If Your Parents Taught You These 11 Old-Fashioned Values, They Actually Did A Really Good Job Raising You
Zamrznuti Tonovi |Shutterstock When parents do a really good job raising their kids, they often enter adulthood with strong, old-fashioned values and a clear moral compass. These parents protectors and teachers, yet they have to let their kids learn some hard lessons for themselves in order to establish their own sense of right and wrong.
Often, truly fantastic parents don't realize the impact they have until their kids grow up. They raise kids who live according to their values, showing kindness, empathy, and inner strength, even when times are tough or they feel pressure to conform.
If your parents taught you these 11 old-fashioned values, they actually did a really good job raising you
1. Compassion
imtmphoto | Shutterstock
If you're a compassionate person, your parents did a really good job raising you. Having compassion allows you to recognize, validate, and relieve other people's pain and suffering. As important as it is to show compassion to others, it's equally as important to be compassionate with yourself.
According to psychologist Dr. Kristin Neff, compassion is rooted in the realization that failure, suffering, and imperfection are essential parts of the shared human experience. With that realization comes a sense of warmth, understanding, and kindness, which Dr. Neff defines as the three main elements of compassion.
The good thing about compassion is that you can have it for yourself, too. Having self-compassion means that you accept your flaws while working to be the fullest version of yourself that you can be. If you're compassionate with yourself and the people around you, your values are in the right place, which shows that your parents did a great job raising you.
2. Resilience
fizkes | Shutterstock
If you have a resilient mindset, it means your parents nurtured you when you needed to be nurtured, but they didn't rescue you from making mistakes or facing challenges. They stood beside you and supported you through tough times, without solving all your problems for you.
According to licensed clinical social worker Cheryl Gerson, the key to raising a kid who can survive life's challenges is letting them feel discomfort. "Kids need to realize getting what you want doesn't always come easily," she explained. "That's the best way to raise an emotionally resilient child."
"If they can learn to bear the temporary uncomfortable feeling of being 'wrong,' long enough to get curious about their missteps, your kids can develop a 'growth mindset.' The 'growth mindset' welcomes ongoing discomfort and dissatisfaction with some excitement, pleasure, and satisfaction mixed in," Gerson concluded.
Being resilient means you avoid your feelings and push through every painful or challenging event by pretending to be fine. It means allowing yourself to feel your feelings, process them and move past them so you can continue toward your goals.
3. Patience
ViDI Studio | Shutterstock
Patience is another value that shows your parents did a really good job raising you. Being patient isn't always easy, especially in a world that moves fast and prioritizes instantaneous gratification and social media promotes dramatic reactivity.
According to journalist Nicholas Carr, author of the book Superbloom: How Technologies of Connection Tear Us Apart, interacting on social media "overwhelms their ability to be thoughtful, build empathy, or understand one another. Instead of building understanding and greater trust," he told Greater Good, "it ends up creating misunderstanding and mistrust. And it triggers psychological reactions that are actually antisocial rather than prosocial."
Learning to be patient requires a person to stay in the present and find time to be quiet (likely away from social media), which is one reason patience often brings a sense of inner peace. As they say, good things come to those who wait, and your patience will benefit you in the long run.
4. Humility
fizkes | Shutterstock
Being humble means you recognize your limitations along with your inherent worth. You don't brag about your accomplishments or put others down to lift yourself up. You don't rely on external validation to define who you are, because you recognize that everyone holds value, no matter what. This is a significant sign your parents taught you values that served you well.
According to psychology professor Daryl R. Van Tongeren, Ph.D., someone with intellectual humility is able to admit that they don't have all the answers, which is also a sign that they're highly intelligent. They own up to their limitations and they don't force their beliefs on others. Intellectually humble people are willing to change their beliefs, and that open-mindedness keeps them grounded and curious about the world around them.
If you have intellectual humility, you tend to be more tolerant and accepting of differences. You know that you don't know everything, and that's a sign of intelligence as well as humility! You're respectful of people you don't agree with, which is definitely a sign your parents did a really good job raising you.
5. Generosity
PeopleImages | Shutterstock
Generosity translates into sharing what you have without expecting any return on your investment, showing up for people in your life as well as your community. Being generous doesn't mean neglecting your own needs for other people, which is more reflective of people-pleasing behavior than generosity.
According to a white paper report from the Greater Good Science Center at UC Berkeley, being generous has psychological benefits. While they defined generosity as "giving good things to others freely and abundantly" without expectations, research has shown that being generous makes people happier. Small acts of generosity can boost your mood, and sustained acts of generosity bring longer term happiness.
