11 Hidden Etiquette Rules People Often Break Without Realizing
What rules should you incorporate into your daily routine to look a bit more polished?
Halfpoint | Shutterstock People who go about their day-to-day lives might not know the hidden etiquette rules they often break without realizing it. It's unintentional, but not doing a few simple things can make even the most likable person look rude.
People break many rules without thinking about it, from interrupting conversations to not leaving a hand free to eat before the host does. That said, what etiquette rules should people incorporate into their daily routine to look a bit more polished?
The 11 hidden etiquette rules people often break without realizing it:
1. Being picky when they’re invited out.
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People often break a huge hidden etiquette rule without realizing it is being picky when invited. At high-class restaurants, it’s rude to complain about the food being served when someone else is paying for the meal.
Pushing their dish to the side and saying they'd prefer something less complicated can be rude or inconsiderate. Yet it isn’t just that, as constantly complaining can instantly make you appear less likable to others. That said, being picky isn’t anything new.
Most people are picky eaters who prefer chicken tenders over steak any day of the week. Yet, this isn't surprising. Most people are wired like people, foods, and places they already know.
This sentiment aligns with information from the University of Connecticut, which cited that the brain is hardwired to resist change. They explained, "Your brain is hard-wired to protect you—which can lead to reinforcing your opinions and beliefs, even when they’re misguided." Knowing this, it's not surprising that many Americans identify as picky.
That said, there’s a difference between being picky and voicing those thoughts out loud. And for those who desire to be seen as classy and likable, it’s best to keep those thoughts to themselves. I
Instead, they should express gratitude for the experience and find ways to endure it—their reputation might thank them for it.
2. Not using titles when making introductions.
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People who don't use titles when making introductions can unintentionally be rude and inconsiderate. Unconsciously, they introduce themselves and refer to others by their first names without thinking too much about it.
However, this can be rude for those who have worked hard and spent years in school grinding or climbing the corporate ladder. This is why people should do their utmost to pay respects and introduce someone by their title name.
For instance, if a colleague has a PhD, it's appropriate to refer to them as Doctor so and so. Or, if a friend has recently gotten married, it's proper to introduce them as Mr or Mrs.
At the moment, it might not sound like a big deal. However, paying respects shows that someone has good etiquette and, most importantly, that they listen.
According to a study published in PLOS ONE, feeling heard relates to the quality and equality of relationships, bringing people closer and making them feel better connected and essential.
3. Talking on the phone in public.
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Many people don't realize that the hidden etiquette rule of not talking on the phone in public is often broken without realizing it.
While grocery shopping or coming out of the gym, people dial their partner's number without realizing that those around them consider it rude. However, there is a reason for it.
A study published in PLOS ONE found that one-sided conversations can be utterly distracting. Researchers found that those who overheard one-sided conversations were increasingly likely to be distracted compared to those who overheard a two-sided discussion. Participants also reported feeling more annoyed with the one-sided conversation than the two-sided one.
This is why people should save conversations for later or, at the very least, cut them short while in public.
4. Overstaying their welcome.
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Nobody wants to be rude and kick someone out; however, when it's one in the morning, and the guest has work the next day, they might've overstayed their welcome just a bit.
It's not their fault, though, as overstaying their welcome is a hidden etiquette rule people often break without realizing it. However, people should avoid repeating this mistake. Otherwise, they might just get banned from coming over.
Unfortunately, most people are too friendly to say, 'I'm tired, get out.' According to a survey from YouGov, 49% of Americans self-identify as people-pleasers.
This is why they'll tolerate the late stay and avoid hanging out again shortly. But they're doing their best to be polite without compromising their sanity.
5. Clinking glasses.
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The hidden etiquette rule people often break without realizing it is clinking their glasses together.
When people are in high spirits, they click their glasses to celebrate. Smiling ear to ear, they won't even think twice about why clicking glasses together is considered bad manners. However, the people around them just might.
It might sound overly picky, but clicking glasses is rude for many reasons. Besides the noise, the host might not be thrilled since the glass set was likely worth a pretty penny.
