12 Subtle Traits Of A Good-Hearted Person, According To Psychology
Count on a good-hearted person to bring out the best in you, always.
Nana_studio | Shutterstock It can be easy to let yourself get dragged down by a person with negative energy. Ask a negative person how their day was, and they'll give you a list of everything that went wrong, ending on how miserable their life is. Yet we're just as affected by positive people, meaning that their good vibes make us feel good, too.
When you ask a genuinely positive person about their day, they don't sugarcoat the hard parts. They look for silver linings and seek ways to improve their outlook and better themselves. Pay close attention to the subtle traits of a good-hearted person. You'll discover that you treat yourself and others with more kindness and understanding.
Here are 12 subtle traits of a good-hearted person, according to psychology
1. They're thoughtful
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While a good-hearted person cares enough about their own well-being not to ignore their own needs, they also take other people into consideration at all times.
A good-hearted person doesn't play games or lead you on. They'll show you exactly how much they care about you, whether it's by sending you a text to say they're thinking of you, or picking up your favorite sweet treat from the bakery.
They will offer their fullest selves to you, giving meaningfully and often, because they're always holding you in their heart and mind.
2. They show compassion to themselves and others
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A subtle trait of a good-hearted person is deep compassion — not only for others, but for themselves, too. A lot of the time, it's easier to offer understanding and care to anyone but ourselves. Often, we are our own harshest critics, but a good-hearted person knows that cultivating compassion means nothing unless we can give it to ourselves, too.
Psychologist Kristin Neff described self-compassion as "being supportive toward oneself when experiencing suffering or pain — be it caused by personal mistakes and inadequacies or external life challenges." Neff further describes it as "compassion for the experience of suffering turned inward."
She noted that self-compassion can be organized into three broad categories: Whether people emotionally respond to suffering with kindness or judgment, whether they understand their pain as part of the human experience or see it as an isolating force, and whether they pay attention to suffering in a mindful or overly identified way.
"Self-compassion can take a tender, nurturing form, especially when it is aimed at self-acceptance or soothing distressing emotions. However, it can also take a fierce, powerful, agentic form, especially when it is aimed at self-protection, meeting our important needs or motivating change," Neff explained. "Self-compassion is a way of reducing the felt separation between individuals," she concluded.
Good-hearted people make self-compassion a focal point of their lives, because it helps them understand themselves and other people on a deeper level.
3. They're generous without expectations
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Someone with a good heart gives for the sole purpose of giving, not for any ulterior motives. A narcissistic person might only offer help because they want help in return, and a person with a big ego might not offer help at all. But a good-hearted person is generous because they believe generosity makes the world a better place, and they truly want to help people out.
Notre Dame's Center for the Study of Religion in Society (CSRS) defined generosity as "the disposition and practice of freely giving of one's financial resources, time, and talents, [including], for example, charitable financial giving, volunteering, and the dedication of one's gifts for the welfare of others or the common good."
Good-hearted people practice prosocial behavior, meaning that they act in ways that benefit others, without needing anything in return. CSRS noted that people with a positive temperament are more likely to be prosocial, even in times of distress. People who are highly empathic and emotionally intelligent can more easily see the world from other people's perspective, which means they're also more likely to help others without expectations.
A good-hearted person helps for no other reason than wanting to be helpful, which is ultimately what makes them so altruistic overall.
4. They're patient
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Someone who is good-hearted recognizes that everyone handles life on their own schedule, and they don't push people to get anywhere faster than they're able to. They make a good educator, in part because they have such deep wells of patience to draw upon.
They acknowledge that making mistakes is part of learning something new. They don't define people by their mistakes, giving them space to bloom into the fullest, most unencumbered version of themselves that they can be. A good-hearted person's patience allows them to be accepting of people's flaws. It provides them a perspective rooted in being non-judgmental, which is a gift unto itself.
5. They display humility
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Humility is another subtle trait of a good-hearted person. The American Psychological Association defined humility as pertaining to "a low focus on the self, an accurate (not over- or underestimated) sense of one's accomplishments and worth, and an acknowledgment of one's limitations, imperfections, mistakes, [and] gaps in knowledge."
Someone good-hearted is humble, which means they have a healthy ego. The Association for Psychological Science stated that having humility means taking "a stance that is other-oriented rather than self-focused."
The APS discussed a theory they called the "Social Bonds Hypothesis," which posits that humility strengthens social bonds, especially in relationships that are in distress. They believe that two people committing to each other "promotes a sense of 'we-ness'" that keeps them close.
