The Power Of Speaking Less In A World That Will Not Shut Up
Wield this power to improve your listening skills, lessen overstimulation, and give you more time to consider your words.
marilook | Canva “Confidence is silent. Insecurities are loud.”
Have you watched John Wick? My favorite actor, Keanu Reeves, plays John Wick’s character. He speaks 350 words on average per movie and has made a whopping $20M+. That’s just a vague example; even in real life, he is not known as a much talkative person.
Let me share a couple of anecdotes. My grandmother used to say that if a pot makes a lot of noise, it’s only because it’s empty.
We can generalize this wisdom in real life. Just recall a corporate setting where an employee or boss talks a lot, but when you dig deep, the thoughts are pretty empty, or they are trying to hide something by covering it up with too much talk.
Silence is a source of great strength. — Lao Tzu
I love reading. Recently, I completed a couple of books by Robert Greene, an expert on human psychology.
A lot of communication in humans is non-verbal; we feel or sense something instead of vocalizing it or use our body language to convey a point or mood.
People who generally talk a lot lose their power quickly; whereas people who speak less wield it.
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That’s often an impression of power, and the game of power has a lot to do with appearances. I read that people who have been in leadership positions like CEOs or kings in the past have mastered one skill, and that's how to control their time.
They know more than they do. The less you speak, the less they know about you to conspire against you. You also hide your intentions and keep on a poker face, which seems enigmatic for them to fear you.
I've never met a truly intellectual person who talks excessively. I've also observed that people who talk too much often end up putting their foot in their mouth. Overtalking, however, may be a sign of a psychological condition called logorrhea — in these situations, people speak quickly and verbally express their thoughts, leading to frequent topic-switching that is only a little bit related to the original. Most of the time, it's difficult to stop them. There isn’t much self-talk, showing that the cause is a condition rather than a narcissistic self-interest.
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People who talk a lot often have an egocentric view of the world, believing that their issues are the only ones that matter and that everything revolves around them.
Victim-mentality people talk about their issues, but narcissists talk about their accomplishments and want approval. Both frequently dominate conversations with long talks and show a glaring lack of empathy.
It’s crucial to realize that talking a lot can occasionally be the result of uncertainty and lack of confidence, even though it can also just be a disorder or personality trait. There are other, more or less insignificant reasons for talking excessively, such as talking only because you were prepared to talk about something that is no longer relevant. (Talking to interrupt someone else, talking to pass the time, talking because it is your “turn,” talking to reflect, talking out of habit, lying, or showing off, etc.)
When speaking, excessive passiveness and insufficient assertiveness are undoubtedly wrong and can rarely be detrimental. Too much detail and irrelevant talk can obscure the important point while introducing a new concept. Of course, context is important, but there’s a thin line separating relevant details from unnecessary components.
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Meetings, interviews, and first dates are common settings where too much talking can backfire.
During an interview or a date, which is a chance for both parties to decide whether there's a fit or spark, it's important to be sincere and real — but talking too much can be a detriment and inadvertently cause you to come across as insecure and lacking confidence.
If you are the person conducting the interview, establish expectations by saying that you may interrupt the candidate. One of the most effective ways to undermine your message when providing feedback is to talk a lot, especially if the criticism isn't helpful or productive.
When getting feedback from superiors at my job, it was intriguing to me that the higher-ups responded most favorably when I simply thanked them for their opinions and remained soft-spoken in response to certain criticisms or areas of improvement about myself.
Ultimately, excessive talking drains our cognitive capacity.
There are many valuable benefits to speaking less. It can improve your listening skills, lessen overstimulation, provide you with more time to consider your word choice and help prevent misunderstandings.
Speak less and you'll speak volumes.
Sufyan Maan is a freelance writer who writes about personal growth and how to invest in yourself. He has been featured on Vocal Media, News Break, Better Humans, and more.