11 Phrases Brilliant People Say To Someone In A Bad Mood
No matter how low someone feels, a brilliant person is there to remind them of how they are inherently worthy of compassion and care at all times.
Josep Suria | Shutterstock As much as some people try to abide by a "positive vibes only" mindset, being in a bad mood is a normal part of being a person. It's virtually impossible not to let some amount of negativity into your life, but what's important is how you navigate tough times.
The phrases brilliant people say when someone's in a bad mood emphasize empathy and having self-compassion. It's not healthy to always be happy. If you only experience sunshine and rainbows, it means you're pushing storm clouds away, only for them to reappear in full force at a later date.
Here are 11 phrases brilliant people say to someone in a bad mood
1. 'I see you're struggling and I want you to know how much I care'
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The phrase "I see you're struggling and I want you to know how much I care" is a low-pressure way to express concern. The speaker acknowledges what the other person is going through, without pushing them to talk if they're not ready. With the second part of the phrase, the speaker shares their support and affection in a way that doesn't put undue pressure on the person who's in a bad mood.
The brilliance of this phrase lies in its innate emotional intelligence. According to Mental Health America, emotional intelligence can be defined as "the ability to manage both your own emotions and understand the emotions of people around you." While we can't control anyone else's emotions aside from our own, having a basic understanding of how others feel informs how we interact with them.
Having emotional intelligence is often framed as a "soft skill," yet it's a key part of managing conflict and being a strong communicator, both of which are necessary for personal and professional success. When someone's in a bad mood, brilliant people act from a place of empathy, which lets them hold space for difficult emotions.
2. 'It's okay to feel what you're feeling'
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People often equate having hard feelings with being vulnerable, and they equate vulnerability with weakness. They judge themselves for how they feel, which ultimately makes them feel even worse.
As psychologist Nick Wignall explained, "A common sign of low emotional intelligence is that people criticize themselves for having difficult emotions. They think it's bad or wrong to feel afraid. They think it's shameful to feel sad. They think it's a sign of weakness that they get angry."
"People with high emotional intelligence understand that just because something feels bad doesn't mean it is bad. So they treat themselves instead with compassion and kindness when they feel bad," he concluded.
By telling someone that it's okay to be in a bad mood, brilliant people share the wisdom that comes with having high emotional intelligence.
3. 'Would it help if I kept you company?'
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When someone's in a bad mood, brilliant people say the phrase, "Would it help if I kept you company?" They offer their physical presence as a way to support the other person, but they're not hurt or offended if that person says no or wants to be alone. When brilliant people ask someone in a bad mood if they want company, they're essentially asking if they want to practice co-regulation.
Lauren Marchette, a psychiatry lecturer at Harvard Medical School, described co-regulation as "a supportive, interactive, and dynamic process." Co-regulating is the method parents and primary caregivers use to teach kids to regulate their emotions, and it's a useful skill even in adulthood.
Marchette shared one way the co-regulation process can work, noting that "First, the parent needs to pause and self-regulate their own emotions, such as by taking a deep breath. The next steps are validating the child's feelings, observing the child's response, and then deciding how to respond next."
Sometimes, just sitting beside someone who's in a bad mood is the balm they need, which is why brilliant people ask if they'd like some company.
4. 'I'll listen if you want to talk'
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Brilliant people know that there's no point in making someone process how they feel before they're ready. They let the other person know that they're available and willing to lend an ear or even a shoulder to cry on, but they don't rush anything.
As YourTango expert Dr. Barbara Winter explained, knowing how to listen is the cornerstone of strong communication. She advised people to seek out "moments of connection" and to meet each other where exactly they are and not where they expect to be. "Connection improves not only intimacy but also emotional regulation and resilience," Dr. Winter concluded.
5. 'I'm here when you're ready to share'
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The phrase "I'm here when you're ready to share" can ease the anxiety people feel when they're at a low point in their lives, especially those two simple words: "I'm here."
All too often, people in the midst of an emotional crisis worry that they're a burden to the people they love. They bury their true feelings because they don't want to bother anyone. They put on a mask and pretend everything's fine, when really, they're swimming against the current, trying to keep their head above water.
Holding hard feelings inside only amplifies them, until they become too heavy to ignore any longer. Sharing how you feel leaves your heart wide open, which is an admittedly scary thing. By surrounding yourself with brilliant people who know that being vulnerable is the only way to create lasting connections, you've given yourself a soft place to land, surrounded by people who love you, no matter what.
