11 Phrases That Instantly Reveal Someone's True Character
When you hear someone speaking this way, you know who they really are.
GaudiLab / Shutterstock Knowing someone’s true character can be tricky at times. On one hand, their words might seem encouraging or even helpful, while on the other hand, you can't help but wonder if they are being fake, sarcastic, or passive aggressive. But if you know what to listen for, you'll find that there are certain phrases that instantly reveal someone’s true character without them even knowing.
Research has shown that your choice of words can reveal important information to others about your mental health, your skill at persuasion and even whether you can be trusted. So don't underestimate the importance of listening closely to what people are saying as you get to know them.
These are 11 phrases that instantly reveal someone's true character
1. ‘I don’t owe anyone anything’
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The first phrase that instantly reveals someone's true character is, "I don't owe anyone anything." While it's true that people don't inherently owe anyone anything, it's selfish to think relationships shouldn't be mutually beneficial. Whether it's their parents who got them through college or their partner who always supports them, there's someone in everyone's life to whom they owe a great debt.
Additionally, someone saying that they don't owe anyone anything is the equivalent of refusing to acknowledge the efforts made by others. Retired clinical psychologist Leon F Seltzer, PhD, explained that feelings of acknowledgment stem back to people's childhood. He continued that it's important for people to feel acknowledged, as it causes them to feel more accepted and secure.
Knowing this, people who use this phrase should be careful. Like it or not, constantly saying this can quickly come off as self-absorbed and ignorant — a combination that can quickly grow tiresome for those around them.
2. ‘Sorry, that’s just the way I am’
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Everyone has a unique personality, and whether someone is quirky or serious, these characteristics will eventually grow and evolve throughout time. However, a phrase that instantly reveals someone's true character is, "Sorry, that's just the way I am."
People must remember that to make relationships work, some amount of change and compromise is absolutely necessary. To refuse to evolve is to say, "I don't care about anyone but myself."
Expert in positive psychology Stephen Joseph, Ph.D., noted that as people grow emotionally, they develop a sense of responsibility and are increasingly likely to be more giving and considerate to others. Even so, someone who uses this phrase constantly doesn't care to change or evolve as a person, and as a result, shows zero consideration for others.
These people are so consumed in their own desires and needs that they neglect those around them, causing others to feel neglected and resentful, effectively destroying the relationship in the process.
3. ‘I’m just being honest’
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You've probably been in a heated conversation with someone, only for them to say, "I'm just being honest." Saying this phrase might seem unproblematic. After all, how can anyone blame someone for stating their honest opinion, right?
However, when someone uses the phrase, "I'm just being honest," it makes room for disrespect. According to psychotherapist Avrum Weiss, Ph.D., while saying someone is being honest might sound like they're being truthful, it really is them voicing their criticism out loud.
Knowing this, what can people say instead of using this phrase? One suggestion might be, "Hey, can I be honest for a minute?" Allowing someone the opportunity to decide if they're ready to hear what the other person has to say is a great start.
4. ‘No one ever helped me, so why should I help them?’
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There's a common saying that sometimes people need to get up and pull themselves up by the bootstraps. Unfortunately, this sort of mentality often leaves people feeling isolated. This is dangerous, as the National Institute of Aging found that loneliness is often associated with serious health risks such as depression or heart disease.
Despite this fact, there will be people out there who will claim that not helping others is good for them. As a result, a phrase that instantly reveals someone's true character is, "No one ever helped me, so why should I help them?"
This sort of mentality not only shows how bitter someone is, but how heartless they can be as well. While sometimes allowing others to fall is necessary, saying that someone should fall as a result of someone's own suffering is completely twisted.
Everyone needs help and support. As a community or as a family member, not having that support can lead to a load of mental health problems if people aren't careful. This is why those who say this phrase are seen as heartless. Leaving someone to suffer as a result of their own experiences isn't justifiable, and in fact, reveals someone's true character.
5. ‘Trust me, I’m not like other people’
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Most people have heard a friend, lover, or family member utter the phrase, "Trust me, I'm not like other people." Unfortunately, the people who say this couldn't be more wrong.
While people would like to pretend that they're different, the truth of the matter is that people are fairly predictable. According to research, human behavior is 93% predictable.
That said, most people don't believe that everyone is similar and, as a result, will continue to cling to the idea that they're 'built differently.' However, not only is this statement completely false, but it can quickly become annoying as people see this person as simply full of themselves.
