Chronically Unhappy Men Do These 11 Things That Well-Adjusted Guys Avoid
Learn simple changes that can be made for a happier, healthier life.
GaudiLab | Shutterstock These days, it's common to encounter chronically unhappy men. Many of them spend their time online making inappropriate posts to provoke reactions from others — engaging in trolling to stir discontent and incite arguments in the comments section. Unfortunately, their 'got you' moments often fail to resonate, leaving these individuals feeling even more miserable and isolated.
Chronically unhappy men tend to engage in behaviors that well-adjusted men avoid, making them increasingly prone to more mental health issues over time. To prevent this, here are the toxic behaviors that unhappy men engage in and why these behaviors are damaging in the first place.
Chronically unhappy men do these 11 things that well-adjusted guys avoid:
1. Chronically unhappy men focus too much on the negative.
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Chronically unhappy men focus too much energy on the negatives compared to well-adjusted guys. Consumed by toxic social media platforms such as Twitter or Instagram, these men allow other people's opinions to sway their thoughts and, by extension, their happiness.
However, that isn’t the only place where unhappy men get their negative line of thinking from. As it stands, some men can’t handle daily stressors and, as a result, focus too much on the negative, causing their anxiety to get increasingly worse.
One study published in Cognitive Therapy and Research found that too much negative thinking often leads to anxiety and depression.
Knowing this, chronically unhappy men should follow the example of well-adjusted guys and find ways to express their negative emotions in a healthy way. Otherwise, it might just hurt them more in the end.
2. They hold grudges over small issues, which impacts their mental health.
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If there’s one thing chronically unhappy men do that well-adjusted guys avoid, it’s hold grudges for minor things. Whether it’s a girl's rejection or a teacher's scolding, these unhappy men don’t know how to avoid holding grudges.
As a result, while some men might secretly be fuming in their room, other men take it a step too far and degrade the person who hurt them. Using anger, insults, or that person's insecurities, unhappy men allow their emotions to get the better of them. Not only that, they continue to hold these grudges for seemingly years while the other person moves on and forgets it ever happened in the first place.
Unfortunately, not only does holding grudges make for a disaster, but it also impacts their mental health for the worse.
On the flip side, letting go of anger and learning to forgive is excellent for men's mental health. A study in 2022 found that forgiveness decreases anger, anxiety, and depression while increasing self-esteem and hopefulness for the future.
So, if someone close is unhappy, try to suggest better outlets. Going to therapy or journaling might be a great way to start.
3. They frequently compare themselves to other people.
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They say comparison is the thief of joy, and professionals would likely agree. A 2022 study indicates that upward social media comparisons can lead to adverse psychological outcomes, including low self-esteem and depression.
Even so, chronically unhappy men don’t care about how this impacts their health and, as a result, avoid doing the inner work by simply continuing with harmful habits.
What should chronically unhappy men do if they genuinely want to get better but don’t know how to?
Physician Susan Biali Haas, M.D., suggested that it's essential first to identify what triggers them. Then, compile a list and assess why they negatively affect you and, most importantly, why this comparison wastes time.
Will this be easy? No, doing the inner work is never simple. However, if a man truly desires to be well-adjusted, then, like it or not, some reflection is necessary.
4. They suppress their emotions, hurting their long-term mental health.
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Understandably, expressing emotions can be challenging. For various reasons, both men and women find it difficult to be vulnerable and, as a result, suppress their feelings until they seemingly implode.
However, where does emotional suppression get unhappy men in the long run? According to a study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, not very far. Researchers found that suppressing negative emotions only leaves the negative emotions intact while simultaneously decreasing the experiences of positive emotions.
Despite this, unhappy men hide their emotions even though they understand it harms them. So, what can unhappy men do besides sitting with those uncomfortable emotions?
Finding a support group is a good start. Whether with friends, family, or by reaching out to a school counselor, finding a safe environment to express vulnerabilities is essential. However, if unhappy men feel too shy to go in person, they can consider doing it online. Many apps provide affordable services where people can call or text a therapist if they’re uncomfortable in person.
5. They lack purpose and don't set goals for themselves.
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There’s nothing more disappointing than encountering someone who lacks goals or a sense of purpose in life. While this may sound sentimental, everyone possesses a gift or talent that can positively influence them.
Unfortunately, chronically unhappy men lack goals or purpose and, as a result, are increasingly likely to suffer from mental health problems. A report in 2022 found that half of young adults reported that their mental health was negatively influenced as a result of not knowing what to do in life.
Even so, chronically unhappy men often do not take accountability or find ways to uplift themselves. Unfortunately, many chronically unhappy men attribute their inaction to their circumstances, leading them to remain stuck in the same old place.