As a generous person, you harness your unique gifts and offer what you can to help others thrive, because you know that when one person wins, everyone wins.
6. Dedication
fizkes | Shutterstock
Some people find a deep sense of purpose and meaning in their jobs. Others center their relationships, their hobbies, even their connections to the natural world. As certified professional organizer Diane Quintana explains, the first step to reaching the goals you're most dedicated toward is developing strong time management skills. To do that, you must decide what you want to pay attention to.
"Remember to place your focus on things that support the way you want to live," she advised. "It can be tempting to place your focus on something that your peers think is important. Resist that temptation, unless it also aligns with what matters to you."
Your goals might not be huge or life-altering, but even small goals are worth working for. Dedication is a virtue because it requires commitment and fortitude. Every goal you set brings you closer to being your fullest self, and that's the most important part of all.
7. Forgiving
Prostock-studio | Shutterstock
Making mistakes and hurting people we love is an unavoidable part of being human. While everyone makes mistakes, not everyone has the emotional capacity to hold themselves accountable for the harm they've caused, nor are they able to be truly forgiving.. If you focus on forgiveness and work toward repair, your parents did a great job raising you.
According to licensed clinical social worker Terry Gaspard, the ability to ask for and grant forgiveness is a direct indicator of relationship satisfaction and lifelong love and commitment. "Understanding how to forgive yourself and others is about being willing to acknowledge that you are capable of being wounded," Gaspard explains. "It also means that you are willing to step out from the role of victim and take charge of your life."
Forgiveness takes time, yet practicing forgiveness can be empowering and healing. Letting go of grudges and understanding that we're all imperfect allows you to focus on forgiveness, which shows that your parents did a great job raising you.
8. Self-respect
mavo | Shutterstock
One of the core old-fashioned values parents teach their kids is self-respect, which the American Psychological Association defines as, "a feeling of self-worth and self-esteem, especially a proper regard for one’s values, character, and dignity." People who are self-respecting stay true to their values, honoring their own needs along with living up to the standards they set for themselves.
People who respect themselves understanyou poorly and, in return, you don't treat others poorly. You set goals and work toward them, honor your emotional needs and set aside time to make sure that you're healthy, rested and able to show up as your best self.
Those who truly are self-respecting are a testament to their parents, who did a really good job raising them.
9. Curiosity
polinaloves | Shutterstock
If the spark of curiosity you held in childhood carried into your adulthood, your parents cultivated your love of learning by letting you ask endless questions and helping you discover the answers. They believed in your creativity and passion, and they let you walk the path that fulfilled you most.
Being curious means keeping an open mind and exploring the world like it's perpetually changing, which it is. You read every book you can find and you strike up conversations with strangers, because you never know what wisdom they have to share.
You're always seeking, and your thirst for knowledge comes from parents who did a great job raising you. This is also why people love being around you.
10. Gratitude
Ground Picture | Shutterstock
You practice gratitude for everything in your life, even the hard parts, because your parents showed you how strong and capable you really are. You're grateful for the lessons you learned in the past and the opportunities your future holds. You're grateful for the present moment: For the sun shining through your kitchen window, for the steam rising off the mug of tea you hold in your hands. You're grateful for your hands, and everything they let you make and touch and do.
You have deep gratitude for the people around you and you let them know just how much you love them. As psychotherapists Linda and Charlie Bloom revealed, "The gift of gratitude does not diminish our own happiness; it amplifies it. The more we give it away, the more we possess."
Being a grateful person means that you recognize the value of your relationships, which is why you should let your parents know how much you appreciate them for doing such a good job raising you with values that enhance your life.
11. Authenticity
Ekateryna Zubal | Shutterstock
If your parents taught you to be authentic, they clearly did a good job raising you. After all, being authentic is about so much more than being honest, though honesty certainly plays a role. Parents who teach their kids old-fashioned values want to raise kids who grow up to be proud of who they are. They respect themselves enough to hold themselves to a higher standard.
When you hold yourself to a high standard, you are able to show up authentically. You have nothing to prove to anyone, and you won't put on false airs to fit in. This level of authenticity is a gift to those around you and to yourself. After all, people will know they can trust you to be honest and can feel secure that the person you seem to be is who you really are.
Alexandra Blogier is a writer on YourTango's news and entertainment team. She covers social issues, pop culture analysis and all things to do with the entertainment industry.