6. ‘I don’t care what anyone thinks’
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There's nothing wrong with people marching to the beat of their own drums. People's happiness should be at the forefront when push comes to shove. Even so, a phrase that instantly reveals someone's true character is, "I don't care what anyone thinks."
Let's be honest: most people are people-pleasers, and as a result, absolutely care about what people think. But even if they didn't, not caring about what others think can quickly show just how irresponsible and reckless someone can be.
Like it or not, people absolutely judge others, and someone's first impression can make or break their view on someone for a while. One study published in Social Cognition found that shaking off a bad first impression is notoriously difficult to do, as it takes weeks of consistent positive behavior for people to change their opinion of someone.
This is why people who utter the phrase, "I don't care what anyone thinks," should reconsider this mindset. As it stands, not caring what others think is the quickest way to destroy their opportunities.
7. ‘It’s not my fault’
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When in an argument, it's normal for people to say things that they don't mean. After arguing for hours on end, certain hurtful ways can be thrown into the mix, leading to a need to apologize. But a phrase that instantly reveals someone's true character is if someone utters, "It's not my fault."
Refusing to take accountability is dangerous for many reasons. According to licensed counselor Jamie Cannon MS, LPC, refusing to take accountability often leads to toxic outcomes.
However, there's another reason why saying it's not my fault is especially hurtful. Refusing to admit any wrongdoing directly impacts the other person. In essence, it places complete responsibility onto the other person to apologize and take accountability for the whole situation, leading to feelings of isolation.
So, if someone close utters this phrase, people must be honest about how they feel. Sometimes, people might say this in the heat of the moment without thinking twice about it. Pausing and redirecting them can be the difference between having a successful conversation and causing more strain in the relationship.
8. ‘I don’t have time for this’
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Whether it's gossiping or arguing, there will come a point where people are simply wasting your time. Even so, people will continue to discuss their feelings or the situation because they want to share how they are feeling or how other people's actions impacted them.
That said, a phrase that instantly reveals someone's true character is, "I don't have time for this."
Someone saying this phrase is the equivalent of saying, "I don't have time for you."
And dismissing another person's emotions or feelings because it's taking too long or because it's too much is the equivalent of simply not caring, which is especially hurtful if it's said by a loved one.
To avoid this, you can simply say, "Hey, I think what you're saying is very important, but can we please pick this back up in an hour?"
This phrase not only validates how someone feels but prevents someone from feeling unimportant, which, according to a study published in 2020, can lead to psychological pain, as they feel as if they lack significance in life.
9. ‘You’re way too sensitive’
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There's no worse feeling than someone expressing themselves only to be met with dismissive phrases or gestures. After all, everyone wants to feel validated and important, which is why a phrase that instantly reveals someone's true character is, "You're way too sensitive."
Sure, there are people out there who are entirely too sensitive. Known to be empaths, these individuals feel emotions intensely and as a result, react intensely.
Even so, being an empath and simply expressing one's thoughts are two completely different things. In addition, saying that someone is being too sensitive as a result of their emotional expression is a class case of being indifferent.
Unfortunately for them, this indifference might just cost them as their friends and family members quickly grow tired of their cold behavior. Often resulting in them completely ghosting the other person completely.
10. ‘That could never be me’
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During a gossip session, people might hear others make fun of and tease random strangers. With a mocking laugh, they’ll claim how reckless or stupid someone is without bothering to understand the other person’s perspective. As a result, a phrase that instantly reveals someone’s true character is, “That could never be me.”
People who claim this often aren’t the most open-minded individuals out there. They are so stuck in their old-fashioned way of thinking that they refuse to try to understand those around them. This is unfortunate, as this type of mentality often leads people to stay stuck and never mature as a person.
Even so, it’s never too late to change. Hanging around other people or simply even educating oneself is one of the quickest ways to understand another person’s perspective.
11. ‘Respect is earned’
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The last phrase that instantly reveals someone's true character is, "Respect is earned." While it's true that it's easier to feel admiration towards someone familiar, respect is something that everyone is deserving of. Whether it's a waiter at a restaurant or a CEO, people deserve to be talked to kindly and treated fairly.
Unfortunately, the mentality of earning respect isn't going away anytime soon. People entering new spaces are often left isolated as the mentality of earning respect in the workforce requires people to run themselves dry.
Even worse, people with this kind of mentality aren't changing their minds anytime soon as this old-fashioned way of thinking is already ingrained into their core belief system. Knowing this, it's best to avoid these types of people as the way that they treat others is often based on feelings rather than basic human decency.
Marielisa Reyes is a writer with a bachelor's degree in psychology who covers self-help, relationships, career, family, and astrology topics.