Husband Refuses To Help His Wife With Household Responsibilities After She Quit Her Job To Become A Stay-At-Home Mom
"I'm full of anger and resentment right now."
PeopleImages.com - Yuri A | Shutterstock All involved parties must be on the same page when it comes to parenthood expectations and the division household labor. One man on Reddit admitted that he and his wife have been struggling on this front and questioned if he was wrong for refusing to help around the house.
The man refused to help his wife with household responsibilities after she quit her job to become a stay-at-home mom.
"I have been with my wife for four years, married for one," the 28-year-old man shared. "I'm an electrician and she is an accountant. I make about $60,000 a year and she makes about $55,000."
Recently the pair welcomed their first child into the world. His wife took the maximum amount of maternity leave that her job offered and planned to go back to work after six months at home. However, when the time came, she was not ready to leave her child.
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"My wife told me that she would feel guilt and sadness if we put our child in daycare, therefore, she wants to stay home with him," he recounted, adding that he suggested therapy instead, but she was "very persistent."
Since his wife would not be returning to work, it fell onto the man to work longer hours to compensate for his wife's lack of income. Rather than 45 hours a week, he would be working at least 10 hours a day.
"I told my wife how grueling it would be and she tried convincing me by saying I must sacrifice for our child and she would do all the child care and housework and I wouldn't have to do anything around the house," he wrote. "Even without any housework it is still very extreme but I reluctantly agreed because I felt like I had no choice."
His wife quit her job but quickly became overwhelmed with the work required of a stay-at-home parent.
While many on the outside view stay-at-home parenting as an easy job, that's far from the truth. As the Redditor's wife quickly discovered, it is a demanding position that lacks the breaks and support of a traditional job. In fact, a 2024 poll of parents found that 87% of stay-at-home parents without other sources of childcare experience increased stress, with a negative impact on their mental health.
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"During the first month or so, my wife kept her word and took care of the housework but then she started expecting me to help her around the house," the Redditor shared. "I would remind her of our agreement and she would look annoyed but move on and do it herself."
"Two days ago she told [me] that she is tired and wants me to make dinner and I flat out refused and told her she is breaking her promise and I made it very clear that she shouldn't expect ANYTHING from me when it comes to housework," he continued. "She looked furious but she got up and made dinner and since then she has been giving me the silence treatment."
He admitted that he is angry and resentful toward his wife for making him take on extra work, "breaking her promise," and attempting to manipulate him through the silent treatment.
To move forward, the pair must address the building resentment and reevaluate their system.
It's clear his wife didn't expect the transition to stay-at-home mom to be so drastic or exhausting. Their current parenting plan isn't working so they must have an honest conversation and consider the alternatives.
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“I think you both need to sit down and clear the air when it comes to grievances or your built-up resentment toward each other is going to tank your relationship,” one commenter wrote. “I would suggest she look into [work from home] or a part-time job to help monetarily so that you’re able to cut back some hours and help around the house.”
Nia Tipton is a staff writer with a bachelor’s degree in creative writing and journalism who covers news and lifestyle topics that focus on psychology, relationships, and the human experience.