Entrepreneur Claims That Married Men With Working Wives Have 'Failed' As Husbands
"I will not allow anyone on social media to gaslight me or anyone else into believing that you need a dual-income household."
oneinchpunch | Shutterstock Dual-income households, with and without kids, are pretty standard nowadays, but one man is arguing that a wife working is an affront to the natural order. In fact, he went so far as to say that married men who have working wives have "failed" as providers, which is obviously a ridiculously outdated concept that disregards the fact that women are autonomous and have a say in the matter.
While some people praised the man for his beliefs, others claimed that he is severely out of touch with reality, both in his traditional approach to marriage and family and the economic reality of surviving on a single income.
An entrepreneur argued that men who ‘want’ their wives to work have ‘failed’ as husbands.
Jarek Lewis took to TikTok to call out husbands with wives working outside the home, urging them to step up.“If your wife works, I just wanna let you know as a man, you have failed,” Lewis declared. “Now, it's one thing to both be working towards a life where you can allow her to not work, and you're just on your way there. But it's another thing to want your wife to work, which a ton of you on this platform do, and I don't understand it.”
The entrepreneur went so far as to say that husbands who allow their wives to return to work after having a child should be especially ashamed of themselves.
“You make her go on maternity leave, enjoy all of the positive things of being a stay-at-home mother, and then make her go back to work. Why?” he asked. “Just so you can afford a few more toys? So you can afford your truck?” He should have stopped there. He didn't stop there. “Come on. You're gonna have other people raise your children and make memories with your children rather than you or their mother because you want shiny toys?”
Ummm ... maybe she wants to go back to work ... maybe she wants her own money to buy her own shiny new truck ... maybe what happens in other people's marriages is none of your business ...
This might throw Lewis into a tailspin, but a 2023 survey commissioned by Careers After Babies found that 98% of women want to go back to work after maternity leave. Unfortunately, the same data showed that due to the costs of childcare, 13% of those women can't afford to resume their careers.
Studio Romantic | Shutterstock
The entrepreneur made the sweeping assumption that most families could get by on a single income.
“Both people have to work if you need to pay for daycare, but if you don't need to pay for daycare, one income can do it,” he asserted, adding that if one income wasn't enough to support a family, then they are likely living outside their means.
“You're buying things you can't afford. You're doing things other than advancing your career and finding a way to make more money,” Lewis assumed. “This, like everything else in life, is a skill issue. If you're a man and you think you need your woman to work or that you need her income, that is a skill issue.”
He declared that no one on any social media platform would “gaslight” him into thinking that both spouses must work to afford to live comfortably. Lewis ignited both backlash and support for his sweeping generalization, which is why his argument is so flawed in the first place. Just because a woman is a stay-at-home mom does not mean her spouse has succeeded as a husband, and it certainly does not mean that her family is better than any other family. It simply means that it was the right choice for her. It's all about choice.
Some people supported Lewis' statements, insisting that they could manage on just a husband's income.
“My boyfriend only makes $20 an hour and I’ve stayed home with our daughter since she was born. She’s almost 4. We don’t have extra money but we make it work. It's possible if you manage money right,” one TikTok user commented. “This is totally possible if you live in a reasonable cost of living state and live within your means, not over-spend. Totally agree as a stay-at-home mom!” another user shared.
“I stay home and raise our kids. Society tells us that we need to put our kids in daycare so that a stranger can raise them and it’s really weird,” another revealed.
However, others pointed out that there could be perfectly valid reasons that both spouses work, and it has nothing to do with the husband being a failure.
As stated, many women want to work while being moms. In fact, the number of mothers participating in the labor force continues to increase. In 2023, 68.9% of mothers with children under age 6 worked, and 77.8% of moms with kids between 6 and 17 were earning their own money.
Additionally, from an economic standpoint, some families simply cannot get by on just one income. The cost of living has substantially increased, with an average cost-of-living adjustment (COLA) of around 2.6% over the past twenty years. This means that the prices of everyday goods and services have increased with the rise of inflation.
Jacob Lund | Shutterstock
Even if one parent wants to stay at home with the kids 24/7, it is not always financially practical. They may have to sacrifice some time away from their kids and send them to daycare if it means they can afford food, housing, and basic necessities. Not every family has the same financial privilege as another might, and it certainly does not mean that a husband is failing at his role.
A husband could very well go above and beyond for his wife every day, but the need for both partners to work all depends on their financial realities or personal goals. At the end of the day, a wife who works makes the choice to work, and a wife who stays home makes the choice to stay home. Lewis can have his opinion, and if it works for him and his family, that's great. Maybe he should simply be happy with that.
Megan Quinn is a staff writer with a bachelor's degree in English and a minor in Creative Writing. She covers news and lifestyle topics that focus on justice in the workplace, personal relationships, parenting debates, and the human experience.