6. 'How can I support you right now?'
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The genius of this phrase is how specific it is. By asking what they can do right now, in this exact moment, brilliant people lift some of the weight that comes with being in a bad mood. It's not always easy to locate what you want or need, even when you feel good, let alone doing so when you feel low.
If someone is struggling so much that they can't answer the question, brilliant people can try a different approach. They can share a few practical tasks they don't mind doing, like bringing over a home-cooked meal, ordering delivery or running errands.
This phrase is brilliant because it dives right to the core of the issue. It essentially announces, "I can't fix how you feel, but I can be of service while you work through your emotions."
7. 'All your emotions are valid'
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This phrase shows how emotional intelligence can be beneficial to everyone, not only the person who's highly emotionally intelligent. Emotional nuances exist and deserve to be validated, and the only thing wrong with being in a bad mood is not feeling it fully.
Wignall outlined the importance of emotional validation, noting that "people with high emotional intelligence validate their emotions. They identify and acknowledge their feelings. And then remind themselves that it's okay to feel any kind of feeling — that it doesn't make them bad or unsafe."
"Your emotions are always valid even if they're painful or unhelpful," he continued. "It's a lot easier to accept your painful emotions when you are in the habit of validating them first."
"There's no sadness dial you can simply adjust down, just like there's no happiness button you simply press to feel better," Wignall concluded, making it clear that the only way out of a bad mood is to move through it.
8. 'Do you want me to give advice or just listen?'
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When someone we love is in distress, it's easy to fall into being an emotional fixer. We can't stand to see them struggle, so we try to make everything better and fix how they feel. Wanting to fix someone's feelings is a normal reaction to bearing witness to their pain, but assuming the fixer role doesn't solve anything. Becoming a fixer leads to a path of resentment and emotional burnout, and it doesn't make the other person hurt any less.
As Wignall explained, "Trying to 'fix' other people's painful emotions is invalidating. Emotionally intelligent people are willing to accept other people's bad moods and difficult emotions just as they do their own."
"They acknowledge and validate other people's feelings without trying to make them go away or distract from them," he continued. "While counterintuitive, this approach of being accepting of other people's difficult feelings tends to lead to much healthier and happier relationships in the long run."
9. 'Take it one step at a time'
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"Take it one step at a time" is a phrase brilliant people say when someone's in a bad mood. They're fully aware that healing is a long and winding journey, one that's rarely linear. When they say this phrase, they give permission to the person who's in a bad mood to move at their own pace.
They reassure them that emotional processing isn't a race or a competition, but rather, something to approach mindfully. According to the Gottman Institute, mindfulness is the "key to learning how to deal with difficult emotions."
"Practicing mindfulness enables you to calm down and soothe yourself. In this state, you have space to reflect and thoughtfully respond, rather than react," they explained. "Through mindful acceptance, you can embrace difficult feelings with compassion, awareness, and understanding towards yourself. Opening yourself up to your emotions allows you to create a space of awareness, curiosity, and expansiveness."
10. 'You don't have to force yourself to feel better'
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As Wignall pointed out, running away from difficult emotions or pretending to feel better than you really do is a recipe for making a bad mood even worse.
"Emotional intelligence is the ability to work with your emotions instead of fighting them or running away," he explained, noting that the tendency to use "vague, overly abstract or metaphorical terms" to describe emotions is a sign that someone has low emotional intelligence.
"Intellectualized emotions are a form of avoidance. And the more you avoid your painful emotions, the more afraid of them you become. This leads to a vicious cycle of compounding painful emotions: Feeling afraid of feeling angry; feeling ashamed of feeling sad," Wignall added.
"People with low emotional intelligence tend to avoid difficult emotions, which means that they lose touch with how those emotions feel in their bodies," he continued. "But when you understand that emotions are not bad or dangerous no matter how painful they feel, you tend to accept them and learn to live with them."
11. 'You're doing the best you can and that's enough'
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Saying, "You're doing the best you can and that's enough" to someone who is in a bad mood sends an honest message of how true self-love and radical self-acceptance actually work. It declares that we are always enough, even when we're in a bad mood, even if we struggle to navigate how we feel.
This phrase is brilliant because it emphasizes an essential truth of the human condition: No matter how low you feel, you're inherently worthy of love, compassion, and care, at all times.
Alexandra Blogier, MFA, is a staff writer who covers psychology, social issues, relationships, self-help topics, and human interest stories.