Former Pick-Me Girl Says Men Are Mad & Lonely Because They Taught Women Not To Even Expect The Bare Minimum
The bar's been in hell, and you’re still doing the limbo.
Fizkes | Shutterstock If you're looking for love, logging onto a dating app might have you reexamining the benefits of a single life. Okay, that's extreme, but as Shakespeare wrote, "The course of true love never did run smooth," and as it turns out, not much has changed since the 16th century. Dating is hard, and as it turns out, men are making it worse for both themselves and the women who want to date them.
In a viral TikTok post that has women everywhere clutching their pearls, Ashtyn — formerly known as a "Pick-Me" girl — shined a brutally honest light on the modern dating scene. With wit sharper than a serrated knife and a dose of self-reflection that might make you want to take notes, Ashtyn talked about how the bar for men's behavior has sunk so low that it’s practically underground, and yet, men still can’t manage to meet it. The real kicker? It’s all their own fault.
A former pick-me girl argued that single men are 'mad and lonely' and they have no one to blame but themselves.
If you were to ask Ashtyn, a self-proclaimed "former pick-me girl," what went wrong between men and women, she’d give you a rundown that’s equal parts funny, relatable, and a little too real. According to her, it all comes down to one simple yet soul-crushing fact: Men have failed to meet even the most basic expectations in relationships. And now, they’re surprised that women have started to demand more than crumbs.
As Ashtyn put it, “The bar was in hell.” While men have been busy limbo-dancing with the devil, women have slowly started to raise their standards — mainly because the baseline has become so ridiculously low that it’s borderline offensive. To quote her: “Men are mad and lonely because they taught us not to expect even the bare minimum.”
So, what does the bare minimum look like? According to Ashtyn, it’s as simple as this: being kind. Yep, that’s it. Being kind to someone you supposedly like should be a given, yet for many women (including Ashtyn, at one point), it was enough to make their hearts flutter.
And here’s the kicker: that kindness was often so rare that it was celebrated like a special gift. “One good experience would have been enough,” Ashtyn reflected, acknowledging how low the standards were set in the past.
Going from a 'pick-me' to a 'take me seriously' girl changed her whole perspective on love and relationships.
Before her emotional and personal growth, Ashtyn was what she described as a "pick-me girl" — someone who's desperately trying to be the one a guy picks, often at the expense of their own well-being. They’d put up with emotional neglect, mental gymnastics, and sometimes even outright abuse just for a scrap of affection.
But then something changed. She realized that being a pick-me wasn’t doing her any favors and started focusing on herself. She even started going to therapy (yes, therapy is the answer), where she learned to love herself — something that is apparently a revolutionary concept in a world where the bare minimum gets a round of applause.
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Ashtyn admitted that it started with the idea that “maybe I’ll get better, and then a man will love me,” but eventually, she discovered that men’s love was no longer the goal.
"And then I really, really did start to love myself," she said. Fast-forward two years of therapy, and now she’s confidently disgusted by the average man’s overwhelming lack of effort. Talk about a glow-up.
Here's the thing: The world is changing, and women are changing it. Men aren't keeping up, however. The numbers don't lie. The loneliness epidemic among men is soaring. Research has found that men struggle to maintain friendships, and according to Pew Research, six in 10 under the age of 30 are single. Meanwhile, data shows unmarried, childless women are the “happiest subgroup in the population.”
The former pick-me girl put the modern love crisis into perspective: Where did all the good men go?
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In a final flourish, Ashtyn asked the question that has many women pondering the deep mysteries of time and love: When did men stop trying? She referenced old-school romances where men did things like build castles for their queens or had their wife’s wet footprints immortalized on the carpet. Seriously, can we get some yearning back here, people? The fact that women today are just grateful for a kind word or a semi-decent date night speaks volumes about how far the romantic bar has fallen.
"These men today think basic kindness is enough to install a relationship," Ashtyn said. "And that’s because we’ve been installed to think that’s enough." Spoiler alert: It’s not.
We’re not asking for the moon — just a little effort and a little consistency. A little bit of romance would go a long way.
Women want more, and men who want to be in relationships need to be okay with that.
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The takeaway from Ashtyn’s rant is clear: Men aren’t mad and lonely because women have become too picky — they’re mad and lonely because they created the conditions that led women to stop settling for the scraps.
If you’ve been on the receiving end of the "bare minimum" treatment, you’re not alone. Women are no longer willing to beg for decency, and we certainly don’t need to play games or fit into some outdated “pick-me” role to get it.
So, to all the men out there wondering where their “good women” have gone, here’s a thought: Maybe stop treating us like an afterthought and start showing up like a genuine partner. Because, honestly, the way things are going, we’ve already raised the bar. And if you want to join us, you might want to catch up before we leave you in the dust.