11 Phrases Brilliant People Use When They Refuse To Tolerate Disrespect
Don't let people walk all over you in conversations.
Jacob Lund | Shutterstock.com You can never truly control someone else’s behavior or force them to treat you with respect, whether you’re in a personal relationship or navigating unhealthy connections at work, but with the right boundaries and conversational tactics, you can protect yourself from the self-doubt and feelings of insecurity the most disrespectful people are urging you to take on.
As confidence coach Michele Molitor suggests, responding to disrespectful behavior doesn’t have to mean fighting “fire with fire.” Instead of stooping down to their level, feeding into their insecurities and misguided feelings of superiority, try leveraging the phrases brilliant people use when they refuse to tolerate disrespect to spark self-reflection in hurtful people. By setting boundaries, communicating your expectations, and calling out their disrespect, you protect your own emotional well-being without sacrificing compassion and empathy.
Here are 11 phrases brilliant people use when they refuse to tolerate disrespect
1. ‘I don’t let people speak to me this way’
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Not every person who disrespects you has malicious intentions, sometimes it’s simply a misunderstanding. It's helpful to combat this with a phrase that reminds others of our conversational expectations and boundaries.
Leading with empathy and compassion while giving them grace and a chance to fix their behavior, this phrase reminds people that you’re not afraid to communicate and advocate for your expectations.
If they continue to disrespect you over and over with the same behaviors, it might be time to consider creating space or reasserting a stricter boundary to protect your emotional well-being.
2. ‘I value our conversations, but let’s keep it kind’
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Experts from the University of Minnesota agree that it’s not always comfortable to be an advocate for yourself, but in conversations where you’re being constantly disrespected, your self-esteem can easily suffer.
By using a phrase like this to remind people that you appreciate their input and value them in conversations, you can ensure you’re not immediately sparking a defensive attitude in someone with disrespectful tendencies. Leading with empathy and compassion will almost always give someone a chance to change their behavior — leading to more fulfilling relationships and productive conversations.
3. ‘I’d be happy to discuss this with a respectful tone’
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Caught up in the heat of an argument or the intense emotions of a conflict, it can be easy to fall into unhealthy habits — making hurtful comments we regret and quickly shifting a conversation towards unproductive. A phrase like this gives everyone a chance to breathe, creating space for self-reflection, even if it’s just for a few moments, and encouraging more thoughtful responses, rather than defensiveness and disrespect.
Many of the phrases brilliant people use when they refuse to tolerate disrespect revolve around basic empathy, understanding that not every hurtful comment we receive is a direct target against us, but that people dealing with stress, anxiety, and emotional turmoil seek a place to let their uncomfortable emotions out.
Even if the person you’re speaking to isn’t receptive to a phrase like this, we can take space for ourselves, coming back to the conversation when we feel more respected and comfortable.
4. ‘Let’s revisit this when you’re ready to be respectful’
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A study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin argues that alone time can be incredibly beneficial for emotional regulation, especially following intense conversations and conflicts. When we urge people to take a step back from conversations that aren’t serving them, with a phrase like this, we create space for necessary self-reflection that can add value to future relationships and conversations.
At the end of the day, everyone wants to feel heard and valued in conversations. When someone is being disrespectful, those basic feelings of understanding tend to go unnoticed, encouraging people to withdraw and adopt self-doubt.
When they have a chance to think about what they need, including the best way to communicate those things, everyone is happier and feels more fulfilled.
5. ‘Is something wrong? You seem upset’
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While a phrase like this is generally intended to call attention to disrespectful behavior or tone in a conversation, giving the person a chance to apologize or reflect, it can also be an important vehicle for vulnerability.
If someone is distracted by uncomfortable emotions, stress, or fear in a conversation, they may be more likely to make hurtful comments or unknowingly disrespect others with closed off nonverbal cues, but a phrase like this can encourage them to open up.
