Your Parents Did A Great Job Raising You If You Make These 10 Thoughtful Decisions Daily
You take your time with every important choice in life, all thanks to your parents.
fizkes | Shutterstock Making thoughtful decisions is a skill, something you pick up from your parents and caregivers. Having parents who model compassion gives you the emotional intelligence you need to live a considerate life. Making deep connections and receiving others with kindness is a gift, and if you make these thoughtful decisions daily, your parents did a great job raising you.
It's not easy to stay centered in this chaotic, divided world. Trading softness for a hard edge offers the illusion of self-preservation, but it will ultimately leave you feeling bitter and alone. You get to choose how you respond to other people. You can decide to build walls and keep everyone out, or you can lead with your heart and let your life bloom.
Your parents did a great job raising you if you make these 10 thoughtful decisions daily
1. You're generous with the resources you have
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You might not be rich, but you give what you can, when you can. You make reasonable donations to charities that represent your values, because you know every dollar counts when it comes to making the world a better place.
Even if you don't have money to give away, you still put generosity into action daily. You make use of the resources you have access to. If you have a flexible schedule and free time, you volunteer. If you have a closet full of clothes you don't wear, you give them to people in need.
You invest in other people, contributing whatever you can to the support networks sustaining your community. Your generous spirit is a reflection of the deep compassion you carry and the fact that your parents did a great job raising you.
2. You stay calm in emotionally-charged situations
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Your ability to self-regulate shows that you were brought up in an emotionally safe household. Your parents encouraged you to express your feelings, even the big, uncomfortable ones. They taught you how to navigate heightened emotions in a healthy way, which set you up for success in all your future relationships.
According to Ascension Counseling Services, emotional regulation is a key part of preserving harmony in a relationship. They noted that 85% of the arguments between couples escalate due to emotional escalation, rather than the initial cause of the disagreement.
Being self-reflective provides the opportunity to identify your emotional triggers, all those little things that dig into your fears and insecurities, setting you off. Recognizing patterns pulls you back from the precipice, so you can recenter yourself and commit to calm, constructive dialogue.
Approaching conflict as a battleground, where you have to prove your point to win, ruptures connections and erodes relationships. In seeking common ground, you know that patience is more than a virtue, it's an active practice.
3. You own up to your mistakes
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Your parents did a great job raising you if you make the thoughtful decision to own up to your mistakes. You know that saying sorry is a launching point, not the final destination. Repairing harm takes more than just an apology, even the most sincere one. It takes action, because accountability is an ongoing process.
According to world-renowned therapist Esther Perel, owning your own experience is an essential part of self-accountability, which paves the way for people to come out on the other side of harm.
"Owning your part is an act of humility, and that gesture opens the door for your partner to reciprocate, to meet you in an honest place," she explained. "Taking accountability for yourself does not excuse the other person. It helps them see that apologizing for their mistake doesn't mean that they are a mistake."
Perel noted that true accountability means asking hard questions about the larger context of an individual conflict, and interrogating the role you've played in that dynamic. She shared, "This is not victim blaming. This is acknowledging the inherent complexities of what it means to be responsible in your relationship."
Seeing repair as a journey you take, instead of a finite action, is a deeply thoughtful decision that leads you to become more responsive, both to yourself and your partner.
4. You commit to simple acts of self-improvement
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Your parents' unconditional love and support instilled in you a solid sense of self-worth. You learned to love yourself entirely, which is the basis for every thoughtful decision you make.
True self-acceptance involves even the parts of yourself you don't like, the ones that make you wonder if you're worthy of love. Your self-improvement goals are rooted in love, not any attempt to erase your imperfections.
You set manageable goals, leading you into the future you dream of, without imposing any expectation that you get there quickly. You frame self-improvement as something to sustain for a lifetime, not as short, pressured bursts.
If your goal is to eat a more balanced diet, you incorporate those changes gradually. Instead of cutting off sugar completely, you swap your midnight cookie snack for a piece of fruit. You commit to cooking veggies three nights a week, and you don't shame yourself for not hitting those numbers perfectly every time.
You believe there's always room to grow. Your version of growth aligns with your authenticity, bringing you into your truest self with every small change you make.