This is why it's best to reserve clicking glasses unless the host does it first. Otherwise, someone can risk coming off as rude or spilling expensive wine on the floor because they rattled just a little too hard.
6. Not acknowledging or thanking staff members.
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Another hidden etiquette rule people often break without realizing it is refusing to acknowledge or thank staff members.
It's easy to forget to say 'thank you' when someone is distracted by their kids or coworkers. Feeling stressed or overwhelmed can make being one's best self difficult.
However, people should always aim to rectify the situation and acknowledge their hard work at the end of their meal. Otherwise, they can look like a complete jerk.
The Guardian cited research from psychology professor Christine Porath and said that people are typically rude to others and chalk it up to being 'stressed and overwhelmed.' Yet, managing that stress before it's too late is essential.
Not showing an ounce of respect might get someone side-eyed and stared down at, ruining their reputation for the foreseeable future. To avoid this, always be polite and respectful when out in public. That way, people won't spread rumors and ruin their sparkling reputation.
7. Eating before the host eats.
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A person who eats before their host eats breaks a hidden etiquette rule without even realizing it. It's frustrating, but waiting that extra minute or two for the host to begin eating is considered good etiquette.
People must understand that the host spent countless hours cooking that delicious meal and serving everyone their plates. As a result, they might feel irritated if someone digs in without even waiting for them to sit down.
Like most people, hosts want to feel appreciated and respected. This is why spending mealtime together is super important. Not only does it show the host that they're respected and wanted, but it also makes for a great bonding experience.
According to a study published in Adaptive Behavior and Physiology, people who eat together feel increasingly satisfied and happy with their lives. So, as painful as it is, wait a bit before digging in. Not only will the host appreciate it, but it'll also make for a better bonding experience.
8. Asking personal questions.
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One hidden etiquette rule people often break without realizing is asking personal questions. Now, don't get it twisted; people love getting deep, and they especially love talking about themselves.
However, there is such a thing as getting too deep. Asking about someone's trauma or their relationships can be a sore spot for many people. Yet, this is especially true if the person they're asking is a stranger or, at most, an acquaintance.
Most people would feel put on the spot or weirded out if asked to discuss their worst moments in life or some other deep-rooted question. This is why people should keep these questions on the back burner, for etiquette's sake.
9. Making unsolicited comments about someone else's appearance.
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Making unsolicited comments about someone else's appearance is another hidden etiquette rule that people often break without realizing it.
Firstly, making comments about people's appearance is always risky. People who intend to compliment someone might offend them if they're not careful with their word choice.
Furthermore, making unsolicited comments about someone else's appearance should never happen in the world of etiquette.
Most people aren't fond of being talked about without prompt. Moreover, they don't want to hear if they look messy or appear 'heavier' from the last time they saw you.
Regardless of the intentions, commenting about someone's appearance doesn't bid well. According to a study published in Health Psychology Open, appearance-related comments have been linked to negative body image, especially in adolescents.
So, it's best not to say anything unless the comment is something they can fix in a few minutes.
10. Focusing only on themselves in conversations.
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If someone is only focused on themselves during conversations, they are likely self-absorbed and lack basic etiquette. It should go without saying that people love good conversation, and most importantly, people love talking about themselves.
Psychiatrist Samantha Boardman, M.D. explained that talking about oneself produces similar feelings as eating food, as it lights up the same part of people's brains.
It is disrespectful and doesn't allow much room for connecting on a deeper level.
11. Keeping their right hand busy while greeting people.
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The last unexpected hidden etiquette rule people often break without realizing it is keeping their right hand free while greeting people.
It's a minor rule, but people should keep their right hand free when socializing. Whether meeting new people or bumping into coworkers, people must keep their hands free to go in for a firm handshake.
On the surface, this might sound like a 'silly rule.' However, first impressions do add up in the grand scheme of things. Believe it or not, it can be hard to shake off a wrong first impression for any coworker, potential partner, or potential boss.
This is why people should do their utmost to present themselves in a good light. Not only will this make them look well-mannered and professional, but it'll also earn them brownie points in etiquette, which is always good.
Marielisa Reyes is a writer with a bachelor's in psychology who covers self-help, relationships, career, family, and astrology.