11 Things That Are Easy If You're Mature, But Immature People Can't Handle
Maturity isn't just about age.
Tom Kuest - Fotograf | Shutterstock Maturity develops over the course of time, as people learn to regulate their emotions and consider the needs of others. But getting older doesn't always make people more mature. The idea that age brings wisdom only holds true when people commit to doing the work.
Immature people stay stuck in patterns they picked up in adolescence. They still think they're the center of the universe. Among the many markers of adulthood, there are things that are easy if you're mature, but immature people can't handle. Changing core parts of our identity is a painful process, but once we make it to the other side, we learn the true meaning of growth.
Here are 11 things that are easy if you're mature, but immature people can't handle
1. Staying emotionally balanced
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Immature people approach life with a "good vibes only" mentality. They believe happiness can only exist in the absence of more difficult feelings, like sorrow, anxiety and grief. Their quest for endless positivity keeps them from understanding that darkness and light co-exist.
Immature people can't handle hard emotions. According to psychologist Nick Wignall, "Being emotionally balanced doesn't mean you don't have painful emotions — it means you have a healthy relationship with them." Wignall added, "Emotional balance is the ability to not get overwhelmed by painful feelings. Your ability to take care of difficult emotions depends on your ability to take care of yourself."
Immature people resist sitting in the full scale of their feelings, which amplifies the discomfort they're trying so hard to ignore. Meanwhile, mature people are "better equipped to handle whatever emotions they find themselves with," Wignall explained.
When they're confronted by painful emotions, they let those emotions in. They acknowledge how they feel, validate their emotional experience, and let the feeling run its course.
Allowing hard feelings is the crux of emotional balance. Immature people get thrown off-course by their feelings, but if you're mature, it's easy to find your center, even in the depths of despair.
2. Accepting that nothing is guaranteed
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If you're mature, it's easy to understand that you're not owed success, happiness, or romance, no matter how much you want them. But immature people can't handle not getting what they want.
They think life should line up perfectly with their expectations. They struggle to accept the idea that the world won't always provide for them. Immature people measure their lives according to what everyone else has. Their scarcity mindset runs deep, justifying their bitter attitude and lack of empathy.
If you're mature, you know that being human means learning to manage disappointment, which lets you see everything you have as a gift. You accept the hard truth that we're not owed anything and choose compassion anyway.
Leading with an open heart is an honorable way to enter the world. The strength of our relationships is everything. If you're mature enough to see that, you hold people close, just because you can.
3. Saying 'no' without making excuses
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For mature people, it's easy to say "no" gracefully, without making excuses, but immature people can't handle setting boundaries. They overextend themselves to the point of resenting anyone who makes a request of them. Immature people believe that saying "no" is a selfish response, rather than an act of self-care.
Intuitive coach Ronnie Ann Ryan revealed that people-pleasers can't handle listening to their own limitations. As a people-pleaser, "you tend to do things you don't want to do or ignore your own needs to satisfy others," she explained.
"This creates internal friction as you are torn over how to respond and may feel like you have no choice... This is a classic boundary issue that can strip you of any chance for inner peace. That's why learning to say 'no' to a request can feel like a relief, and, in fact, is quite liberating."
Being mature means you don't define your worth by what other people need from you, especially when it means you're not caring for yourself. You honor your own needs, because you believe that showing up for yourself is essential to having a nourishing life.
4. Listening to feedback
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Immature people interpret feedback as an attack on their character, as opposed to a blueprint to reach their full potential. They base self-worth on external factors. Their insecurities make it hard to handle even the most gentle critique, which is why they hear feedback as a list of everything that's wrong with them.
If you're mature, it's easy to acknowledge areas of improvement, because you aim for growth. As Wignall pointed out, hearing feedback takes humility and self-awareness, key aspects of maturity.
"Genuinely self-aware people have the humility to understand that they can't always see themselves objectively," he explained. "They know that often the best way to be more objective about yourself is through the lens of other people."
Wignall concluded that "the quest for self-knowledge is a fundamentally social endeavor," which emphasizes how important it is to receive feedback graciously, without getting defensive.
5. Considering consequences
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If you're mature, it's easy to think about the consequences of your decisions before you make them, which is something immature people can't handle. They prioritize instant gratification, which means they often take action without thinking about how that action will actually unfold.
Immaturity can be defined as displaying "actions and attitudes that are developmentally inappropriate for one's age or social context." When someone is immature, "the gap between how we expect someone to behave and the reality of their conduct" is quite noticeable.
Maturity makes it easy to develop coping mechanisms that keep impulsivity in check, but immature people struggle with impulse control and regulating their emotions. Even though it's hard for them, immature people can learn techniques to help them weigh the consequences of their decisions.
