10 Subtle Traits Of A Person Who Is Very Naive And Lacks Wisdom
Though they may be good-hearted and well-meaning, there are downsides to naivety.
Jose Calsina | Shutterstock Naive people are often described as being innocent or uninformed. They have a sunny disposition and seem to see the world through rose-colored glasses. They find the good in everyone, which often means they assume everyone else is as kind-hearted as they are.
The subtle traits of a person who is very naive and lacks wisdom might seem like they're positive and beneficial, yet there is a negative side to this. A naive person's inherent goodwill often blinds them to the darker parts of life, which puts them in harm's way.
Here are 10 subtle traits of a person who is very naive and lacks wisdom
1. They forgive too quickly
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Because they take everyone at their word, without considering any ulterior motives, naive people forgive individuals who have no plan to change their behavior. Lacking wisdom, they might end up forgiving someone over and over for doing them damage, and expecting a different result every time.
While forgiveness is framed as the "right" thing to do, it's not always healthy or helpful.
Psychiatrist Dr. Frank Anderson spoke on the subject of forgiveness on YourTango's podcast, "Getting Open," explaining that overemphasizing forgiveness sometimes leads people to accept apologies before they're actually emotionally ready to do so. "Society and culture pushes forgiveness prematurely," Dr. Anderson said. "My experience has been this: Heal first. Choose to forgive second."
"Some people never choose to forgive," he continued. "That's up to them. For me, forgiveness is about the person doing the forgiving, not the person being forgiven." He reiterated, "Heal first, and then engage in forgiveness. You benefit."
2. They have an overly idealistic mindset
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People who are naive tend to see everything in a positive light, which often means they have a hard time navigating the rougher parts of life. While idealism is usually framed as a good trait to have, there are downsides to being too optimistic.
They have a tendency to be so positive, it's actually toxic. If a friend comes to them at an emotional low point, a naive person will tell them to stay positive, or think happy thoughts, or just smile more, as though that might solve their problems.
Their idealistic mindset means they sometimes disregard people's troubles or come off as being dismissive. While this might not be their intention, it can be hurtful to the people around them.
3. They overlook manipulative behavior
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A person who is very naive and lacks wisdom overlooks manipulative behavior because they don't believe that someone would purposefully hurt them. As a result, they often miss the signs that they're being taken advantage of, which can leave them emotionally depleted or broken-hearted.
Psychotherapist Marni Feuerman shared the signs of emotional manipulation in romantic relationships, along with how to combat it.
"Emotions are at the core of our decisions about whether to stay in a relationship with someone. We all disregard logic and facts when we are caught up in the intoxication that love can create," she explained. "It happens the most to 'good' people... who want to see the best in others and have difficulty believing that someone can be so cruel."
She continued, "The best tool we can use to avoid becoming a victim... is to develop our own emotional intelligence. This is the ability to identify, use, understand, and manage emotions in positive ways to communicate effectively, empathize with others, overcome obstacles, and defuse conflict."
By paying close attention to their intuition and how they feel around certain people, they can learn to vet people and choose who to give their trust to.
4. They're generous to a fault
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Someone who is naive gives without regard to their own needs or boundaries. They hold tight to the belief that people are innately good, which means they don't notice when someone has bad intentions. Their trusting nature can lead them down a dark road, one where their inherently generous spirit is exploited for someone else's gain.
In situations where their generosity is being taken advantage of, they might not stand up for themselves. They avoid self-advocating because they don't want to make waves or hurt anyone. They're more likely to let themselves be taken down than they are to stop giving to someone who they think needs their help.
While overall being generous is a kind of social glue that makes people cared for and fosters connection, a naive person who lacks wisdom can be generous to their own detriment.
5. They have a hard time saying 'no'
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Though naive and lacking wisdom, people like this tend to lead with their whole hearts, which means they want to take care of people, yet they often overextend themselves and neglect their own needs. They're so accustomed to saying "yes" to others that saying "no" feels almost impossible, which is a sign of people-pleasing behavior.
According to licensed clinical social worker Terry Gaspard, people-pleasers are "people who go out of their way to make sure someone else is happy, to the detriment of their happiness... Becoming a people pleaser is a way in which many individuals neglect to set boundaries and convey to others that they're not good enough."