As relationship and communication expert Barton Goldsmith explains, people who consistently suppress their emotions, rather than communicating them with others, tend to lash out at others without realizing it, sabotaging their connections and conversations over time. By reminding them that you understand and see their struggles, you can simultaneously make space for them to share without having to grapple with the internal emotional turmoil of their disrespect.
6. ‘I hear you, but let’s avoid the hurtful comments’
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As experts from Princeton University argue, finding common ground and communicating your values isn’t just powerful in productive and healthy conversations, but also in combating disrespect in toxic ones. When someone says something hurtful, don’t let it fly under the radar, instead “call it in” and name the disrespect you’re experiencing.
Even if you’re bringing attention to a comment or behavior that’s hurtful to you, it doesn’t need to be maliciously — sparking defensiveness or negative emotions — it can simply contextualize a person’s disrespect, giving them a chance to clarify misunderstandings or apologize.
Before you pass judgment on others in a state of hurt, communicate what you’re feeling and give other people a chance to relay the sense of value and understanding you’re offering them in a conversation.
7. ‘This conversation is important, so let’s approach it with care’
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Especially in a conversation with someone you intend to have a long-term relationship with, it’s important to communicate your needs and intentions. Whether you’re having a vulnerable conversation about boundaries, resolving a conflict, or talking about your day, remind people what you expect and how you’d prefer they best listen and make space for you.
At the bare minimum, everyone should feel comfortable expressing their emotions in a conversation, being listened to without judgment and celebrated in demanding respect. By using a phrase like this to communicate your needs and expectations, you make space for people to show up in a way that’s beneficial for you.
8. ‘Let’s try to be constructive, not confrontational’
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When there are a lot of emotions and unnecessary anxiety in a conversation, it can quickly transform into a confrontation, rather than a constructive discussion. Without clear expectations and boundaries to get everyone back on the same page, disrespect flourishes.
That’s exactly why the phrases brilliant people use when they refuse to tolerate disrespect are founded on clarity — giving everyone a chance to reflect on their own language, find shared interests and common goals, and communicate how they’re feeling and what they need.
So, whether you’re having a discussion at work or resolving an argument with your partner, honest communication and clarity is the best way to advocate for yourself and cultivate a space where everyone feels heard, valued, and appreciated.
9. ‘I appreciate your thoughts, but I also deserve respect’
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Everyone deserves to feel appreciated and heard in a conversation, even when there’s differing opinions or intense emotions. By reminding people that they’re listening and open to empathetic conversation, brilliant people use phrases like this to also advocate for themselves.
Healthy conversations are a two-way street. We listen and we speak. We give grace and expect it from others. We dish out respect and get it in return. Sometimes, it takes communicating those expectations openly to find a comfortable balance in conversations, but brilliant people with their best interests in mind don’t shy away from doing so.
10. ‘Can you rephrase that in a way that’s respectful for both of us’
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As expert negotiator Cindy Watson argues, receiving and giving respect isn’t just productive for personal conversations, but nuanced professional ones, as well. It’s not uncommon, in her line of work, to enter into conversations with unbalanced power dynamics of feelings of fear and anxiety — making basic respect a struggle.
However, these same imbalances can be present in our own personal relationships, as well, encouraging us to let disrespect go unnoticed at the expense of our emotional and mental wellbeing. With a phrase like this, you can directly ask for the respect you deserve, even amid a hostile or unproductive environment.
If someone responds negatively, you have the option to remove yourself or set a boundary, and if they’re open to apologizing or clarifying their language, you can move forward in a healthier way.
11. ‘I want to work this out with you, but I don’t tolerate hostility’
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By reminding the person you’re speaking with that you’re on the same team, with shared goals, interests, and motivations, you can't demand respect from a place of empathy and understanding.
Rather than encouraging conversations to take on a competitive tone, work together to make sure you both feel heard and valued, communicating what you need, setting boundaries, and clarifying misunderstandings as they come up.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a staff writer with a bachelor’s degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.