find solutions to serious issues. Sometimes, they're so busy thinking, they lose track of the present moment. They zone out completely, which seems rude, but it's actually a sign they're lost in thought.
It's not uncommon for a highly intelligent person to trail off in the middle of a sentence or abruptly excuse themselves from a conversation. They're thinking so deeply, they don't even realize how rude their behavior seems. Other people might interpret their actions as proof that they're inattentive, but really, their attention is trained inward.
6. Fidgeting
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Fidgeting is another behavior that seems rude but actually indicates that someone is highly intelligent. There's an expectation in academic and professional settings for people to be quiet, sit still, and receive information, but a highly intelligent person struggles with those instructions.
They have a tendency to move their bodies without realizing they're doing so. They might tap their fingers on their desk or jiggle their knees up and down. They might twirl their pen in their hands or tear apart paper.
While fidgeting is an indicator of ADHD, studies, like one from Child Neuropsychology, determined that fidgeting was shown to improve cognitive performance in children with ADHD. An additional study from Frontiers in Psychiatry found that adults who fidget are able to better sustain attention.
While these small actions often seem destructive and distracting, they're a sign that a highly intelligent person is thinking deeply. A highly intelligent person might have restless body language, but for all of their tics and twitches, they're still paying very close attention to what's being said.
7. Getting bored quickly
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A highly intelligent person tends to get bored easily, especially in social situations where they're not fully invested. They don't realize this behavior seems rude because it has no bearing on the company they're with. Their boredom has less to do with other people than it does with their need for constant intellectual excitement.
Their minds jump around, making connections between disparate topics that don't necessarily interest anyone else. Their loss of interest in everyday interactions makes it hard for them to feel close to other people. For this reason, a highly intelligent person often feels misunderstood by other people.
8. Being selective about friendships
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A highly intelligent person isn't friends with just anyone; rather, they're incredibly selective with their social circles, because they believe in quality over quantity. They want friends who challenge them, who push them to think about the world on a deeper level. They avoid hollow friendships. Instead, a highly intelligent person makes friends to keep.
In her book "Platonic: How the Science of Attachment Can Help You Make — and Keep — Friends," psychologist Marisa Franco wrote about the transformative magic of true friendship.
"We choose our friends, which allows us to surround ourselves with people who root for us, get us, and delight in our joy," she wrote. "Through friendship, we can self-select into some of the most affirming, safe, and sacred relationships of our lives."
She advised people to put their friendships first, adding, "Make being a good friend a part of who you are, because a deep and true core that needs to belong lies within us all."
9. Turning down invitations
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Turning down invitations is a behavior of a highly intelligent person that seems more rude than anything else they do, even though they don't intend to be rude. A highly intelligent person functions on a higher vibration than others, which means they need to spend a fair amount of time alone to decompress.
A study from Frontiers in Psychology outlined how solitude, loneliness, and isolation are entirely opposing experiences. Solitude can be defined as "the state of being alone," loneliness is "the feeling of alienation from others," and isolation is "the experience of choiceless and extended alone time."
Loneliness is directly connected to a detrimental type of solitude, but solitude in and of itself isn't always negative. There are positive aspects to "being with yourself," like relaxation, self-reflection, and a sense of inner peace.
10. Overlooking small details
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An incredibly intelligent person's habit of ignoring minor details seems rude, but it's really a sign of how fast their brains operate. They're so focused on the big picture that they often let little things slip through the cracks.
Their spouse might remind them 20 times to pick up milk before coming home, but they come home empty-handed. They might let their laundry pile up in the corner of their bedroom, because most of their brain space is devoted to other issues.
This behavior frustrates other people, because it seems like they don't care enough to pay close attention to details.
11. Prioritizing honesty
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A highly intelligent person's practice of telling the unvarnished truth seems rude, but it shows how deeply they prioritize honesty over comfort. According to Harvard Business School Professor Michael Beer, the lack of honesty and accountability in corporate culture can be detrimental to the survival of a company.
"There's this organizational silence, where no one feels comfortable speaking truth to power," he explained. The shared discomfort with open communication spreads like a virus, until "People who are this discouraged stop bothering to collaborate with others to improve the organization."
In his book "Fit to Compete: Why Honest Conversations about Your Company's Capabilities Are the Key to a Winning Strategy," Beer wrote, "Many management failures... are rooted in the inability of corporate leaders to learn the truth and respond effectively."
For most people, it's easier to stay silent than it is to be honest, but a highly intelligent person lets their truth-telling tendencies guide them through life.
Alexandra Blogier, MFA, is a staff writer who covers psychology, social issues, relationships, self-help topics, and human interest stories.