"You are not obligated to meet the needs of others," Gaspard continued. "That is their responsibility and only you know what's best for you. Practice being vulnerable in small steps... set goals and make new choices to change your life, such as taking time to do the things that you enjoy rather than deferring to the needs of others."
6. They always assume the best
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Because they are naive, certain people expect that every outcome will end up in their favor, which leaves them unprepared for moments when things don't go their way. Because of their deeply ingrained idea that life will take care of itself, they often don't make practical plans and ignore any potential downfalls they might face.
The opposite of being naive and idealistic is being cynical, a trait that has its own negative connotations. Yet cynicism is directly connected to naivety, as Jamil Zaki, a Stanford University psychology professor, pointed out.
In his book "Hope for Cynics: The Surprising Science of Human Goodness," Zaki argued that cynicism, which posits that people are selfish, dishonest, and greedy, is a much more naive idea than we think. The perception that cynical people have of the world around them often doesn't play out as they imagined.
Zaki noted that being cynical acts as a self-protective measure, but it tends to do more harm than good.
"By never trusting, cynics never lose," he wrote. "They also never win. Refusing to trust anyone is like playing poker by folding every hand before it begins. Cynicism protects us from predators but also shuts down opportunities for collaboration, love, and community, all of which require trust. And though we forever remember people who hurt us, it's harder to notice the friends we could have made if we'd been more open."
There's a fine balance between assuming the worst and assuming the best, and most people could benefit from having the same level of hope as someone who is very naive.
7. They don't see red flags in relationships
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Naive individuals tend to ignore their intuition or not know how to hear it, which means they miss the warning signs that go off when a relationship isn't good for them.
A person who is very naive and lacks wisdom is overly trusting. They give people the benefit of the doubt, along with multiple second chances to prove themselves. When their date only talks about themselves, they downplay the red flag that they are self-involved. When they interview for a new job, they dismiss the toxic aspects of the potential workplace.
Overlooking red flags means they neglect their own best interests, which is what happens when a person doesn't gain any wisdom from their past missteps.
8. They're easily influenced by others
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Swayed by other people's opinions, naive individuals often let self-doubt creep in and allow other people to make decisions for them.
They will take someone at their word, which means they might fall for promises people made but never meant to keep. They change their perspective based on what others think, and they often don't use their critical thinking skills to analyze whether those views line up with their values.
Because they're so easily influenced, they run the risk of being tricked by other people, who don't have their best interests at heart.
9. They don't consider negative consequences
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For someone who lacks wisdom, they wind up needlessly hurting people because they don't entertain the idea that some things don't always work out as planned. They don't want to see negative parts of life, so they close their eyes and hope that nothing goes wrong.
Because they don't consider the possibility of anything negative happening, a person who is naive usually doesn't have a contingency plan in place. They don't think ahead, and they let their optimism override reality, which can leave them in difficult situations that they don't always know how to handle.
10. They avoid confrontation
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In their quest for good vibes, a naive person will back away from any form of confrontation. They struggle to confront people or express that their feelings were hurt. They crave a peaceful and positive atmosphere, so much so that they'll overlook what's really going on and pretend nothing is wrong. Their look the other way policy can lead them to feeling resentful or unappreciated.
Psychotherapist Joan E. Childs shared her perspective on conflict resolution, revealing that "mindfulness is a more important part of communication in relationships and conflict resolution than many people realize."
"Conflict is productive in healthy relationships," she explained. "There is no intimacy without conflict; unless, of course, you agree never to disagree. Then you have a codependent relationship. In healthy relationships, neither partner subjugates their feelings to please the other."
"Conflicts need to be externalized and resolved," Childs continued. "Many modalities teach couples how to have effective communication, but none of these can be successful without the art of 'presencing.'" Childs described "presencing" as "the willingness to be in the here and now, focused, attuned, and mindful of your partner with an open heart and mind. It includes active listening and patience." She concluded, "Be here now."
A person who is naive and lacks wisdom shouldn't feel pressured to change who they are, but by paying more attention to the meaning underneath people's words and tuning into their own emotional landscape, they can protect themselves while shining bright.
Alexandra Blogier, MFA, is a staff writer who covers psychology, social issues, relationships, self-help topics, and human interest stories.