11 Low-Energy Habits Of People Who Can't Seem To Get Their Lives Together
Not everyone has their life in order, and it's evident by the way they act.
Galina-Photo | Shutterstock Everyone is on their own trajectory, which means that measuring your life against someone else's does more harm than good. No matter how put-together someone seems from the outside looking in, we all have inconsistencies and imperfections. Acknowledging your flaws is a key part of accepting yourself, but defining yourself by those flaws will keep you stuck on paths that no longer serve you.
The low-energy habits of people who can't seem to get their lives together are often fueled by inertia and fear of the unknown. It's not easy to break free from old patterns, yet diving deep and taking on some serious self-reflection can guide the way to a more wholehearted life.
Here are 11 low-energy habits of people who can't seem to get their lives together
1. They're not grateful for what they have
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Falling into the comparison trap is part of being human, but the longer you immerse yourself in the things you're lacking, the less able you are to find gratitude for everything you have.
According to author David Ahearn, expressing gratitude for all the seemingly insignificant details of daily life can have a major impact on your happiness. Focusing on what's missing is just another way to worry about the parts of life you can't control. If you only think about what you don't have, you're bound to get bogged down by a scarcity mindset, which makes it even harder to appreciate your life for what it is now.
Ahearn offered an accessible solution, noting that "If we only shift our perception away from worrying about the 'big' things with which we have little to no control, we make space to celebrate the 'small' things that we most certainly have some impact to enjoy."
"We all have things we love — big and small, but many times we fail to acknowledge or give thanks for such things," he continued. "One of the secrets of the Universe is that the more we give thanks for what we have, the more things that aren't currently in our reality soon materialize before our very eyes."
2. They overlook small wins
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People with low-energy habits tend to set outsized goals that aren't actually accessible, which only sets them up for failure. Setting small goals that they can take step-by-step is a healthier and gentler way to get their lives together.
According to psychologist BJ Fogg, acknowledging progress helps people follow through on their goals. He advocates for the power of celebration to make new habits stick. With any change, staying consistent is hard, and it gets even harder if you ignore your little wins.
Your celebration doesn't have to be extravagant or public; it can be as simple as congratulating yourself or affirming how hard you've been working. Whatever you choose, it should make you feel good and let you revel in your success.
Fogg calls these celebratory activities "feeling shine," as they illuminate how far you've come. Small wins are like pocket-sized glow-ups you can carry with you at all times to remind yourself how amazing you really are.
3. They think they're too busy to follow their dreams
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A low-energy habit of people who can't seem to get their lives together is holding onto the belief that they're too busy to follow their dreams. Their fear keeps them stagnant. It's not that they don't have dreams; rather, the idea of trying and failing is too overwhelming to even consider. They make excuses about how busy they are, so they can stay in the relative safety of their worn-out comfort zones.
People who can't get their lives together are scared of discomfort, yet discomfort is actually a sign they're changing for the better. There will always be an endless list of household chores, work projects, and other unavoidable tasks, but putting your dreams aside will only leave you resentful and unfulfilled.
4. They blame everyone else for their problems
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Society's deeply-ingrained structural inequities are undeniable. Life is never truly fair. Yet casting blame everywhere else but themselves holds people back. It stops them from becoming self-actualized, stunting their emotional growth.
Relationship coach Jordan Gray explained how blaming others for how your life unfolds keeps you from growing as a person.
"When we blame other people for aspects of our lives, we shrug off the tough work of taking responsibility for ourselves," he shared. "At a certain point in your journey, after feeling your feelings and taking a higher degree of responsibility for yourself, it is a necessary step to look into and dissect what stories you carry about yourself and the world around you."
"Once you understand what stories your core wounds are projecting onto the world around you, you will then be in a position to comb out the metaphorical knots in your psyche and see the world as it actually is, as opposed to seeing it as your pain has convinced you it is," Gray concluded.
Healing is a process, one that's far from being linear. When people who can't seem to get their lives together take responsibility for their own lives, they reclaim their agency in a powerful and transformative way.
5. They get caught up in past mistakes
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It's one thing to hold yourself accountable for what you've done wrong, and something else entirely to live in the past and define yourself by your flaws.
Psychologist Nick Wignall pointed out that dwelling on the past makes it hard for people to trust themselves. While constructive self-reflection can help you get your life together, compulsive rumination keeps you from forgiving yourself and moving on.
"Healthy reflection leads to new insights and behavior change," he explained. "Unhealthy rumination keeps going and going without actually resulting in any benefit... Take responsibility for your mistakes, of course. And learn from them if you can. But after that, have the courage and self-compassion to let them go and get on with your life."
People who can't seem to get their lives together would rather stay in the comfortable familiarity of past mistakes than take any chances that might lead to new mistakes. As Wignall concluded, "Live your life going forward, not in reverse."