5. You make time to move your body
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You know that staying active is the gateway to good health — not just in a physical sense, but on a mental and spiritual level, too. You see exercise as an act of self-care, rather than something you force yourself to do. In fact, one study from the International Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health determined that physical exercise can improve psychological well-being.
You listen to your body, honoring what you need. Some days, you go hard with weights and cardio. Other days, you stretch gently in your living room or take a walk and admire the beauty of the outside world. You rest when you need to, because you know that pushing too hard will leave you depleted.
You've given yourself permission to be flexible and show up in ways that serve you best. Your intuitive approach to staying in shape shows that you're lovingly committed to a life well-lived.
6. You treat service workers with respect
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Some restaurant patrons refuse to see service workers beyond the scope of the job. They have a demanding, entitled attitude, using any small misstep or oversight as a reason to not leave a tip. But because your parents did a great job raising you, you treat service workers with dignity and respect.
You understand that service workers deserve to be spoken to politely and compensated for their labor. It shows that your parents taught you basic decency and good social skills. You acknowledge that service jobs are hard, not only because they require people to stay on their feet for 10 hours or more, but also because the emotional labor involved is completely draining.
According to one research study from the Pakistan Journal of Statistics, performing emotional labor is "the primary work connotation" for employees in the service industry. The study outlined the negative ripple effect of "abundant emotional labor."
Service workers are expected to mask how they feel and defer to the customers' demands, which creates rapid emotional exhaustion and emotional dissonance. That extreme depletion leads to burnout, decreased job satisfaction, and high turnover in an already unstable role.
It costs nothing to be nice to people taking your order and bringing you a freshly-made meal, so that you don't have to cook at home or do your own dishes. Your empathy and kindness isn't limited only to those in your inner circle; rather, they extend to everyone you interact with.
7. You stay present for your loved ones
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People learn early on in their lives to treat others as they want to be treated. Accepting the simple wisdom of the golden rule is the first step in figuring out how to enter the world and who they want to be. Making the thoughtful decision to fill your life with meaningful relationships means you truly understand what's most important.
You make connections that sustain you. You find deep fulfillment in your friendships and you're continually nourished by your family. You surround yourself with people who support you and uplift you. You know that being mindful means approaching your relationships with intentionality and integrity. You care deeply about your people, and you put effort and affection into every relationship you have.
8. You tune out your inner critic
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Your confidence and belief that you can do hard things stems from the messaging you received in childhood. You see yourself as capable because your parents did. While everyone has an inner critic, you've learned to turn down the volume of your critic's negative vibes.
According to therapist Susan Saint Welch, finding your life's purpose means learning to value your true self without judgment. As Saint Welch explained, "Most people often judge themselves harshly.
Sometimes, parents inadvertently teach their children not to value themselves. And, likely, the lesson came from each generation before them. This may mean that as a child you did not receive a true picture of your real worth." She concluded, "It's important to separate a negative childhood upbringing from your true self — or, at least, who you want to become."
By accepting you without judgment, your parents stopped the cycle of negative self-talk. They set you up to believe in your capabilities, so you could live in your truth.
9. You know when to say 'no'
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Being able to say "no" indicates that you know yourself deeply. You make decisions in your own best interests, not to make other people happy. You believe that setting boundaries is a way to establish mutual respect. You make thoughtful decisions about where to put your energy, and you say "no" to nourish yourself.
Confidence coach Christie Mawer reframed the idea that being selfish is always a negative attribute, saying, "One way to know what's most important to living aligned with your true self is to set selfish goals.
Setting a selfish goal means finding something big or small that resonates with you, that makes you happy, that puts you on a path toward what you really want in your life." Making decisions that align with your authenticity means knowing how to say no.
10. You’re reliable
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If you make the thoughtful decision to follow through with what you say you'll do, your parents did a great job raising you. Being reliable means setting your intentions to match up with your actions. You're committed to showing up for others in ways that resonate for them. Reliability isn't about promising to meet people's every need; rather, it's about making promises you can actually keep.
Truly reliability means that your everyday actions line up with your beliefs. Living authentically allows you to keep the promises you've made to yourself, along with other people. It also means having the self-awareness to accept that sometimes, you'll fail at following through. You have to meet yourself where you're at, and giving yourself grace shows how thoughtful you truly are.
Alexandra Blogier, MFA, is a staff writer who covers psychology, social issues, relationships, self-help topics, and human interest stories.