Bride’s Family ‘Outraged’ After Learning She Doesn’t Want To Invite Her Disabled Cousin To Her Wedding — 'He Talks About How He Will Marry Me'
Her family expects her to put up with some of his behavior since he "has the mind of a child."
Nicoleta Ionescu | Shutterstock A bride’s family is up in arms after she revealed to them that she has no desire to invite her 29-year-old cousin who has developmental disabilities.
While the woman claimed that she has always been understanding and patient with her cousin, he has allegedly crossed personal boundaries with her, and as a result, she does not feel comfortable having him attend her nuptials.
However, her family labeled her decision as “heartless,” begging her to reconsider since she would “ruin his day.”
The bride does not want to invite her disabled cousin to her wedding since he makes her uncomfortable.
Sharing her story to Reddit, the 26-year-old bride-to-be revealed that she is getting married soon and is struggling to decide whether to put her 29-year-old cousin, Tom, on the invite list.
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“Tom has a developmental disability, and while he’s almost 30, he has the intellectual capacity of about a 7-year-old,” she explained.
“I’ve always tried to be patient and understanding, but he has consistently crossed physical boundaries with me in ways that make me really uncomfortable.”
The bride-to-be said her family has always dismissed her cousin's inappropriate behavior toward her.
For example, the woman shared that Tom has repeatedly grabbed her chest and behind and has even tried to kiss her.
“Even though I immediately told him to stop each time, it never seems to stick,” the woman wrote. “He also tells all of his caretakers, nurses, and live-in caregivers that I'm his girlfriend… It kind of feels like when a little kid tells their parent they're going to marry them but it's still very uncomfortable.”
While the woman has brought up how Tom’s behavior makes her uncomfortable with her family, they dismiss it due to his disability.
“The excuse used most often is, ‘He's a little boy in a man's body and you're a conventionally attractive woman,’” the woman shared.
Even though her mom suggested that she be firm with Tom, the woman claimed that when she was, her family members accused her of mistreating him.
With her wedding day approaching, the woman has decided that it would be best if Tom wasn’t included in the celebration.
When she told her family she was considering not inviting him, they were outraged.
“They said I was being unfair, and cruel, and that he’d be devastated not to come,” the woman wrote. “My mom even said it would ‘ruin his day’ and make it obvious that he’s different, which she thinks is heartless.”
While the woman understands that Tom has certain behaviors he cannot help, she argued that her feelings are being dismissed by her family because of his disabilities.
“They always brush off my discomfort and say it’s my responsibility to manage it or that he ‘doesn’t know any better,’ but it’s my wedding, and I don’t want to be on edge the whole time,” she wrote.
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Thankfully, the woman’s fiancé supported her decision. Still, she wondered if she was truly being too harsh on Tom.
Most people assured the bride that her feelings were valid and that her family had to start setting strict boundaries with Tom despite his disabilities.
“It’s not his day and they have been enabling this behavior for too long,” one Redditor noted of the woman’s family.
“They are full of too many excuses. Maybe if they all kept affirming ‘No’ to him when he kept on inappropriately touching you, it might have stuck,” another user wrote.
“I have a very similar brother. In fact, almost identical just a few years older than you describe. I don't blame him, but lack of oversight, control, and pity have enabled him to traumatize me and even more so my sister in various ways,” another shared. “You are not here to cater and bend to the wishes of a man who may be delayed in maturity, but if he has not been able to control himself in the past, do not mess up what is YOUR day to cater to him.”
Others suggested a loophole by making the wedding child-free, and since her family says that Tom has the mind of a child, he would not be invited.
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Ultimately, it is the woman’s wedding day, and she should have a say in which people in her life she does and doesn’t want to attend.
Her cousin having a disability does not make it okay for him to repeatedly cross her boundaries, nor should her family expect her to put up with it.
Even if Tom has the mind of a 7-year-old, experts argue the importance of teaching proper boundaries and sexual responsibility to everyone, including those with cognitive disabilities. It's a disservice to them not to.
Perhaps what is even more cruel than the woman excluding someone who makes her uncomfortable from her wedding is her family simply assuming that just because someone has disabilities, they can not be taught or comprehend certain concepts.
Megan Quinn is a writer at YourTango who covers entertainment and news, self, love, and relationships.