6. They avoid hard conversations
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Avoidance is tricky. It might seem like ignoring issues makes life easier, but in reality, all that empty space makes your problems feel overwhelming, like they're too big to handle.
Leadership advisor and "teamwork doctor" Liane Davey offered an outline for how to approach hard conversations, starting with providing context and sharing your perspective. She noted that the best way to deescalate tension is to avoid making absolute statements and to "use language that promotes a two-way dialogue."
After you've said your piece, the next step is to stay curious and ask for clarification. Davey revealed that effective questions "should be open-ended to broaden the conversation and deepen the connection." She pointed out that truly active, empathic listening requires people to do more than just hear the words being said; they also need to "listen beneath that for what emotions are emerging."
When people who can't seem to get their lives together do the hard work of having uncomfortable conversations, they prove to themselves just how capable they are.
7. They don't plan ahead
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There's something to be said for spontaneity, but leaving yourself wide open to the whims of an often chaotic world can make you feel like you can't find your center.
Not planning ahead is a great way to get in your own way. Disorganization leads to missed deadlines, extra stress, and an intense sense of panic and pressure. While you don't have to make a 5-year plan, jotting down daily to-do lists is a simple, accessible approach to planning ahead.
Adulting isn't easy. There will always be things that slip through the cracks, but planning ahead keeps unwanted surprises to a minimum. Cultivating a healthy balance between an "anything goes" attitude and keeping a schedule can help people manage what used to feel completely unmanageable.
8. They multitask
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People with low-energy habits who can't seem to get their lives together answer important emails while scrolling through social media and wonder why there are so many typos. They write reports for work while cooking dinner, only to end up with spaghetti sauce splattered all over their essential documents.
They swear they can juggle everything at one time, but according to Anthony Wagner, a psychology professor at Stanford University, multitasking is a myth. "We don't multitask," he said. "We task switch. The word 'multitasking' implies that you can do two or more things at once, but in reality our brains only allow us to do one thing at a time and we have to switch back and forth."
His extensive research has revealed "the negative relationship between multitasking and performance on sustained attention tasks." When people multitask, their attention is divided, so that they don't do a good job on either task.
People who can't seem to get out their lives together would benefit from taking a step back and slowing down. Doing one thing at a time might feel like a drag, but it's a key part of being consistent and actually hitting the mark.
9. They don't take time to rest
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While it might seem counterintuitive, pressing pause is entirely necessary for long-term success, especially when you're overwhelmed by everything you have to get done. People who struggle to keep it together let the rushing tide of their to-do lists overtake them. Swimming to shore before the water rises above their heads is a much more sustainable approach.
Therapist Gloria Brame revealed that letting yourself rest is a crucial part of true self-care, which is what keeps people sustained in tough times.
"The optimal goal of self-care is to build your internal resources for dealing with life's stresses," she explained. "Sleeping well, getting a restful nap, making sure to move your body throughout the day, practicing gratitude, and making time for meditation all help your body and mind feel more vigorous and alive — and help you weather problems that life may throw your way."
Pushing through exhaustion only makes fatigue settle in even deeper. Waiting until you're in the throes of extreme burnout makes healing harder than it needs to be. Resting is more than a productivity boost; it's also a way to show yourself how much you care about yourself.
10. They stay trapped in toxic relationships
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A low-energy habit of people who can't seem to get their lives together is staying trapped in toxic relationships. It might not be easy to untangle yourself from someone who doesn't have your best interests at heart, but you deserve to be surrounded by people who lift you up, instead of people who tear you down.
According to transformational leader Christy Whitman, removing yourself from emotionally draining relationships requires shifting your energy to fill your own cup, first.
"Redefine the way you think about people who drain your energy," she advised. "Focus on the one thing you can always control within your sphere of influence — how, where, and to whom you give your energy... Remember you have the ability, the right, and the personal responsibility to honor your needs and desires above those of everyone else."
11. They don't have a daily routine
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Humans thrive on structure, which is one reason why having a roadmap for everyday existence is such a powerful tool. Cultivating a daily routine can nourish people's inner spirit and keep them connected to their deeper purpose, whatever it may be.
According to licensed mental health counselor Steve Alexander, Jr., having a daily routine can stabilize your mental health. A primary routine involves the activities of everyday living: Brushing your teeth, showering, and keeping yourself fed and hydrated. Secondary routines outline your larger life goals and the things that nourish your soul: Staying in touch with friends, listening to your favorite album, unwinding after work with whatever hobby you choose.
Getting your life together is never an instantaneous, one-time event. It's a process that ebbs and flows. The more you align yourself to your authentic self, the more you'll feel like you're living the life you've always wanted.
Alexandra Blogier, MFA, is a staff writer who covers psychology, social issues, relationships, self-help topics, and human interest stories.