A good-hearted person has humility on all levels, meaning they have high self-worth, but not an exaggerated sense of self, which keeps them grounded and more able to connect to other people.
6. They stay calm during conflicts
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A good-hearted person stays calm during conflicts, remaining level-headed and communicative, and they don't run away from hard conversations. As dating coaches Orna and Matthew Walters pointed out, staying calm amidst conflict is the only way to move through it, noting that "once you're present, grounded, and calm, you can go back to your partner and begin the process of repair."
"Do your best to have an open mind and not jump to conclusions about your partner's behavior," they advised. "Focus on sharing how you feel without providing your opinion of your partner's actions... There's nothing quite like being in a relationship with someone who loves, respects, and accepts you enough to take the uncomfortable steps necessary to repair conflict and create a stronger bond."
7. They forgive without resentment
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A good-hearted person knows how to face conflict and share their feelings, so that whatever resentment they have gets aired out, instead of staying stuck inside. Licensed counselor Lisa Rabinowitz shared that a root cause of resentment occurs when people aren't open about their feelings.
"Resentment increases when someone feels their feelings are discounted, not heard, manipulated, shamed, or judged," she said. "You can work through resentment with a partner if you can address the problems head-on and decide to change this pattern of allowing resentment to build up and destroy your harmony."
While working through resentment might be uncomfortable, a good-hearted person understands that the alternative of living with unresolved anger and bitterness is much more painful.
8. They express gratitude for people they love
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A good-natured person openly expresses gratitude for the people they love. They know that life is short, and that, ultimately, all we have is each other. They don't hesitate to say thank you or let people know just how much they're appreciated.
Clinical psychologist Dr. Terri Orbuch revealed that "one particular emotion that brings unparalleled benefits to every type of relationship: gratitude." She further explained, "A very vital factor in happy relationships is gratitude — making your partner feel valued, loved, and supported with simple acts and behaviors."
Dr. Orbuch shared that over her years of research, "couples in a relationship who expressed frequent gratitude to each other were the happiest in their marriages by a significant margin." She noted that practicing gratitude serves multiple purposes, including offering reassurance and establishing a sense of intimacy.
A good-hearted person tells their partner exactly why they love them, and they don't stop there. They express gratitude to their friends and family members, because they know that we're only as strong as the relationships we have.
9. They encourage others
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These individuals celebrate other people's big wins, like getting a promotion or acing a presentation, because they recognize how much hard work goes into any achievement. But they also celebrate small victories, like getting out of bed when you're depressed or putting a home-cooked meal on the table after a stressful week.
A good-hearted person lifts other people up. They don't compare their wins to anyone else's. They genuinely want the people around them to live their best lives, which is why they give encouragement so readily and passionately.
10. They offer people their full attention
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A good-hearted person offers people their full, undivided attention. If they're with you, they're with you. They put their phones on silent and they don't scroll aimlessly while you're talking. They look you in the eyes and truly hear you. They are great listeners, because they genuinely care about what you have to say.
As psychologist Nick Wignall pointed out, "Being a good listener is about what you do less of, not more of. You can't be an effective listener if your overarching goal is to beat the other person — and boost your ego in the process," he explained, advising people to check in with themselves about their intentions before any conversation. "Instead of viewing conversations as competitions to be won, you'll start to view them as acts of service that aren't about you at all," he concluded.
A good-hearted person absolutely sees active listening as an act of loving service, which is why they're so good at that particular skill.
11. They understand people's limits
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A truly caring, compassionate person understands other people's limitations. They're able to hear and hold boundaries without pressing up against them, because they know that setting boundaries is an act of self-love.
They aim to make people feel comfortable in who they are, which means accepting their limits and not expecting them to be anyone they're not. They manage their own emotions without believing anyone else should do that work for them. They understand that having limits is part of what makes us all human, and our common humanity is what brings us closer.
12. They see the best in others
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It's not that good-hearted people have a naively optimistic perspective or refuse to take off their rose-colored glasses and see reality for what it is. It's that they believe that people are inherently kind, warm, and giving. They believe that people are good.
A good-hearted person believes in other people, and in themselves. They let their inner light shine, and that light shines down on others, bringing out the best in them, too.
Alexandra Blogier, MFA, is a staff writer who covers psychology, social issues, relationships, self-help topics, and human interest stories.