Guys Who Perfect These 9 Skills Always Seem To 'Get The Girl'
A therapist's insights into those rare men who are both charming and honest.
Brock Wegner | Unsplash Some men seem to possess a charisma that draws women effortlessly. But their appeal isn’t luck or magic — it’s perfecting skills that resonate deeply with the emotional and psychological needs of women.
The guys who are both charming and honest always seem to end up winning the affection of women they adore and respect. Here's how.
Nine essential skills that guys who "get the girl" always seem to master
1. The art of active listening
Men often mistake hearing for listening. True listening involves more than nodding at the right moments. It’s about being fully present, maintaining eye contact, and validating her feelings. Women thrive on emotional connection, and nothing builds that bond faster than feeling genuinely heard and understood. The man who can listen without interrupting, judging, or offering unsolicited solutions wins her heart.
2. Expressing vulnerability
Women are drawn to authenticity. While men are often taught to hide their emotions, showing vulnerability is a sign of strength, not weakness. Sharing your fears, dreams, and insecurities creates intimacy, as shown in the Personality and Individual Differences Journal. It tells her you trust her with your inner world, which fosters a deeper connection. The men who master this skill become irresistibly human.
3. Cultivating emotional intelligence
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Emotional intelligence is to recognize, understand, and manage your emotions while also being attuned to the emotions of others. Women appreciate a man who can empathize with their experiences and respond in a way that acknowledges their feelings. Men who can navigate emotional landscapes with ease create a safe space for their partner.
4. Mastering the balance of independence and togetherness
Women value connection, but they also respect a man who has his own life, passions, and goals. Men who are too clingy or overly detached miss the mark. A study in The Arts in Psychotherapy helped explian how the key is striking a balance to show her she’s a cherished part of your life while maintaining your individuality. This balance signals confidence and stability, two traits women find highly attractive.
5. Communicating with clarity and confidence
Men often stumble when trying to decipher women's communication. Women admire men who can express themselves clearly and assertively without being overbearing. Confidence in your words and actions reassures her that she’s with someone who knows what he wants and values her enough to communicate openly.
6. Understanding her love language
Whether it’s words of affirmation, acts of service, quality time, physical touch, or gifts, knowing her preferred love language and speaking it fluently can make all the difference, as described by an article in Plos One Journal. The man who understands how she feels loved stands out as someone who truly "gets" her.
7. Being playful and lighthearted
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Life can be stressful. Women appreciate a man who can bring joy and laughter into their world. Men who don’t take themselves too seriously create an atmosphere of fun and ease. This playfulness is magnetic, reminding her that relationships don’t have to be all work and no play.
8. Displaying genuine ambition
Women are naturally drawn to men with a sense of purpose. Ambition — not to be confused with ruthless drive — signals a man’s passion for life and his commitment to personal growth. an article in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology helped show that whether it’s a career, a creative pursuit, or a charitable cause, a man with dreams and the determination to achieve them exudes an energy women find deeply attractive.
9. Practicing patience and understanding
Women appreciate men who can remain calm and patient, especially during moments of conflict or emotional overwhelm. Men who master the skill of pausing, seeking to understand rather than react, demonstrate emotional maturity. This patience builds trust and shows her that you’re willing to work through challenges together.
Here's why these skills matter
These nine skills address the universal truth that women crave connection, understanding, and security in a relationship. While physical attraction may spark initial interest, it’s these deeper qualities that create lasting relationships.
Mastering these skills doesn’t mean changing who you are. It’s about becoming the best version of yourself. Each skill is a tool that enhances your ability to communicate, connect, and build a meaningful relationship.
These skills aren’t just about "getting the girl." They’re about fostering relationships where both partners feel valued, supported, and truly seen. And that’s the kind of connection that’s worth mastering.
Richard Drobnick, LCSW, DCSW, is a therapist and the Director at Mars & Venus Counseling Center in Bergen and Morris Counties, New Jersey.