10 Phrases Often Used By People Who Refuse To Tolerate Disrespect
Stand up for yourself in a tactful way.
ShotPrime Studio | Shutterstock Embracing disrespect, even from the people we love, compromises our emotional health, self-esteem, and overall well-being. Setting boundaries and walking away from situations where we are not respected is essential for our personal growth and peace of mind.
This also means asserting yourself when someone disrespects you and addressing the behavior by stating that you will not tolerate it. Paula Janiak, a certified confidence coach, offered her social media followers a few things you could say to those who disrespect you without appearing aggressive.
Here are 10 phrases often used by people who refuse to tolerate disrespect:
1. 'Let's keep this conversation respectful.'
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Kindness is vital for healthy communication, even when disagreements arise. Use this phrase to steer conversations away from hurtful exchanges gently. This ensures respect remains at the forefront, even in heated discussions.
Steve Siegle, Psy. D., L.P.C., told the Mayo Clinic Health System that kindness is more than a behavior. It harbors a spirit of generosity, helpfulness, and respect and enhances our conversations with others.
It is human to have heated discussions with people we love. We may say things we do not mean and offend others. However, this does not mean they should tolerate it, nor should you.
Reacting with firm kindness keeps the conversation productive rather than escalating into a harmful shouting exchange in which you make disrespectful remarks you cannot take back.
Even when you disagree, you owe it to the other party to demonstrate respect for their feelings, opinions, and perspectives.
2. 'I’m open to discussion, but let's keep the tone respectful.'
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A respectful tone promotes a healthy dialogue where both parties feel safe. This phrase reminds others to maintain courtesy, preventing the conversation from escalating unnecessarily.
Similar to the first phrase, you don't deserve to be spoken to with disrespect during any conversation. You should be involved in conversations where you feel safe and valued by the other person.
The tone of voice plays a crucial role in effective and respectful communication. According to Everyday Speech, a warm and friendly tone can create a welcoming and inclusive environment. "Conversely, a harsh or dismissive tone can create barriers and hinder effective communication."
The people you are having a conversation with are more likely to respond better when you speak to them with a considerate tone in a respectful manner.
3. 'Can we take a break and revisit this later when we're calmer?'
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If you are having an intense conversation with someone and you notice their self-control slipping from their grasp — or even you slipping from yours — you are well within your rights to cease the conversation and return to it another time when you're less emotional. When emotions run high, taking a timeout can prevent saying things you might regret.
This phrase helps you pause the conversation, allowing both sides to regain composure and approach the discussion with clarity.
When you become upset, your emotions cloud your judgment, often leading to miscommunication. It's much easier to remain respectful when you are calm. It’s not worth losing someone close to you over something cruel and disrespectful said in the heat of the moment.
Move Therapy and Wellness explains that if you become more agitated during a conversation, you should pause and take deep breaths. This significantly impacts your psychological response to stress and anxiety, reduces your heart rate, and reduces negative thinking.
Taking time away from the conversation to calm yourself down can help you articulate your feelings, ultimately balancing the discussion.
4. 'I understand your point, but let's avoid hurtful language.'
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No matter how intense an exchange may become, you should never let anyone degrade or hurl insults at you using offensive language. Disagreements should remain civil, and this phrase helps shut down any attempts to belittle or insult. It emphasizes the importance of keeping the discussion constructive and free from personal attacks.
A bad situation will only get worse if you allow someone to speak to you in a cruel manner. Just because someone disagrees doesn't give them the right to insult you. Using insults often undermines their argument, which is called “ad hominem."
No matter how much you disagree with someone about a particular issue, keep the conversation respectful and fair, and avoid ad hominem at all costs.
"During these difficult times, it's critical to make sure that disagreement is done with civility and respect. And yes, given how passionate people are about the many issues, this is not easy to do," Glenn Geher, Ph.D., told Psychology Today. "As someone who is connected to all kinds of people with all kinds of views, I'm constantly working to make sure to tease apart the people from the ideologies that they support."
5. 'This is an important conversation, let's handle it with care.'
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This phrase encourages a respectful, thoughtful approach to sensitive discussions, ensuring that all perspectives are considered and boundaries are respected.
It's likely that the individual you're conversing with shares a similar enthusiasm for the topic at hand. Since it matters to both of you or multiple people who are part of the conversation, you owe it to each other to treat the discussion with the utmost respect.