Hitting pause is hard for immature people. They often jump into action without considering what comes next. The "STOP" method teaches them to Stop, Take a breath, Observe, and Proceed mindfully. Practicing mindfulness teaches immature people how to slow down and stay grounded, and think about what they really want.
6. Acknowledging your own agency
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For people who are immature, they view life as something that happens to them, as though their own choices are forced upon them. They don't accept responsibility for charting their own course, falling into a victim mentality.
Immature people take their relationships for granted, then wonder why they fall apart. They don't claim control over their own behavior, seeing the dissolution of their relationships as the other person's fault. If you're mature, however, it's easy to acknowledge that relationships are only successful when people continue to show up for each other.
Immaturity holds people back from having deep, long-lasting connections, and it impairs their ability to step back and seek perspective. They refuse to see the part they play in reinforcing their own patterns, which means they also refuse to change.
7. Being alone
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Being on your own is easy if you're mature, but immature people can't handle it. They see solitude as something to fear, instead of embracing it as a pathway for reconnecting with themselves. They're scared to sit in the empty space of being alone, because it might lead them to uncover who they really are.
Immature people rely on others to keep them entertained. Their endless search for external validation is a distraction technique. If they're always surrounded by people, there's no need for self-reflection. Immature people don't see the difference between solitude and loneliness.
If you're mature, it's easy to understand that you can be alone without feeling lonely. To see the world's true beauty, you have to accept being alone with yourself. Finding fulfillment in solitude means creating your own joy and feeling nourished by your own presence.
8. Having gratitude for simple things
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Being grateful for small things is easy if you're mature. Every quiet moment gives life meaning, but immature people can't handle that universal truth. They don't understand that the real wonders of the world will reveal themselves when they release the idea that a bigger, better version of life exists somewhere else.
Author and public speaker David Ahearn pointed out that the power of gratitude lets us see life in a new light. "If we only shift our perception away from worrying about the 'big' things with which we have little to no control, we make space to celebrate the 'small' things that we most certainly have some impact to enjoy," he shared.
Ahearn advised people to give thanks for the little things, like a cup of tea on a snowy day, the feeling you get when you hear your favorite song, a perfectly ripe peach.
Appreciating the little things lets you see how full your life is. Having gratitude is a choice you actively make. Maturity opens the door to living in the present, instead of waiting for the future to arrive.
9. Redefining success
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Rethinking what it means to be successful is easy if you're mature. Being mature allows you to accept that multiple realities exist at once. The traditional meaning of success centers around the job someone has and how big their paycheck is. If you're mature, you know that you can't reduce real success to fit into such a small box.
Immature people can't handle the idea that real success doesn't actually come from wealth or power. They're caught up in the misguided belief that success depends on optics. They might have a high-powered job that makes them miserable, but if other people think they're successful, that's all that matters.
Immature people can't handle defining success on their own terms. If you're mature, it's easy to reframe real success according to the friendships you have, the memories you've made, and the love you give.
10. Being imperfect
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Maturity lets you see that being flawed is part of being human, and it doesn't negate your innate worth. According to licensed clinical psychologist Jessica Del Pozo, PhD, maturity exists along a continuum.
Our patterns of behavior, thought processes, and emotional reactions are influenced by where we fall on the maturity spectrum. Being mature gives people the perspective to understand nuance.
Maturity lets people "hold awareness [that] they are imperfect and loveable." It means being able to "own mistakes and make sincere repair attempts for healing and growth." Mature people have adequate tools to mine the depths of their emotions without fear.
When you're mature, you "take ownership of your own emotional work," something immature people can't handle. You show yourself grace and you don't define yourself by what you've done wrong, which pushes you to evolve.
11. Taking responsibility for your emotions
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Being responsible for their own emotions is something immature people can't handle. If you're mature, it's easy to deep-dive into your feelings to gain a better understanding of the "why" underneath your actions. Owning your emotional reactions is a step to self-acceptance, which lets you find true peace in who you are.
As life and business coach Gretchen Hydo shared, "It's easy to react a certain way and not take accountability for it... In order to find inner peace, it's essential to be self-aware. Make sure that what you do reflects the ripple effect you want to create... Life is made up of seasons — vibrant, painful, joyous, and dry... Peace, however, is something you can keep."
Holding ourselves responsible guides us to live our best lives. When we release past versions of ourselves and walk into the unknown, we become the people we were always meant to be.
Alexandra Blogier, MFA, is a staff writer who covers psychology, social issues, relationships, self-help topics, and human interest stories.