6 Phrases Emotionally Intelligent People With Strong Boundaries Use When They Disagree With Someone, According To A Therapist
You don't have to agree with someone to validate their feelings.
Zmaster | Shutterstock In life, you're not going to agree with everyone you speak to and that's OK. There are ways to disagree with others respectfully, without putting them down or neglecting your own boundaries
Therapist Brittney Cobb-Farmer, known online as @ablackfemaletherapist, shared six phrases to help you navigate difficult conversations.
Here are 6 phrases emotionally intelligent people with strong boundaries use when they disagree with someone:
1. 'Even though we see this differently, I can tell this means a lot to you, and I respect that.'
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Sometimes we get so blinded by our own viewpoints, that we ignore how other people may feel. However, it's important to remember that often a disagreement occurs because both parties care enough about the topic to put up a fight. Acknowledging this out loud does a lot to diffuse tension.
2. 'I may not agree with you, but I want you to know that I care about how this affects you.'
According to Psychology Today, when talking to someone you disagree with, it's helpful to reinforce your relationship by letting the other person know that you care about them. This puts them at ease, instead of on the defense.
"Expressing that they matter, full stop, reminds both of you of the value of the relationship over and above personal beliefs and ideals," they explained. "It’s a big glowing reminder that our humanity is determined by how we treat each other, not by how much we agree."
3. 'I see why you might feel that way given your experiences. I respect where you're coming from and I come at it from a different angle.'
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People's experiences shape how they view the world, so it's important to acknowledge that when approaching a disagreement. You think the way you do because of your past, but they have different experiences.
That doesn't mean you should give in and agree with them, however. You can acknowledge someone's point of view without compromising your beliefs and values. "It’s not about surrendering your beliefs but about making space for theirs too," Cobb-Farmer explained.
4. 'I really appreciate you sharing how you see this. Your experience is valid, even if I might have interpreted things differently.'
No two people are the same and as such everyone will interpret matters differently. You have to be willing to accept — and even appreciate — that fact.
5. 'I can see how this situation is really upsetting for you. Your feelings make a lot of sense, even though I might see things a bit differently.'
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At the core of all of these phrases is the idea that don't have to agree with someone to validate their feelings.
“Validation without agreement means recognizing and respecting someone’s feelings or perspective, even if you don’t share their view,” Cobb-Farmer wrote. "It requires stepping outside your own opinions and genuinely acknowledging their experience as real and important to them."
The therapist acknowledged that this is no easy feat and takes practice to perfect. "Our natural instinct is often to correct, defend, or convince when we disagree. It feels vulnerable to set aside our need to be 'right' and instead focus on connection," she added. "Yet, offering this kind of validation can build trust and understanding, showing that you value the person more than the argument."
6. 'We might not align on every detail, but I can tell how deeply this matters to you, and that's important to me.'
Don't let the small things take away from your relationship with another person, whether it's a loved one or someone you only recently became close with. This phrase lets the other person know you care more about the other person than a difference of opinions.
Sahlah Syeda is a writer for YourTango who covers entertainment, news, and human interest topics.