Give each other space to express thoughts without interruption and make sure everyone has a chance to speak. Be open to different perspectives others may bring to the table.
Timing matters, too. Choose a moment when everyone can be present and focused without distractions. Most importantly, respect each person’s boundaries. If you show respect, others will likely do the same, keeping the conversation respectful and productive for everyone involved.
6. 'Let's have for a constructive conversation, not a confrontation.'
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Being constructive rather than confrontational in a discussion fosters positive change, collaboration, and open communication where both parties feel safe discussing a topic. Opt for a collaborative, solution-focused approach. This approach promotes respectful exchange and discourages the hostile tone that can harm relationships.
Confrontational approaches often escalate quickly and can damage relationships. Wanting to take a more constructive approach leaves room for empathy, open dialogue, and, most importantly, respect.
According to author Joyce Marter, LCPC, in her article for Choosing Therapy, leading a productive conversation involves using “I” statements to avoid an accusatory tone that may make others feel defensive. It is also important to ask questions that facilitate understanding of various viewpoints. Finally, provide feedback with respect and ensure you receive constructive feedback.
7. 'I'm open to hearing you out, but let's keep it fair.'
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While people certainly deserve to have their side heard loud and clear, you are also worthy of kindness and fairness. This phrase sets the expectation that both parties should be treated with kindness and fairness, creating an environment of mutual respect during difficult conversations.
Psychotherapist Dr. Janet Page highlights that not interrupting during conversations helps both parties feel acknowledged and valued. While rephrasing what you think the other person is expressing is beneficial, conflicts are not the right moment to impose your interpretations, complete their sentences, or dictate their feelings.
Assure them that their viewpoint and opinions matter, but yours are just as valid.
Keeping conversions kind and fair promotes healthy communication, prevents power imbalances, and fosters mutual understanding and respect for all parties.
8. 'I appreciate your viewpoint, but I also deserve respect.'
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This phrase addresses a subtle boundary regarding respect while acknowledging other people's viewpoints. Recognizing the other person's viewpoint while expressing your need for respect is essential for sustaining a balanced, dignified exchange.
Express appreciation for someone's perspective and convey that you are open to learning more about it and considering their viewpoint. At the same time, recognize that your feelings and dignity are important, and respect must be mutual.
“Respect is crucial for interpersonal relations as it improves self-worth and facilitates understanding," Sean O'Neill, LMFT, clinical director of Maple Moon Recovery, told Verywell Mind. "Respect from other people confirms [one’s] worth and enhances good self-views. This is vital to maintain peace and assurance in oneself in both private and business spheres."
In essence, you are letting others know, “I hear and value what you're saying, but my feelings and needs are important, too. I expect to be treated with the same consideration and respect you seek.”
9. 'Can we rephrase that so it's respectful for both of us?'
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This phrase is a polite request to reframe something that is said to demonstrate respect and consideration for both parties. Instead of pointing out disrespect outright, offer a chance to reframe the conversation. This will maintain respect and ensure that both parties feel heard.
Instead of saying, "You said this wrong" or "That's not okay," you're offering a chance to work together to improve the conversation. The goal is to keep the discussion productive and respectful for both sides.
Words are powerful, and how we say things matters more than we often realize. By suggesting a better, more respectful way to express thoughts, you ensure everyone’s feelings are considered and promote mutual respect in the process.
10. 'I'm here to resolve this, but hostility won't be tolerated.'
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This phrase clarifies that you're committed to finding a solution but will not accept hostile or aggressive behavior. While you remain open-minded to hearing the opinions of other parties, you are willing to resolve things while setting clear expectations for the interaction. Setting boundaries here ensures a productive, respectful conversation.
This phrase ensures a productive and respectful tone while clarifying that hostility and hurtful language are unacceptable.
Bill Eddy, LCSW, JD, wrote in an article published in Psychology Today that there are two effective ways to prevent hostility from entering the conversation and ensure you receive the respect you deserve. If you notice the other party becoming hostile, you can give them a verbal warning. This can look like, "If you keep talking this way, I'll have to end the conversation." You can cease the conversation immediately if the person continues with hostile behavior. Do not pick up the discussion until they can prove that they can extend respect to you.
Megan Quinn is a staff writer with a bachelor's degree in English and a minor in Creative Writing. She covers news and lifestyle topics that focus on justice in the workplace, personal relationships, parenting debates, and the human experience.