Millennial Renter Admits To Feeling ‘Inferior’ Around Younger Homeowners
Homeownership doesn't always have to define success.
Prostock-studio | Shutterstock There's been no respite in the U.S. housing market, making owning a home, or even renting, difficult for most. It is not unusual to feel defeated by it. A millennial recently took to Reddit to rant about this very topic, sharing that he has complex feelings when comparing his living situation to that of younger homeowners.
In the post, the 37-year-old man confessed he feels inferior and inadequate when seeing younger people secure homes despite also feeling genuinely happy for them regardless of his personal inadequacies. His insecurity shed light on the struggles many face due to the housing crisis and a never-ending renting cycle.
A millennial renter said seeing people younger than him own their own homes makes him feel 'inferior.'
In absolute honesty, he wrote, "I feel inferior when people younger than me have houses." His statement connected with others who felt left behind due to factors like stagnant wages and an inaccessible housing market. He added, "My wife (35) and I have been living together and working for almost 13 years and have since been unable to crawl out of the eternal renting hole."
One commenter poignantly noted, "There are so many people in the same boat as you, so don't beat yourself up about it. You still have value as a person." And yet still, his sense of inadequacy prevailed. "I feel like I failed somehow, or that I'm stupid for not chasing a house in my early 20s or something."
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The millennial renter did not harbor resentment for younger homeowners, only contempt toward his own perceived failures.
Surprisingly, the man shared that he had no resentment towards the younger crowd; he is actually quite happy for others who are able to own their own homes. He sees it as a shortcoming that he hasn't reached this milestone yet. He wrote, "I don't wish badly on anyone who gets their own house or anything. This is just about my own personal inadequacies."
Commenters continued to reassure the man, but even the most logical reasoning can't always clear the cobwebs of self-doubt and feelings of insecurity.
Society puts weight on the milestones of life — college, marriage, buying a home, and having kids. When you don't meet those milestones, regardless of why, it can deflate a person's sense of self and purpose. As one commenter simply put it, "Brother, I’m right there with you. 38 and no mortgage, living in an apartment in New York City. Granted not many of my NYC friends have a mortgage but in general it just feels like I have missed a major life milestone."
The millennial renter feels inferior because he is comparing himself to others, not because he has actually failed in some way.
Social media has created an environment where our sense of self and success are tied directly to outside approval. Instead of looking inward for approval, we have been conditioned to look outward and measure our lives to an unattainable ideal.
Instead of enjoying the life he has built with his wife, this man is focused on what others have achieved that he hasn't. That comparison will only result in a lifetime of disappointment that not even a million-dollar home in the suburbs could heal. It's not the home or lack thereof making him feel inferior — it's comparison culture.
As Psychology Today author Rebecca Webber succinctly put it, "People are most likely to share [on social media] peak experiences and flattering news about themselves ... and tech companies, furthermore, use algorithms to prioritize that very information in social media feeds. The narrow, distorted slice of reality that is displayed on social media is almost perfectly constructed to make viewers feel deficient and discouraged."
To combat the sense of inadequacy caused by comparing himself to others, the millennial renter needs to redefine how he views success.
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Despite his insecurities, the man was genuinely happy for others. His acknowledgment was refreshing, but it didn't negate the fact that his mindset regarding his own accomplishments needs to change. Success is not always cookie-cutter. While owning a home is a milestone, it is not a marker for success.
The journey of financial stability and security looks different for everyone. Homeownership is not the only factor that defines success; there is also having a fulfilling career, meaningful relationships, and maintaining personal well-being. It is important to avoid comparing your success to others, especially when it comes to the societal pressures of homeownership.
As the housing market continues to change, so too will the conversation about what it means to be successful. For some, renting may seem like a practical and fulfilling choice. Every person has a different journey that is unique to them, and while the feeling of inferiority may sometimes arise, it’s important to remember that milestones are personal — and so is success.
Erika Ryan is a writer working on her bachelor's degree in Journalism. She is based in Florida and covers relationships, psychology, self-help, and human interest topics.