Woman Claims People Are So Lonely Because They’re Not Willing To Be ‘Inconvenienced’ By Friendship
Without friends and community our health will suffer.
Andrea Forlani Stock | Shutterstock A woman shined a rather interesting light on why so many people feel lonely nowadays, arguing that it stemmed from their refusal to accept the work and commitment that growing and maintaining a healthy friendship requires.
In a TikTok video, a woman named Daria Yazmiene explained that people need to start being better friends with the people in their lives. If they actually did, they'd noticed a huge shift in their feelings of isolation and loneliness.
A woman said people struggle with loneliness nowadays because they're not willing to be 'inconvenienced' by friendship.
"The reason why a lot of people are lonely and wonder why they don't have community is because they don't know how to be inconvenienced," Yazmiene began. "There are millions of different types of friends. There's a friend to go grocery shopping with, ones you hang out alone with, ones you party with, but incorporating people into your life is always going to be inconvenient."
Yazmiene recalled a recent encounter with her neighbor. While chatting, she told her neighbor she was planning on going for a walk. Her friend decided to tag along because she wanted to catch up with Yazmiene about what was going on in their respective lives. On her walk, Yazmiene decided she wanted to get a salad when she came home.
"I easily could have just went and picked it up, came home, and relaxed before my other plans for the night," Yazmiene continued. "But I decided to text my friends who live nearby and my neighbor. I picked one up for myself and my neighbor and picked up my other friend to grab some on the way."
Yazmiene pointed out that everything in life doesn't have to exist for an end goal. To think that way is purposeless because you end up missing out on significant moments in life. But everybody yearns to have friends who "ride or die," friends to go on trips with, or just friends to hang out with in general, when in reality, no one wants to take the initiative to become better friends.
A staggering number of people feel lonely regularly.
When it comes to lonely Americans, fifty-eight percent of adults reported feeling lonely nearly all the time. Several years ago, U.S. Surgeon General Dr. Vivek Murthy wrote about loneliness in his book, "Together," where he reported that loneliness is comparable to the opioid epidemic or obesity in terms of its devastating effects.
Dr. Murthy also sees loneliness as a root cause and contributor to many epidemics sweeping the world today, from alcohol and drug addiction to violence to depression and anxiety.
Tiffani Bell Washington, MD, MPH, an outpatient general, child, and adolescent psychiatrist, explained that social isolation is “a lack of engagement with others, having very few social contacts or people you would call, text or visit.” She added, "You may have people you talk to at work, but you still can be socially isolated if that doesn’t equate to you being able to really consider them a friend or someone you depend on.”
With that in mind, it seems even clearer that Yazmiene's theory holds water. Lonely people have the capacity to engage, but many lack the drive to maintain and foster the relationships that result in friendship.
A lack of friends can have a devastating impact on physical and mental health.
Harvard magazine even reported a heightened risk of mortality from loneliness equals that of smoking 15 cigarettes a day or being an alcoholic. The Aspen Institute reported that lonely people likely become ill, experience cognitive decline, and die earlier. So, having friends and being engaged in a community can actually keep you healthy.
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However, the amount of people with no close friendships in their lives coincides with this loneliness epidemic that we've been experiencing. A study released in October 2023 from the Pew Research Center found that while 61% of adults in the U.S. say that having close friends is essential to living a fulfilling life, about 8% said they had no close friends.
A friendship requires effort on both sides, even for something as small as deciding to pick up extra salads like Yazmiene did. It's about putting in the work to reap the benefits of platonic love. Through experiencing platonic love, you learn how to treat others in life, and it can especially help you in romantic connections as well.
"You can't just expect people to go from zero to a thousand," Yazmiene insisted. "I love doing boring [stuff] with my friends. Two of my friends were gonna go to Tesco tonight, and I was like, 'Hey, can you guys hold off till tomorrow so that I can go with you?' That's inconvenient for them, but they did it so I could go. That's what friendship is."
Nia Tipton is a staff writer with a bachelor’s degree in creative writing and journalism who covers news and lifestyle topics that focus on psychology, relationships, and the human experience.