6. They resist change, preventing personal growth.
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Now, understandably, everyone dislikes change. Like it or not, the fact remains that people’s brains are hardwired to resist it. According to Emerson Human Capital, the amygdala perceives change as a threat and, as a result, releases hormones that trigger fear or flight, causing people to oppose change.
Even so, change is necessary to thrive and grow in life. That said, one thing unhappy men do that well-adjusted guys avoid is resisting change.
Most people don’t want to hear this, but to make anything work, one must be open-minded. For example, if a man’s partner needs him to step up and contribute more to household chores, refusing to change and repeating the same old patterns would harm the relationship.
Despite this, unhappy men will likely continue avoiding change, which requires reflective work. However, due to their harmful actions — whether intended or not — consequences often follow, leading them from unhappiness to potential depression.
7. They avoid challenging themselves.
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Another thing unhappy men do that well-adjusted guys avoid is taking on challenges. Unfortunately, most unhappy men consider challenging themselves a waste of time. Satisfied with their current situation, they feel no need to advance or improve themselves.
As a result, whenever challenges do come knocking at their doorstep, unhappy men don’t know what to do with themselves. They aren't sure if they should keep pushing forward or if the challenge might need another set of hands.
Furthermore, they've never been pushed before, and because of this, they don't know how to deal with the crumpling anxiety that comes along with facing challenges head-on.
All this combined leads to chronically unhappy men who don't know how to control their emotions, causing them to make terrible mistakes along the way.
8. They neglect their physical health.
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One habit of chronically unhappy men that well-adjusted guys tend to avoid is neglecting their physical health.
Believe it or not, neglecting physical health doesn’t only affect the body. A study conducted in 2024 found that consuming junk food increases people's risk of developing depression. Consequently, unhappy men adopt poor, unhealthy lifestyles without fully realizing their impact on them, leading to dissatisfaction in the first place.
To avoid this, unhappy men should take thirty minutes to engage in physical activity. Even walking is better for their mental health than staying still.
Meal prepping is crucial. Unfortunately, consuming fast food at night can negatively impact mental and physical health. Therefore, utilizing modern gadgets like an Instapot will simplify home cooking and save money, which many people can benefit from today.
9. They're escapists, fueling their unhappiness.
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Have you ever met a man obsessed with video games? While there’s nothing wrong with playing video games, indulging excessively in escapism is something that unhappy men tend to do and well-adjusted men tend to avoid.
It should go without saying that overindulging is bad for anyone, including men who feel chronically unhappy.
For instance, a 2019 study found that playing violent video games could lead to heightened aggressive thoughts and actions. However, discontented men frequently struggle to find healthy outlets, leading them to excessively engage in harmful hobbies to meet their fundamental needs for stimulation and social interaction.
To avoid this, unhappy men should seriously consider going to therapy to address their overindulgence problems. Depending on the severity, seeking professional help for issues such as gaming addiction may be necessary to break unhealthy patterns and lead a healthy life.
10. They self isolate.
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Human beings are social creatures that need social interaction to thrive. Because of this, people experience an increase in their happiness or mental health when they engage in simple activities like communicating or hugging a family member. Unfortunately, one behavior that chronically unhappy men exhibit, which well-adjusted guys tend to avoid, is self-isolation.
Many men don’t do this intentionally — without a social support group, these men feel they have no choice but to self-isolate. Consequently, their mental health significantly deteriorates as unhappy men struggle to form meaningful connections.
Fortunately, in the age of social media, there are supportive groups for men that promote mental health and direct them to valuable resources.
However, engaging in a hobby is another great option if that's not up their alley. Photography, sports, and art classes are readily available, and making friends doing what they love is another great way for unhappy men to find meaningful connections.
11. They avoid accountability, damaging their potential for personal growth.
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Finally, the last thing that chronically unhappy men do, which well-adjusted guys avoid, is to shirk accountability for their actions. Unfortunately, many unhappy men refuse to take responsibility because it directly clashes with their ego.
These men, unwilling to admit their mistakes, will go to great lengths to justify their wrongful actions in questionable ways. However, engaging in this kind of behavior will solely hinder their personal growth and negatively affect their relationships.
Whether or not they want to admit it, playing the blame game only hurts the other person, making them feel unheard and misunderstood. This combination might lead to resentment, the primary way to end any relationship.
So, if unhappy men want to be well-adjusted, learning to set their pride aside is essential. Otherwise, they may hurt themselves and those around them.
Marielisa Reyes is a writer with a bachelor's in psychology who covers self-help, relationships, career, family, and astrology topics.